


Settle for me

by Kitoko_kun



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Angst with a Happy Ending, Band Fic, Butt Plugs, Dildos, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Light BDSM, M/M, Masturbation, Safeword Use, Shibari, Snowballing, Spanking, Spit Kink, Switching, Threesome - M/M/M, Unrequited Love, bert is not the bad guy he just vibing living his best life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:22:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 50,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26378749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitoko_kun/pseuds/Kitoko_kun
Summary: Frank and Gerard are JUST friends, okay? There's a line they won't cross, especially since Gerard is interested in someone else.Unless...?
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 128
Kudos: 123





	1. Why not?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beforethesungoesdown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beforethesungoesdown/gifts).



Frank thought of himself as a guest in a variety show. All lights on him, the eyes of the crowd, other competitors’ gaze, the host staring at him. It was his turn and even though he’d rather answer to any other category the only one available was ‘HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET HERE’, to which he only had to offer: ‘I HAVE NO FUCKIN’ CLUE’. 

But Frank was nothing if a competitive person, and a detail as minor as not fully understanding what was going on wouldn’t stop him from getting the victory he deserved.

“I’m not afraid of touching your dick.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Gerard gave him an exasperated look from his spot on the couch, just a few inches away from him, uncrossing his legs and getting his hands ready to gesture whatever he was going to lecture him about. “That’s crossing the line”, he added.

“What line? Since when is there a line?”

“Of course there’s a line, since always.”

“With all the shit we’ve done?”

“On stage.”

“I’ve touched your dick plenty of times.”

“But never directly! That’s the line. Clothing is the line, and also being alone.”

“We have slept together, you have touched my ass while asleep.”

“Through pajamas! And jeans! That doesn’t count.”

“Then this doesn’t count either”, Frank tested, reaching over to place his hands between Gerard’s thighs, just hovering, waiting for a reaction. Frank was never afraid of taking things a step - or kilometer - way further than needed.

Gerard remained unfazed. “No, it doesn’t.”

Frank grabbed Gerard’s hand and placed it on this own crotch. “How about this?”

“It’s exactly the same, Frankie. What’s the point?”

NEW CATEGORY, LIGHTING ROUND! ‘WHAT WAS THE FUCKIN’ POINT?’

“The point is we have already crossed this fuckin’ line of yours.”

1.000 points to Frank!

“No, we haven’t.”

5.000 points to Gerard!

“We’re here holding each other’s cocks right now but you think this is still platonic.”

POINTS DON’T MATTER!

“I’m not holding your dick, I’m barely touching it. See?”, he made a gesture with his free hand, pointing as if they were on a magic show. “Clothing.”

Frank shoved his hips towards him. “It’s called dry humping, look it up.”

“It’s not dry humping, that’d be crotch against crotch.”

“What if I jerked you off?”

“I’m not hard. No one’s hard.”

“I could be hard.” Why was he arguing about this? No idea, but he had to win. And Gerard seemed to have shifted his mood into an amused one, as if the idea of getting him hard was suddenly a funny thing to picture.

“For real?”, he said, squeezing him. “Want me to tell the story about when I did drag?”

“Fuck you”, Frank could already feel the blood rushing to his dick. It was impossible not to picture Gerard in lipstick and a skirt. “You looked like Christina Ricci.”

“I did. I looked hot.”

The motherfucker did. And Frank hated the power that image had on him. He also hated how Gerard ran so fuckin’ hot he couldn’t focus on anything else besides his hand, as if it was a fuckin’ heat pad. The worst part was still not getting where that conversation was headed, was it good or bad for him to pop a boner now? According to his own train of thought, that’d prove to Gerard how worthless his stupid line was; however, he wasn’t sure if he wanted for him to realize the true power he had over him, just how much Frank was thirsting already, very far away from any political statements. He was so fuckin’ tired of being political. Motherfucker. If he licked him on stage it was only because he WANTED TO LICK HIM, because he couldn’t hold it in anymore, because he was so horny he was thrusting against his own guitar for fuck’s sake. He couldn’t give a rat’s ass about Gerard’s speech on creating a safe environment for the gays, HE WAS FUCKIN’ GAY. Well, bisexual, but completely gay for Gerard. And getting turned on by his half-assed touch right there would be stepping over the line, no matter what Gerard had said about clothing.

He didn’t know how to win. New category: ‘YOU’RE FUCKIN’ SCREWED EITHER WAY!’

They stared at each other. Frank swallowed. Gerard started laughing.

“Don’t laugh while touching my dick.”

“I’m not!”, he didn’t pull away and kept laughing, so he totally WAS doing both things. “Fuck, this is so dumb. How did we get here?”

THAT’S WHAT HE WAS DYING TO KNOW.

And then Gerard did the most stupid thing he had ever done in his whole life, Frank didn’t need to know everything he had done to know for sure this was the dumbest. He fuckin’  _ patted _ his crotch. “Good boy.”

Gerard got up from the couch and started complaining about the lack of coffee in the place. Frank still couldn’t figure out what the hell had just happened, but he knew enough to be sure that the transition and how speechless he remained had just awarded Gerard 10.000 imaginary points. He had lost. And he was hornier than before.

“I’m taking a walk. You coming?”

“No, go ahead.”

Finding a reason for staying was difficult, because the room they were in was just one step away from being for storage only; it barely had a couch and a mini fridge filled with water bottles and beer, just a place to hang out briefly and get ready before a show. There was nothing interesting there, not even a tiny screen, but Frank needed a minute by himself and for Gee not to ask anything. Luckily, Gerard was in a more this-is-about-me moment and his attitude wasn’t suspicious enough to break him away from it.

“Well, have fun”, he said. Frank growled in response.

As soon as Gerard was out of there, Frank got up and pressed his back to the door, unbuckling his belt and urgently undoing his fly. Whenever you popped an involuntary erection there were always two options: trying to kill it by bombarding it with thoughts about your family and other non-sexy topics or deal with it and move on. Frank had murdered his boner so many times in the past few days he was getting afraid of his balls literally turning blue. He needed to cum just once and be ready for whatever Gerard was going to throw at him next; well, as ready as he could ever be, because the stuff that didn’t cross that ridiculous line of his wasn’t exactly what he normally did with other friends.

He wrapped his fingers around his dick, mad at it for already being so hard and hot. He hated his body, hated his fuckin’ cock for choosing Gerard to get so worked up for. Why couldn’t it be someone else? It was so easy to joke around with the rest of the guys, to touch, kiss or lick them without feeling anything besides pride for being such a funny dude. But at some point things with Gerard turned into a fuzzy feeling in his stomach, a nice one for a change. Each time they got close he could feel it all over his body. When he entered a room, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, he could feel wherever he was and his eyes searched desperately for him, spotting his silhouette in any group he was in, his head already planning on how to get his attention. Sometimes he straight up felt like his pet.

His lips tightened as he tried to contain the upcoming noises in case anyone walked by outside. He had to make it quick and that was okay by him, it wasn’t so much about the pleasure rather than the need to let it out right now. He hated feeling so desperate and how good it felt to squeeze his dick, remembering how Gerard had done it just a few minutes ago. It wasn’t the first time he touched him like that, but it was kind of peaceful? Even though Frank would have rather seen the feral face he made while being on stage groping him and going wild. He needed more.

It was time to access the mental collection of moments he usually kept hidden deep inside his brain, because any time he remembered them and used them as material, they became more dangerous. The time he walked in on Gerard getting dressed - after many failed attempts, yes - and got a glimpse of his ass while he pulled up his briefs. They were red. That one memory of them sleeping together in the van and Frank waking up with Gerard’s right hand between his pants and his underwear. Frank held back a moan. His mind sent him to all the moaning Gerard did on stage just a few days ago and the brief moment when he pressed himself against Frank’s back and let him feel something hard that didn’t seem like a buckle.

“Gerard…”, he called as quietly as possible, just because saying it made it feel better, electricity running through his body. He shouldn’t be doing that, no one could find out about his stupid crush and he had to make sure it stopped soon, for the band’s future. For Gerard’s well-being. For his own well-being. “Gee…”, he groaned again. He was jacking off the only way he knew how: angry and violent. It hurt, to be honest, but it also felt good because he didn’t deserve any better after getting turned on by a joke. He was a piece of shit. A horny fuck who kept thinking of ways to touch Gerard without crossing the damn line.

He couldn’t breathe because of how hard he was trying not to make any noises, the air getting through his nose wasn’t enough and he needed to open his mouth, but the sensation was kind of exciting too. Shit, he was so close, if only he hadn’t been doing it dry and had started chafing for real; his lips parted and he spat on his dick, with perfect aim so his hand could spread it around, making the friction bearable. Once again he went over the ridiculously dumb conversation with Gerad, how they had touched each other, how he had offered to jerk him off, how Gerard had admitted to grabbing his ass while they slept. Shit, shit, shit. Gerard moaning, the rip in his jeans that let him see his thigh, that time he thought he heard Gee masturbating in the bus. Shit.

Panting, he came on both his hands, trying to contain his orgasm so it wouldn’t fly away all over the place. It was better to have it on his clothes than leaving cum stains on the carpet, although he would rather have neither. Well, it had been a spur of the moment kind of thing and while he tried to catch his breath it was time to look around for something to clean himself with.

Of course that was the moment someone tried to open the door and Frank pushed it closed with all of his body.

“Hey, who’s there?!”

“Be right out!”, Frank yelled, wiping his hands on the inner side of his t-shirt, tucking himself and getting his jeans closed, his heartbeat through the roof. He opened the door immediately. “Sorry about that” he mumbled, avoiding eye contact because he was sure his face would say  _ “oopsie, caught me jerking off.” _

***

About half an hour was the amount of time Frank could stand pretending he didn’t care where Gerard was. He had already pissed off Brian, got kicked out from Ray’s practice and annoyed pretty much every member of the crew, so he began getting restless, looking up from time to time to get a glimpse of that dark hair and pale face. He could pick up Gerard from a crowd anytime. Of course he was being subtle about it now.

“Gee’s doing an interview”, Mikey let him know, taking a seat next to him without looking up from his phone.

“I don’t care”, Frank got defensive, as if that wasn’t just the information he was dying to know.

“Okay? Just saying you could go help him out.”

“Right. Yeah. Sure”, he said, completely chill about it and punched Mikey in the arm for good measure. Trying to keep things normal, you know? 

He got up and began his search. They were at a rock festival, with a bunch of people and other bands, it was normal for interviewers to catch them off guard and start asking questions, even if they usually were too drunk to say anything coherent and then Brian had to go around contacting the press to stop them from releasing clips of them being more stupid than usual. They had to keep a certain level of stupidity, never getting  _ too  _ stupid. Frank didn’t care as much as Brian did, but he liked being there for Gerard when he needed help. Kinda like his emotional support dog, in a sense. Well, person. Emotional Support Person. Although Gerard had no trouble rambling about most topics, he always found it easier to relax when he had one of them around for feedback or to fill in the silences while he thought of another story to tell.

But Frank’s favorite part was when Gee was having one of those days, an off moment. Sometimes it was harder for him to express himself, or he didn’t like a question thrown at him, and let panic take over, which Frank was pretty sure about being able to smell in the air at that point, always being the first one to interrupt with whatever nonsense he could come up with so he could take the attention off of Gerard. He also thought he was the best at it. Maybe. At least he managed to distract everyone and make Gerard laugh, which was pretty much his only goal in life. Of course after making music and all that. Stop judging.

He looked around, saying hi to a couple of people on the way and keeping a friendly smile on his face. He figured he would find Gerard ranting about something, with sunglasses covering half of his face and wearing that filthy skeleton onesie to cover everything else. Frank had no idea how he hadn’t died from overheating in that thing and he wouldn’t say a single word about it because he had been traveling enough with Gerard to know the answer would be that the onesie was a second skin or whatever. Gerard had some comfort elements. Frank felt like one of them.

However, that wasn’t what he found. Well, on the wardrobe side he got everything right so he scored an A+, but he made a huge mistake on all else. Gerard wasn’t alone or uncomfortable and from that angle it didn’t even look like he was being interviewed. He did have a camera on him and also Bert McCracken, all up in his space, totally feeling him up. What about the fuckin’ line? There was clothing between them, yes, so it shouldn’t matter if Bert’s hand was hovering over Gerard’s ass. Frank didn’t notice how much he was grinding his teeth repeating to himself he would kill him if he actually groped Gerard. Actually end his life, he didn’t care. Surely Mikey would help him hide the body and who the hell was going to miss Bert.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets, extremely awkward. And Frank wasn’t used to feeling awkward, he was the kind of person who just went and got busy on anything -annoying the shit out of everybody most of the time-, but this time he also felt restless. He was the one supposed to be next to Gerard, making him laugh and trying to confuse the interviewer. Feeling each other up with an audience was THEIR THING. Bert had stolen his spot. He hated Bert. He hated all of The Used. Their music sucked ass.

Ugh, shit. That wasn’t true. Their music was rad. It made him hate them harder.

The questions being made didn’t stay in his head long enough for him to process them, he was only focused on staring in Gerard’s direction so he could notice any changes in his expression telling him he was needed. Anything at all to demonstrate how much Bert was bothering him and how he didn’t want him in his space, but would definitely rather have Frank holding his waist. He was sure if he stared long enough, he would get a signal.

So nothing could prepare him to watch Bert cupping Gerard’s face and kissing him in front of the cameras and the group of people that had gathered. Every muscle in Frank’s body tensed up, he couldn’t even control his face to pretend he didn’t care. 

It was only a kiss, Gerard and him had shared dozens of them, and they never meant anything. This one didn’t have to be different.

But his stomach twisted. He couldn’t stop clenching his teeth. He wanted to punch something, whatever he could get his hands on.

“Buncha faggots!”, he heard someone yell in front of him and there simply wasn’t a force in the Universe that could’ve kept him in place. Frank grabbed the man’s shoulder and forced him to turn around so he could meet his fist with his face.

“Say it again!”, he demanded, twisting his other fist on the guy’s shirt. “C’mon, say it!”

“You’re a faggot too!”

Frank threw him on the ground. People made a circle around them and he got two more punches in before Ray stepped in and grabbed him with his arms under his armpits so he could also lift him up, ignoring his furious kicking. “Let me kill him!”, he went on.

“Calm the fuck down, Iero!”

“LET ME GO!”, he screamed, getting fuckin’ feral, trying to bite Ray from where he was holding him. Damn giant.

“It’s not worth it!”, Ray argued and it was true, he couldn’t go by a single day without getting called a ‘faggot’ and he’d have turned into a serial killer if he had murdered everyone who did it.

He tried to breathe, despite his heart beating so loud it was ringing in his ears. He saw a couple of people helping the guy up and thought it had been enough. “Okay, okay! Fine! Put me down.”

“Will you behave?”, Ray asked and before Frank could do anything, the man spoke again.

“I’m not afraid of a stupid hobbit!”

“FUCK YOU, HOBBITS ARE AWESOME!”

Ray had to apply full force to stop Frank’s new killer urge and that meant lifting him up again, moving him from side to side to try and keep both of their balances. Of course none of them could pay attention to the “Frankie!” Gerard had called while approaching the scene, nor do anything to save him from getting caught by one of Frank’s brutal kicks. 

“Ouch, fuck!”, they did hear him complain, though.

“Shit, sorry!”, Frank said immediately. Gerard was holding his left arm from the elbow, rubbing it with a pained expression. “Ray, put me down!”, he whined again.

Bert beat him at reaching Gerard. Before Frank could make sure he was okay, Bert was there, holding his arm with both hands. Frank got pissed again and when he turned around to see if he could go back into his fight, Ray’s body was blocking him. “That’s enough, Frankie.”

***

“You need to control that temper of yours, Frank. This is serious, we could’ve been sued. You could’ve been arrested”, Brian continued lecturing him.

“I know! I know, I’m sorry, okay?”

“And Gerard got injured.”

That was the worst part, if Frank had to choose one. He still thought that guy was going around asking to get punched in the face, but the part about Gerard getting kicked for trying to help really sucked. It made him feel horrible, because it wasn’t the first time he hurt Gee by accident and it was meant to be the other way around, he was supposed to help him feel better.

“And you could have broken your fingers! You play guitar, Frankie, you can’t just go around throwing punches anymore.”

The mood for that lecture went to shit when the group burst into laughter a few meters away from them. Well, it wasn’t Frank’s fault Brian had taken so long fixing things and asking the camera crew not to release any footage of their rhythm guitarist knocking down a client, and only managing to start nagging him when everyone already had a couple of beers in their system. It was party time, not getting lectured time. Geez, Brian.

“I get it, for real. I won’t do it again.”

“Fine. Okay. Go have fun.”

In the spur of the moment, Frank hugged Brian. He had way too much patience with them. Frank wanted to take him seriously about the consequences he had mentioned, but it was hard to believe when he knew Brian wouldn’t allow for any of that to happen. There was a reason they weren’t having that conversation at a police station, right?

He kept that thought to himself, though.

Brian patted him on the back and let him go his way, which included a little detour at the cooler to grab a bottle of beer he uncapped by tapping it on the edge of a table. It was the festival’s night version, this time without reporters or fans, only the bands and their roadies. Different groups had gathered and Frank enjoyed hanging out for at least a few minutes with each of them, stopping to chat, talking about the shows, critiquing the new bands and getting feedback from the older ones. He didn’t even plan for it to happen, it was something that came easy to him and that night wasn’t an exception, despite him wanting to check on Gerard.

He already said it wasn’t anything serious and Frank had apologized an unnecessary amount of times, but he was still worried. It wasn't the first time he hurt him by accident -or on purpose- and although everyone thought he didn’t care… Well, he did. A lot. It was one thing to shove him on stage while trying to do an awesome move and another one knowing he had let his temper get the best of him. Now that he had calmed down, he knew it had been reckless and stupid.

Of course joining the group and realizing Bert was already sitting next to Gerard brought the rage back to his stomach. The fingers around his bottle tensed up and he forced himself to keep walking, because he knew he shouldn’t be bothered by it. He hated being the kind of person who got upset over something so dumb and he woulnd’t let his night be ruined by it. He had to be stronger than that. He could actually choose to be fine and have a good time.

First of all, he needed to act normal. Act normal until he felt normal and convinced himself he had everything under control. And normally he wouldn’t pass the opportunity to sit in the empty space next to Gerard, so he did. He sat on his right side, smiled and put his head on his shoulder.

“Does it hurt?”, he asked in a low voice.

“No, Frankie, I told you it was nothing”, Gerard answered as sweet as always, patting his head, making Frank smile sincerely. Even in those surroundings, loud as hell from people’s laughter, conversations and music, it felt like it was a moment just between them. Like Gerard belonged to him for a few seconds, owning all of his attention.

But Bert was on his left, laughing out loud at something stupid and not paying attention to what he did. He got an arm around Gerard’s shoulders and brushed Frank’s head with his hand. “Woah, didn’t see you there”, he half apologized, touching his hair. Frank scrunched up his nose and got away.

“What are we doing?”, he asked the group and gulped down his beer.

“Fuck, marry or kill”, Mikey said. “And it’s Gerard’s turn, so… Ray, Frank, Bert, go.”

Everyone made suggestive and surprised noises while Gee just looked uncomfortable, which was pretty much the sole goal of that dumb question. “I don’t like this game!”, he whined, raising his voice so he could be heard despite all of the other voices. “You can only half-flatter two people and get the third one mad at you.”

“You still gotta answer”, Mikey insisted.

Frank watched Gerard. Everyone else did too, but he was the only one at the edge of his fuckin’ seat, dying to know the answer, without missing a single movement on Gerard’s face or how he ran his hand through his hair while thinking of what to say. He needed to know. Even if it was a dumb game, he needed to know what his place was, what he would do to him and why. He wished they would make him justify his answer, interrogate him without any mercy.

“Fine… I’d marry Ray, ‘cause he’s the only one who has his shit together”, he started, making a pause so people could make the proper excitement noises and for Ray to bow as if he was accepting an award. “Fuck Bert”, he went on and everyone’s excited screams interrupted whatever explanation he could’ve made. Bert leaned closer to him and kissed his cheek. Frank didn’t know if he had been able to control his face. Probably not, because if he could’ve done anything in those seconds, it’d been getting up to avoid listening to the last part. “And kill Frank ‘cause he’s fuckin’ annoyin’ and keeps kickin’ me.”

The full group burst out laughing. It was a good answer considering what the stupid and childish game allowed, but that didn’t stop Frank from getting pissed and louder than everyone else: “HEY MAN, WHAT THE FUCK?! You said you were alright!”

“I am! You’re lucky I’m invincible”, Gerard said, still smiling, like they were putting on a show. It wasn’t the same smile he had offered before.

“C’mon, Frankie. Now’s your turn”, Mikey said and Frank gave him a murderous look he completely ignored. “Bert, Ray, Gerard. Knock yourself out.”

Frank thought about it for a second before coming up with the best answer ever, which made him tremble in excitement: “Fuck Gerard so good he has to marry me and then kill him in his sleep.”

“You didn’t choose anyone else”, Ray laughed, completely butchering his joke. Ugh.

“I don’t care.”

He thought it was a great answer and assumed the group was laughing with him, but quickly realized they weren’t and that he had come across as the petty brat who got salty about other people’s answers. No one knew shit about comedy. He rolled his eyes and stood up, flipping’ everyone off before taking off to a better group. He didn’t need them, he was going to take his hilarious jokes elsewhere.

“C’mon, Frankie!”, he heard Ray and flipped  _ him _ off in particular, without turning around to see him.

Mikey and Ray gave Gerard  _ a look _ at the same time, as if they had practiced it, telling him he had to run after him. It was Gee’s turn to roll his eyes and take a deep breath, patting Bert’s knee in a silent apology for leaving him alone.

He had to rush to catch Frank, who was lighting up a cigarette, already far away from them. “Don’t be mad, I just needed something funny to say”, he explained, getting out a smoke too. “I hate this game, obviously I wouldn’t kill you. And you’re not annoying, okay?”

“Why do  _ I _ have to be the butt of your joke? Why not Bert?”, he complained, furrowing his eyebrows while handing him the lighter.

Upon Gerard’s blush, he regretted asking. “Because… You know”, he said, giving him a complicit smile, as if the reason was a topic they discussed all the time and Frank really didn’t want to make the connection for him, but since Gee never shut up, he quickly put it in words. “I  _ do _ wanna fuck him.”

“Then do it, you don’t need to tell him in a stupid game.”

Why the hell was he pushing him to fuck Bert? Because he was an idiot. Because sometimes his pride was bigger than him. Because he preferred coming across as insensitive than risking his true feelings getting exposed. Because for some reason he believed there was dignity in being cold. A mixture of all previous motives, but mainly because he was an idiot.

“I kinda don’t want to”, he said, his tone conveying it was a thought he was still forming. Frank usually loved hearing whatever Gerard had to say before even himself knew what it was about, but now he just felt uncomfortable. Stomachache uncomfortable. If Gerard noticed it, he didn’t pay attention to it. “I like the stage we’re in, you know? Before anything real happens. Sometimes I think I enjoy the flirting way more than the fucking. It’s exciting, and feels so powerful, how another person can just destroy you or pick you up with a few words. Make your day if they smile a certain way or ruin it if they don’t look at you. You know what I’m saying?”

Frank did his best  to not eat his still-lit cigarette . Yeah, he kinda knew what Gerard was talking about. He kinda had that shit going on. A little. Just a little. Not like listening to him gushing about his crush was ruining his night.

Gerard waited until he nodded to go on: “And fucking is just so intimate. Even if it’s a hand job behind a bus…”

Frank clenched his teeth. Did that mean he had done that with someone? When? With whom? For fuck’s sake.

“...you’re still giving so much of yourself. How many people in the world get to know what you look like when you come? Right? It’s like a secret. It should be. The shit that you’re into… Whether you like to be in charge or led, if you like it rough, if you need to hear loving words… Whatever you’re into, that’s so personal. What if it’s not what the other person signed up for? What if they thought of you in a different light?”

“Are you… worried Bert won’t like you in bed?”

Gerard held the smoke in one hand and bit his thumb on the other one, staring at the ground. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Dude…”, Frank began, a million thoughts going through his head at the same time. Like, who the fuck wouldn’t want Gerard Way in their bed? No one would ever reject him. Frank sure as hell wouldn’t, no matter what weird shit he was into, he didn’t even need to know beforehand to be sure of it. He could accept anything. But that wasn’t what Gerard wanted to hear. “He’s… crazy about you, he won’t be put off by how you’re in bed”, he tried to cheer him on, putting a hand on his arm when he basked in adding: “And if he is, then he’s a moron and I’ll kill him, okay?”

He was allowed to say it, that’s what friends did. Gerard smiled, happy at first, but really nervous after a moment, as if just considering the idea was too scary. “It’s just that… I’m… It’s-”, he stuttered and Frank couldn’t deal anymore with not knowing what was going through his head, what could he possibly be hiding that he hadn’t said before. He was having a hard time imagining Gerard having a big secret he knew nothing about. “It’s complicated. Sorry. I don’t even know how to explain it.”

“That’s never stopped you from explaining anything before”, Frank argued, trying to laugh. Gerard did too. Both laughs were awkward.

“Way too intimate, Frankie. If I’m not sure if I want Bert to know, then for sure you shouldn’t.”

“What? For real?”, he blurted out. “You already spilled your guts, what’s a little more! Don’t leave me hanging, c’mon!”

Frank didn’t stop to think how fuckin’ stubborn and insensitive he was being, he felt too close to the truth, like he just needed one more push to get there. He grabbed Gerard’s arms as if physically holding him would make him want to share, but had to let go when he made a pained face. “Shit, sorry!”, he rushed to apologize. Gerard rubbed his left elbow.

“See? You’re annoyin’ as shit.” 

It was a joke, Frank knew it was, knew Gerard was trying to lessen the mood, but he didn’t take it. It wasn’t funny. He needed to know or he’d die. “Fuck that. Just tell me your big secret.”

“No, that’s not what this conversation was about. Were you even listening?”

“Of course I was, but I’m your best friend! What is it that I don’t know about?”

“This is not a friend’s thing. It’s between me and… Bert or whoever I end up dating.”

“Your fuckin’ line again…”

“Well, there IS a line! Friends don’t tell each other everything. And I shouldn’t have to expose myself to get your support.”

“You have my support, of course you have it. But… I wanna know.”

“Fuck you. You know what? I stand by killing you.”

“Oh yeah? I’d kill you too.”

Gerard dropped his smoke on the ground and stepped on it, visibly upset, turning his back on Frank to leave him there alone. Frank couldn’t come up with anything else to say. Once more he had been drawn into the whirlwind of Gerard’s train of thought, adding the difficulty of having his own interests in the way of actually understanding what he was trying to say. All he got from the conversation was that he liked Bert, but didn’t want things to move forward because of whatever secret kink he had.

How was Frank supposed to not obsess over it? Fuck, nobody ever thought about Frank, the real victim in this situation.

  
  


***

Frank’s inner clock made him raise his head to look for Gerard exactly 30 minutes after their argument, sharp. After they made death threats at each other, Frank took a walk and talked with some people from the other bands, security guards, managers and some undercover reporters who were too drunk to report on anything. 

He didn’t know if Gerard was still mad at him, he usually didn’t last very long being angry and would rather play the victim to make him repent by doing whatever he wanted, but this time it had seemed more serious. Was Frank really in the wrong here? Had he been an asshole? After cooling off, he thought… Na, Gerard was wrong. He was a shitty friend for not sharing his kinky secret and also for having a crush on Bert.

However, he was choosing to be the bigger man -no height puns allowed- and look for him to smooth things over. He was even willing to pretend he was sorry and apologize if it was really needed, even though it totally wasn’t his fault.

“Where’s Gee?” he asked Mikey, since he wasn’t with them. He also couldn’t find Bert and that made his stomach turn again. He was sure he was going to throw up if he caught them making out somewhere.

“He left a while ago. Must be in our room” he said and looked at the time. “I’ll go check on him, maybe he’s passed out…”

“I’ll go”, Frank offered immediately. “You stay, I can check on him.”

Mikey shrugged and gave him the key card for their hotel room. “Make sure he’s not drowning in his own puke.”

“So it’s okay if it’s someone else’s?”, Mikey’s face barely moved any muscles to convey his murderous intentions. “Will do.”

He stuffed the key in his pocket while he tugged on his lip piercing with his teeth. Gee passing out drunk would make leaving that stupid argument behind way easier. It would also be possible to get a confession out of him about the topic he didn’t want to touch and Frank could barely contain the mischievous grin on his face. All of his ideas were always awesome. 

He began walking faster, almost running through the hotel’s main hallway to get to the room the Way brothers were sharing.

Maybe it was the way his mother had raised him that made him stop and knock on the door first, but it could also have been fearing the possibility of finding Gerard and Bert fucking somewhere inside the room. If that was the case, he’d rather escape to have a dignified meltdown in the solitude of his own bathroom.

“Gee? You in there?” he called. 

“Frankie?”, Gerard asked. His voice sounded unusually sober and somewhat alert. “Are you alone?”

“Yeah”, he said. “You okay?”

“Um. I had an accident.”

Frank stuck his ear on the door, trying to hear what was going on. “Are you drowning in your own puke?”

“No!”, Gerard raised his voice. “Can you get Mikey?”

“Why? I can help!”

“No, nevermind! Leave!”

Of course that only made Frank want to get in all the more. There was no way he was going to listen to him. “What happened?”, he asked while sliding the key card in the lock. “I’m coming in!”

“Wait!”

Gerard’s pleading tone made it clear that whatever Frank was going to encounter would be embarrassing for him, but none of the ideas that went through his mind were even close to hitting reality. To be honest, he thought Gerard had pissed his pants, again, and it really wasn’t that big of a deal. 

But Gerard wasn’t even wearing pants, so he had to rule that one out. It was Frank’s first clue. He was a very sharp guy, really attentive to detail.

“Dude… what…”, he eloquently muttered. The only appropriate reaction he could muster was getting his hand to shut the door behind him so no one could see him from the hallway.

“Don’t look!”, Gerard ordered, crossing his legs at the edge of the bed. For some reason his hands were behind his back and he didn’t use them to cover himself. Upon closer inspection, Frank noticed it was because they were tied with rope.

“What the fuck happened?”

The moment stretched longer than needed. Frank had no clue of what to do, being in shock searching for an explanation in his head while Gerard took his sweet time choosing the precise words to explain his predicament. “Was it Bert? What the fuck did he do!?”

He got a whole movie running in his mind and clenched his fists, ready to get out to find him instead of dealing with what was in front of him, until Gerard managed to speak. “Nothing! I did it, okay? I… It’s a… bondage-related incident…”

“I don’t get it. How did you…?”

“I tied myself up and couldn’t get out…”

“But… how?”

“I watched a YouTube video on it.”

Okay, that was technically an answer to how he had done it, but Frank’s ‘how’ implied many other ‘hows’. It was more of a HOW THE FUCK, HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT’S SACRED AND HOLY IN THIS INSANE WORLD, GERARD WAY, DID YOU MANAGE TO DO THIS.

He rubbed his hands on his face and tried to calm down and gather his thoughts, but couldn’t do either when he saw how Gerard kept bending over himself to hide his crotch. “I’ve already seen you naked, dude”, he reminded him.

“Yeah, but… I don’t want you to see me naked  _ now _ .”

Hearing him say that shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. It was normal, he could even understand Gerard making an effort for things to be less awkward than they already were and if Frank was in his place, he would definitely try to save whatever dignity he could. He got it, but it was still an unpleasant situation, once again facing that stupid line he wasn’t supposed to cross because they were friends who played in the same band, and had reporters, fans, and Mikey to worry about or any of the million reasons to make that a bad idea. 

Although the only reason that really mattered was the most painful one: Gerard didn’t feel the same way he did. That feeling Frank was trying to push into the back of his mind in order to ignore it was something Gerard didn’t reciprocate.

“Well, I’ll have to if you want my help.”

Frank resumed approaching the bed and despite how much he wanted to be a selfish motherfucker, he forced himself not to look where Gerard didn’t want to be seen. Up close, he saw some knots he hadn’t been able to from far away, arranged through Gee’s left arm and shoulders. They looked complex. “This isn’t the first time you’ve done this…”

“No, it’s not”, Gerard admitted, biting his lips together. “And it’s actually called shibari, I don’t know if you’ve heard about it, but it’s a Japanese--”

“I know about it, I’ve watched hentai”, Frank cut him off before he got into a rant. “Why couldn’t you get out by yourself?”

“‘Cause…” he stopped for a second and gave Frank a guilty look. “My arm hurts.”

“Fuck… Now I can’t give you shit about it.”

And it was true, because every joke he would have liked to make just seemed cruel now that it was technically his fault. So, if he couldn’t mock him, how was he supposed to hide his pretty disrespectful interest in finding Gerard not only naked, but tied up? Now he didn’t know what to do. Frank had only three moods: annoying, horny and angry. How could he spin the situation to justify shifting to angry?

“It’s really not that bad”, Gerard muttered, being a sweet and considerate jerk again so he wouldn’t feel bad. If Gerard could only be a real asshole things would be so much easier… 

“I don't believe you”, Frank said, doing his best to push away the horny mood, which was insanely difficult to do while searching for the knot he had to undo first so the rope wouldn’t tangle. The rope was red and it made Gerard’s skin look particularly tasty. It also had rope marks already and Frank didn’t even know it was a kink of his until now. All of that mixed with being so close to Gerard he could smell his hair; smoke and sweat, but no alcohol. That was odd.

It meant that after they argued, Gerard was hit by the urge of getting to his hotel room to tie himself up. Naked. Something he seemed to do frequently. It had to be sexual, although Frank couldn’t understand how he was supposed to get off without using his arm. Was he going to hump a pillow or the mattress? 

“Is this what you were talking about?”, he asked, incapable of handling the silence or his thoughts. “You’re into shibari?”

“Among… other stuff”, Gerard offered.

Frank bit his lip only to stop himself from saying he was insane if he thought Bert wouldn’t be into that. He had already tried to be supportive and the sadness he felt when Gerard was being self-deprecating wasn’t enough to ignore how mad it made him to think about handing him on a silver platter to someone else. Like, literally tied up and helpless.

“It’s disgusting, I know.”

“That’s… not what I’m thinking about”, Frank said.

“You’re thinking that I’m a pervert. Well, now you know that I am. A gross fuckin’ pervert.”

“Hey, no. Stop that”, Frank stopped pretending he was trying to find the best way to undo the first knot -when he was actually stalling- and moved to see his face. Gerard was hiding behind his black hair, avoiding his gaze, so he put his hand under his chin. “You’re not gross, you…”

He didn’t know how to continue. He was a few centimeters away from Gerard’s face and that was kind of normal, but his expression didn’t seem right. His eyes were glassy, his lips had parted and his cheeks were blushed. He looked feverish.

Although he wasn’t supposed to, he suddenly looked down. Gerard’s erection made sense, but it didn’t mean he was less surprised to find it, because of the matter of him being aroused and because it was… big. He had never seen it before in all its glory.

“You’re getting off of this”, he realized, unable to contain a smile. “Motherfucker. You  _ want _ me to call you a pervert.”

Gerard bit his bottom lip. “No, I don’t…”, he tried to argue, but his tone wasn’t right for it.

“Do you even want me to untie you? You haven’t asked”, he noticed. “Did you plan this? You wanted to be found out?”

“Of course not”, he complained. “I didn’t want you to know…”

It was then that Frank remembered there was a fourth mood, the one he hated the most: disappointment. 

“You wanted Bert.”

Gerard’s face got redder, including his ears. He shook his head, babbled something, but he didn’t need to confirm it. Nothing in that conversation was making Gerard go limp and it was a weird territory to be stuck on for Frank, because he felt he was in a position of power, in a crucial moment. No part of him wanted to give up, even if he was sure he would end up being rejected. Maybe that was what made him want to push his luck further, until it ran out.

“Well, tough luck. I’m the one who caught you”, he said the most daring thing he could think of, holding Gerard’s face firmer when he tried to look away.

They stared into each other’s eyes. Frank forced himself to remain serious, even though he felt the desperate need to laugh and attempt to pass it as a joke to avoid whatever Gerard would respond. It didn’t matter if he was literally at his mercy, all he had to do was say ‘no’ to stop Frank from making any further advances. He wasn’t going to abuse anyone, he wasn’t that kind of a person.

“I don’t want to…” Frank’s stomach fell to the ground. Gerard hadn’t made a pause, it was obvious he had more to say, but Frank’s mind immediately went on to think about what to do now. Get a plane ticket to… fuck himself. Write a long apology email for Mikey. Make a statement to the press-- “...ruin our friendship.”

Frank let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. Only Gerard could find a way to friendzone him while having a raging boner between his legs, seriously. The guy had a talent.

“It won’t”, he said before he could think. And another stupid idea came out of his mouth: “You can close your eyes and think about Bert.”

The way in which Gerard bit his lip told him he liked the suggestion even before he actually listened to him and closed his eyes. Was that a victory? A defeat? Perhaps once he was done being turned on beyond humanly possible he would be able to make a decision, because now the only thought that led him was his need to touch Gerard. He caressed his bottom lip with his thumb, watching up close how his skin got goosebumps. He knew Gerard was a guy with a high sex drive, but never on that level, as if he wanted exactly what Frank was doing to him.

He pulled a piece of rope on his right shoulder and heard him moan softly, so he pushed him into the bed, being careful with his left arm. Frank got on top of him, placing a thigh between Gerard’s legs, relishing in his naked skin, grazing slowly from his neck to his navel with his fingers, stopping only when Gee spoke to him.

“What about the line…?”

Frank rolled his eyes harder than he ever had before in all of his life. Of course Gerard would be concerned about it, which just reminded him how salty he still was about that conversation, enough to pat down the floor for Gerard’s briefs and throw them on his crotch.

“I’ll show you”, he started saying. Gerard opened his eyes and gave him a confused look, “how wrong you are about the line.”

As soon as Frank got his hand on top of the fabric and pressed down to touch his dick through it, Gerard shut his eyes. It was still unbelievable that none of the pauses or stupid stuff they talked about had made Gerard lose his boner. His cock was hard as a rock as he traced his fingers on the length and pressed on the head, which got wet enough for Frank to feel it through the cotton. The line was pure shit, they were beyond friendship.

And Frank had already heard Gerard moaning in every possible context, except for that one. He wouldn’t say they didn’t work on him, he wasn’t immune to his fuckin’ charm, but nothing could compare to the heat raising inside of him right now. He thought Gee would quickly ask to be touched directly, Frank was only teasing him to make a point and win a dumb argument -and that couldn’t be enough to get off, like they were teenagers dry humping in case their teachers came in-, but Gerard was moaning as if he was being given a blow job or fuckin’ rimmed.

“You’re really into this”, he pointed out. Gerard nodded, keeping his eyes closed. Frank assumed it had to do with the ‘among other things’ he had said before. He wanted to know exactly what those were, and also confirm the biggest suspicion he had at the moment. “Look at the fuckin’ mess you’re making, I’m not even touching you directly.”

Gerard began thrusting his hips against his hand, looking for more friction. His briefs were getting wet. “You’re… good at it…”, he muttered.

“It could be better, if you dropped the line shit…”

He saw the debate going on in Gerard’s head on his face. “Okay, okay”, he gave in, panting. “I’ll just… pretend it’s Bert.”

Frank knew he had been the one to suggest it, but he didn’t think it was going to actually happen, or didn’t think enough about how it would go. Of course he wanted to touch him -finally- without clothing between them, even if it had to be that way. There were two wolves inside of him; one was so impossibly horny, the sad one couldn’t be heard.

He got the briefs out of his way and licked his palm to touch Gerard, who was pretty thankful for the moisture after having the cotton scraping against him. Frank had barely managed a good rhythm when he had to use his free hand to take his phone out of his pocket, since it wouldn’t fuckin’ stop vibrating.

He had ignored the first call, that had to be the second or third one. “Mikey, hey”, he said loudly so Gerard would know who it was. “Na, he’s alright, he--”

His idea was to hang up as soon as possible, so he left his hand on Gerard’s dick and just stopped moving it while speaking. What he didn’t anticipate was Gerard rutting against it, asking for him to keep going. “He… um… you wanna talk to him?”, he said, jokingly of course. Gerard shook his head to refuse and didn’t open his eyes. “Hey, is Bert around?”

Gerard tensed up. Frank didn’t know yet why he had asked, maybe because he wanted to watch the world burn or to push Gee further into the limit. “Can you put him on the phone?”

He put the phone on speaker and left it on the bed, laying next to Gerard with an arm above his head and his hand still between his legs. He got closer and tentatively touched Gerard’s neck with his lips. Gerard didn’t push him away, in fact, he tilted his head to the side, giving him better access. Frank noticed he was biting his lips on the inside so he wouldn’t make any noise while being jacked off.

“Hey man, what is it?”, he heard Bert’s voice. Gerard let out a single moan. “Woah, what was that?”

“Gee’s… throwing up. You’re on speaker”, Frank raised his voice before going back to his new job, which was kissing and biting Gerard’s neck.

“Aaw, poor thing. Want me to come there and hold your hair up for you?”, Bert sounded amused. Frank jerked him off faster to keep up with how Gerard’s hips were going. “Want me to rub your back?”

“He knows what you’re doing”, Frank whispered into Gee’s ear, which made him moan again, forcing him to cover his mouth as quickly as possible.

“You still there?”

Frank suddenly felt Gerard’s cock twitching in his fist while he came and then the unmistakable sensation of semen between his fingers. He stared at the white substance in his hand for a second before focusing on the relaxed expression the orgasm had left on Gerard’s face.

He wiped it off on his own shirt and grabbed the phone. “Sorry, he’s fine. I’ll put him to bed”, he explained and didn’t wait for an answer to hang up.

“Untie me”, he heard Gerard speak, his breathing going back to normal. “Please.”

To be honest, Frank was still turned on, so he couldn’t go back to reality as fast as Gerard did. As soon as he got released, he stretched his arms in front of him and evidently avoided looking into Frank’s eyes while taking his underwear and hoodie from the floor to get dressed and disappear behind the bathroom door.

Frank’s return to reality was filled with frustration. Gerard wasn’t interested in reciprocating any of the attention he got and Frank wasn’t really in the mood to sadly jerk off in his room. Besides, he was convinced that if he left without them speaking, he would lose any ground he could’ve won. 

Or had he lost something? Gerard never said he didn’t want what was happening, despite his worries about what it’d do to their friendship. Frank was aware of having deep feelings for Gerard, but he also wanted whatever he could get from a physical perspective. He had never refused kissing or touching him, for whatever reason, and he wasn’t about to start now. If Gerard needed an outlet for what seemed to be a fetish, then Frank could give it to him. He would be the first in line and he was willing to eliminate all other competition, through any means necessary.

Once Gerard stepped into the room, he automatically raised his gaze. Part of him wanted to apologize, but the other one knew that doing it would be admitting what they did was wrong and had damaged their ‘friendship’. Whoever spoke first would set the tone for that conversation. It was some sort of power struggle.

Gerard tucked his hair behind his ear, staring at the floor, shyly looking up to meet Frank’s gaze. “That was… really good. Like… I didn’t know you… um… were into these things too.”

Frank deserved an Oscar for how cool he managed to act about it, despite feeling like a mess on the inside. An excited mess. An overwhelmed-with-possibilities mess.

“Yeah, of course I am”, he said, even though he wasn’t sure about what he exactly meant. “I would’ve told you if you had trusted me”, he managed to rub it in.

“Well… you’re right, I should’ve known, I mean… you kinda have a dom attitude sometimes.”

What the fuck was a dom attitude? Frank just nodded.

“So…”, Gerard looked into his eyes again. “Can we keep this a secret?”

“Of course, dumbass.”

Truth be told, Frank wouldn’t be able to explain what had happened even if he had wanted to.

***

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes to [beforethesungoesdown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beforethesungoesdown), thank you for being the first one to read it, brainstorming with me and assuring me it was a good idea. I love you so, so much ❤️
> 
> Also, thank you for these!!!  
>   
> 
> 
> And special thanks to [Starstruck0rMetal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starstruck0rMetal/) for beta-reading!
> 
> Btw, I'm on [Twitter.](https://twitter.com/kitoko69)


	2. Lower those expectations

“It’s not like I’m gonna run off and tell the guys I was jerking you off while on the phone,” Frank said, jokingly. Pronouncing those words was the weirdest thing ever and he needed to do it, to get any kind of confirmation he could from Gerard, to really believe it had just happened.

“Sounds like something you would do,” Gerard tried to keep the joke going.

It was weird and awkward now. Frank had sat down at the edge of Mikey’s bed while Gerard took a seat on his own, after putting on some pants. All that happened felt like a parallel universe, it was hard to believe just a few minutes ago they had been close enough for Frank to feel Gerard’s heartbeat on his neck along with his body heat, and now they were trying to maintain a decent distance, because there was no spooning after giving an orgasm to someone who insists on calling you their friend. There are no sweet words whispered nor shared smiles when the other person didn’t even think to touch you back.

“Hey,” he called, using his serious voice, that one he had to lecture kids in the audience when they fought too hard. “Look at me.”

Gerard raised his head, startled as if he hadn’t realized he had been staring at nothing while chewing on his nails. When their eyes met, Frank knew everything was at stake. He could hear the thoughts going on Gee’s head as if he was inside of it. It was now when he would decide if they had messed up beyond repair, or if there was some way to justify what they did.

“I won’t tell anyone, okay? Trust me.”

Gerard’s expression softened. Frank saw how his brows stopped tensing and even his mouth giving his fingers a break. “I trust you,” he declared. However, as soon as he said it, he seemed to have gotten lost in his thoughts again.

“Stop worrying then. I can hear you overthinking this, you know?”

“This,” Gerard repeated, raising a hand to circle the air between them. “What is it to you?”

Shit. Questions with open answers were the worst. Couldn’t he get a multiple choice one and pick at random? Because he had no idea what Gerard expected to hear, but was sure there was only one correct answer.

a) “A dream come true.” Okay, maybe being completely honest wouldn’t play in his favor. 

b) “I totally have an answer, but what is it to _ you? _ ” Sure, yeah, pretending to have the upper hand and turning it around. Classic. Surely it was on some page of the Art of War, going all Sun Tzu and shit.

c) “A fun experiment.” High risk, high reward. It could be what Gerard wanted to hear, but could just as easily make him look like an asshole. 

d) “I’d like to use my Phone-a-Friend.” But who would he call? 

“‘Cause I’m thinking…,” Gerard put him out of his misery. It seemed like he had no intentions to let him speak, he might have been doing that thing where he asked himself a question out loud for dramatic purposes. “Maybe it’s not a bad thing we ended up, you know…” 

Frank didn’t know.

“...sharing. Like, this is not something you just tell anyone, and being on tour, it gets harder to find someone. I know I can’t just hire a dominatrix…”

Frank stopped breathing to make sure his face wouldn’t make even the tiniest flinch. No, Frank was an adult who wouldn’t laugh at the sole mention of the word dominatrix.

Okay, no, he was a child who had to bite his lips together.

“...and I guess it must be the same for you, right? You don’t have like… a Sub on tour with us, do you?”

To answer that question, Frank thought he needed to ask another one first and it would be: “what the fuck is a Sub?”, because it didn’t feel like the context for a sandwich and--OH, MOTHERFUCKER. Was it submissive? Was that what Gerard meant with the Dom attitude shit? Did… did he think Frank was a dominant?

“Is this conversation freaking you out?”

“What? Who? Me?” He asked, deciding it was a good moment to start breathing again. Yes, Frank, just breathe and try not to let your voice get too high. “Not at all, I’m just… thinking.”

Oh yeah, his mind was filled with interesting thoughts.

“I know this is a lot,” Gerard went on. For someone who had resisted sharing that part of himself so much, he surely was talking a lot. Frank wasn’t complaining, though. “I thought it’d be so weird for you to know, I was sure it’d make things awkward and then you would avoid me and then we’d drift apart because of it and…”

“I would never avoid you,” Frank interrupted him, confident in his own words. “It’s not weird.”

But it was weird.

“It’s really not,” Gerard smiled. “I mean… I feel fine, I think. We’re still friends, we’re talking,” he seemed to gain confidence too as he spoke. “I guess sometimes friends can share their secret kinks and jerk each other off.”

Nope. They can’t.

“That’s what I’ve been telling you!” Frank said without thinking, because the thought of being right and continuing with whatever Gerard had in mind was stronger than the little sting of resentment the word ‘friend’ gave him each time he heard it. “It’s fine. We’re like, more than friends, you know?”

“Right. Yeah. We’re  _ best _ friends”, he emphasized, which seemed to also be his big conclusion. “I wouldn’t… I mean, I  _ couldn’t _ share this with anyone else.”

Gerard looked at him in a way that truly made him feel special, despite adding those words that seemed to lock down his destiny. He wasn’t only a friend, now he was a  _ best _ friend. It was like being appointed friend for life. He had been knighted Sir friend with benefits. And he had to be the only moron capable of not only lending himself, but volunteering to be used as a way to blow off steam or whatever. He wasn’t even sure yet what Gerard wanted from him; as long as it included touching his dick, Frank was ready to sell his soul to Satan.

“Happy to help, man,” he smiled from ear to ear. Yeah, this was fine. Just fine.

On the bright side, this conversation turned out to be a total boner killer. He couldn’t believe how talking so much around —maybe?— sex could be so unsexy. If he hadn’t been sure about Gerard being completely clueless, he would’ve thought he was doing it on purpose to get rid of the previous mood.

Yes, having Gerard’s gaze lost somewhere around Frank’s lap was only that thing he did where he dove into his own mind and forgot his surroundings, not him looking for a sign that Frank was turned on, because why would he care? The timing for lending a —literal— hand had passed.

“So, like… how did you get into it?” Gerard suddenly asked, raising his head to face Frank, who was totally blanking again.

“Oh, you know…” Frank’s eyes traveled through the room trying to stall and think of an answer. “Internet.”

“Right”, Gerard nodded, apparently satisfied with his short answer, and that could be because he wanted to share his own experience now that he was able to. “So for me it was a girlfriend I had in college. She was older than me and really into BDSM, you know?”

Frank nodded. What the fuck did BDSM even stand for? He knew it meant kinky shit, like Dominatrixes, latex, cuffs… Maybe whips? Oh, right! The D and S should be for Dominant and Submissive. Sure, yeah, this was easy. M surely for Masochism and B… Bodies? Bondage? Balls! Boobs?

“We didn’t like… go full out, but she did some… uh, interesting stuff.”

Pegging. It had to be pegging, right? Please. It  _ had _ to be.

“Pegging.”

“Yeah.”

Franked blinked a few times. Not only had he not realized he said the word, but Gerard admitted the fact while blushing a bit. Of course Gerard must have had experience bottoming, with how much he mentioned getting fucked in the ass when absolutely nobody had asked him about it, but somehow imagining Gerard getting pegged was way sexier than thinking about him being fucked by a man. Maybe because it was a new idea.

“Hot.”

“It was.”

“So, uh,” Frank swallowed hard. “I should get going.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, you know, we have an early start tomorrow and… uh, yeah,” Frank thought it was a convincing enough excuse.

“Of course, sure, yeah, I should get some sleep too,” Gerard immediately tried to lighten up the situation and Frank couldn’t have been more grateful, because he needed to get the fuck out of there. There was no way for him to stay without blurting out something dumb in the form of ‘no, I don’t know jack shit about this’ or ‘can I try spanking you now or what.’ “G’night, Frankie.”

“‘Night, Gee,” he replied, feeling a bit guilty about how sweet Gerard’s voice had been while saying goodbye.

***

Frank shut the door behind him and since that wasn’t going to be enough to stop Ray from getting in their shared bedroom, he locked himself in the bathroom. The real reason to escape from Gerard’s room was that he couldn’t take anymore how hard he was. His dick had only taken a brief recess during the conversation and had returned stronger than ever upon the mere image of Gerard indulging in different sex acts.

And who was Frank trying to fool? If he had to run and take cover to masturbate whenever Gerard touched him over the fabric of his clothes, it was just impossible to hold it in after seeing him naked and turned on, especially now that he knew how he sounded and looked like while climaxing. Frank had gone from having three to four precious moments in his spank bank to accessing a full selection of fantasies and memories. He needed to release all of that accumulated heat or he would explode.

He leaned on the door and lowered his jeans, tugging down the underwear as well, his movements clumsy and desperate.  _ Gerard tied himself up,  _ he reminded himself while getting a hand between his thighs to play with his balls.  _ Gerard likes to be dominated,  _ he thought, remembering how he had whimpered under his touch, getting harder after being called a pervert.  _ Gerard got pegged by his ex,  _ his breathing accelerated.

_ “I touched his dick with this hand,”  _ he told himself, watching his right hand and using it to touch himself. He hadn’t only touched Gerard’s cock, he had made him come with that same hand, those same fingers had surrounded his erection, had rubbed the tip and gotten slick with his precum, just as he was doing now. 

He quickly began thrusting his own fist, every moan echoing in the bathroom and his back pressed once again against a door he hoped no one would knock in the next few minutes. Gerard’s moaning had been  _ so fuckin’ hot,  _ even though he was trying to hold it in so no one would hear. It just made the little noises better, like they were only meant for Frank.

God, he wanted to touch his ass so bad. Get his fingers in him, touch his prostate, made him fuckin’ cry with need. Gee had gotten so wet, so fast; he had been so aroused by being tied up and getting jerked off through his underwear. So fuckin’ sensitive. Frank didn’t think it would be difficult to make him beg, to really get him desperate for more. For Frank’s cock, up his ass. Yeah, that could happen. Frank could picture it.

“Shit, Gee…,” he heard himself say. Each time he pronounced Gerard’s name while masturbating it just made it real, like he was allowed to lust after him. But he wasn’t, so he only whispered it to himself, while having him in his imagination.

He squeezed his boner a bit tighter and brought his left hand to his mouth, licking the palm as wet as possible, getting spit in his fingers while he pictured blowing Gerard. That was actually possible now; if he managed to get Gerard tied up again, he wouldn’t let the opportunity go to waste. Surely Gee would like it, and Frank would show him every trick he knew, allowing him to touch deep into his throat. Gerard was so big, Frank knew it would make breathing difficult and for some reason, the thought was turning him on so much right now.

He used both hands to masturbate, trying to fuck them furiously, again thrusting his hips as hard and fast as he could, feeling drops of sweat falling down his forehead and back, getting too worked up from his own imagination. He was close, but an idea had formed in his head and he couldn’t let it go.

His lips pressed together, aware that he was about to do something he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone ever, worse than any other thing he had ever done before. He was going to feel guilty and dirty, but it didn’t matter; he needed it. And since he was alone in the bathroom, he went for it, grabbing the edge of his t-shirt with his left hand and bringing the jizz stain to his lips, mouthing the fabric, trying to get a taste of Gerard, the one he couldn’t get before.

It was just as bitter and cum-like as he had expected it. It was starting to dry off too. It was fuckin’ filthy and he knew it, but it made him come so fuckin’ hard, he couldn’t care at the moment.

He was fucked up. Really fucked up. 

***

“How the fuck was I supposed to know that?” Frank complained to absolutely no one after reading the first result on Google for his search —‘what does bdsm stand for’— and finding out it wasn’t an acronym per se, but some sort of concept: Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. 

He wasn’t even aware of discipline playing a big role on the topic until now, having been looking around the internet for about 30 minutes, already showered and tucked in his bed.

Ray hadn’t come back yet, the party must have been good and on any other occasion Frank would’ve been willing to go back, but there just weren’t enough beers in the world right now to make him get away from his screen. There was so much information, he didn’t know what was relevant anymore. He had read the entire history of BDSM —which would only come in handy if Gerard decided to quiz him next time they discussed the subject— and was now scowling at images of something called  _ Strappado,  _ getting sidetracked for a minute on how it had been used as a torture method 600 years ago.

Focus, Frankie.

Beyond the theory, he guessed what he needed was the human perspective. Despite what Gerard thought —or what Frank made him believe— he had no experience besides watching a few porn videos with people tied up wearing blindfolds, and a woman walking around in latex saying cringey shit while holding a whip. They weren’t his favorites, hearing someone call another person “mistress” gave him the giggles, so he had never actively searched content from that category. He knew what everybody else knew about it: it was a kinky practice that included toys and accessories Frank didn’t think would be available to them while on tour.

He found another article and read the first paragraph:  _ “Although some people think that BDSM is 'kinky', in some cases it doesn't have to involve sex at all – the mental connotations of some acts are more of a turn-on than the prelude of a particular act leading to sex.”  _ What? BORING.

No, Gerard had definitely been turned on, even before he started ‘dominating’ him, if it could be called that. As Frank saw it, just being restricted did it for Gee. It had to be something sexual.

What the hell did Gerard want from him though? 

His next search was: ‘how to be a dominatrix’, because that was what Gerard told him about how it all started for him. Frank had no idea if being a Dom was different than being a Dominatrix, but he had to start somewhere and there were guides available, so he had to read them. Those were the moments that made you want to hire someone to erase your browsing history if you got in an accident.

  1. **Never assume consent.**



Shit. 

He rubbed his face on both hands and reviewed what happened in his head. He had been ready to stop as soon as Gerard said he didn’t want what he was doing and certainly paid attention to his body language, which was basically responding to him humping his hand. After that they talked about it and Gee told him it was what he wanted, but Frank couldn’t shake off the idea that he should’ve asked first. And now this list was emphasizing just that.

Was he failing before starting?

No, no, c’mon, that shit didn’t count. He’d start being a dominatrix once he was done with this crash course. The best fuckin’ dominatrix ever, he would attend dominatrix’s olympics and kick everybody’s asses.

So, what else?

  1. **Set boundaries before playing the dominatrix.**



For fuck’s sake. 

No fuckin’ clue what Gerard’s boundaries were. As far as he was concerned, privacy was one of them, but that ship had sailed. Frank would have to ask him, the guide stated how bad things could go if the Dom forced their Sub —hot— beyond their limits and broke their trust.

And since he had no idea what those limits were, he also didn’t know what Gerard liked. He could infer some humiliation and name-calling, besides having his movement limited. Shit, this felt like writing a paper for college.

  1. **Keep the lines of communication open throughout the experience.**



Okay, that didn’t sound difficult. He had to let Gerard communicate verbally or physically during what was known as a ‘play’ or ‘session’, which was starting to sound suspiciously similar to his shitty sessions of Dungeons & Dragons. Was this just the kinky version of it? Because if Gerard expected him to be a fuckin’ elf--

His train of thought was interrupted by hearing the bedroom’s door open and he rushed to shut his laptop, staring with guilt written all over his face at Ray once he came in.

“Are you watching porn?”

“Yup,” Frank immediately accepted the excuse Ray offered. “Filthy, gross porn.”

Ray chuckled, surely a bit drunk. “Tentacle hentai shit?”

“Exactly.”

“Well, don’t let me stop you. I mean… I’ll shower and give you like ten minutes. That’s enough for you to jerk off twice, right?” He laughed while grabbing his bag from the other bed, turning his back to Frank.

“Three times if I think of you showering.”

“Whatever you gotta do, man.”

Taking into account that answer and the zigzag he did to get to the bathroom, Frank assumed Ray must have had between 6 to 8 beers, because less would’ve gotten a disgusted face for that comment and more, would have earned Frank a flying kiss. Ray was a funny guy.

“Leave the door open!” He warned.

“C’mon, man, don’t jerk off to me…”

Perhaps he was in the 4 to 6 range. “It’s in case you slip in the shower, so you don’t bleed to death!” 

“Oh,” Ray accepted, doing as told and yelling: “You’re a good friend! Enjoy your porn!”

“Thanks, man!”

Once he heard the shower going, Frank opened up his laptop again and skimmed through the articles he still had on queue. He didn’t know when he would be alone again to research some more, so he took note of the most important concepts and yes, he was a nerd, but a nerd with a chance to dominate his crush and make him beg and cry from pleasure —if he had understood correctly what a Dom did.

Consent, contract, boundaries, pleasure, communication, aftercare. He kind of understood each of them, though aftercare seemed weird. Was it necessary to try and make kinky what was clearly just cuddling? No idea. His plan was to remain quiet as much as possible and just follow Gerard’s flow, because that had worked until now.

Just wish for the best.

***

Acting natural was one of those things no one thought Frank could do and despite how much he hated being underestimated, he knew it was best for people to believe he wasn’t capable of lying. One of the reasons Gerard didn’t want to share his secrets was because he didn’t think Frank could keep them to himself. Please, he had been keeping his own feelings to himself for a long time, he fuckin’ knew how to keep secrets.

It was still nice to see the smile Gerard gave him when Frank greeted him as if nothing had happened and didn’t bring up the whole BDSM thing in front of everybody, no matter how much he wanted to show him all he learnt about it. In fact, he didn’t look for Gerard more than normal during interviews or practices, just pretending what they did wasn’t a big deal and he wasn’t desperate at all to know when it could happen again. Playing it cool, yeah. Frank was a fuckin’ ninja of hiding his feelings.

Well, he was until the opportunity for attention presented itself and Frank saw it the moment they were both standing in front of the dressing room’s mirror. They were the ones who cared the most about their makeup, so it was kind of something they shared while the rest occupied themselves in other stuff.

If Frank was weak against something, it had to be being physically close to Gerard. Because it was so easy, you know? If he saw him sitting anywhere, it was the easiest thing in the world to just go sit on his lap. What was Gerard going to do? Push him out? No, Gerard had way too much patience and was already used to how touchy-feely Frank could be, which of course Frank took advantage of. Right now, as they were both in each other’s space, it would be so easy to stretch out and get an arm around Gerard’s waist, making it seem like one of those things Frank did because he needed to be constantly coddled by everybody.

He was drawing with an eyeliner on his face when his hand slipped. There were certainly some subtler ways to get attention.

“Shit,” he cursed, looking for a makeup wipe. “Can’t get this fuckin’ line straight.”

Gerard stopped applying his white base and left the sponge of the table before turning to Frank, taking the pencil from his hand. “Lemme do it.”

“Thanks,” he smiled, unconsciously biting on his lip ring.

“Close your eyes.”

Frank took a few seconds to enjoy seeing his face up close, focusing on his favorite moles on his chin and cheek. Then he shut his eyes and breathed in softly, trying to stay still despite how his heart started racing. Although it wasn’t the first time Gerard put makeup on him, he still was excited about it. Sometimes he wished to have never learnt to do it right so that Gerard would have to keep on grabbing his face as he did now, touching him with brushes and fingertips.

Even the tip of the eyeliner grazing his skin was getting him hot. Gerard’s pinky was flat on Frank’s cheek to support his hand and allow him to make a precise line, and Frank found himself swallowing hard. He had masturbated two times the day before, would he really get turned on by this?

Maybe, because it wasn’t just about makeup. This was being so close he could feel Gerard’s breathing on his lips, since he was the kind of perfectionist who needed to be millimeters away from whatever he was creating to control every little detail; he did it with his sketchbooks and was now doing it with Frank’s face. Without looking at him, Frank could tell exactly what expression he had, all focused and dedicated, because he had seen it from far away many times. And now he had him there, so close and unable to do anything about it, barely keeping himself from moving the tiniest bit to touch his lips and maybe say it was an accident, in case it wasn’t well received. 

Terrible idea, honestly.

“Are you done?” He asked in a whisper, getting restless.

“No, wait a bit,” Gerard replied. Frank noticed him leaving for a moment, but stayed still and kept his eyes closed just in case.

“I’m getting bored.”

In response, Gerard lifted his face with his fingers under his chin and the next thing Frank felt was one of his fingers patting his lips. Keeping his tongue inside his mouth turned out to be a real challenge, especially when Gerard’s finger stopped to delicately move his ring. “Okay, how about that?”

Frank forced himself to open his eyes and look in the mirror. Gerard had applied a bit of red lipstick, which made him smile. “I’m not sure,” he said, looking for Gerard’s gaze in the reflection. “You like it?”

“Yeah. Get some attention on those lips,” Gerard said as if it was nothing and turned back to do his own makeup.

“You guys done?” A person from the staff asked them and Frank realized they were the only ones left in the dressing room.

He was about to say yes when Gerard grabbed his arm to stop him. “Actually, can you give us a minute? I’m not done and I need Frank’s help.”

“Sure, we’ll be out there,” the guy said and started talking into his radio.

Now they were completely alone in the room and his heart started racing again, because he knew it had been an excuse. Gerard didn’t need Frank’s help. And Frank had been around long enough to talk himself down, because no matter how much his mind wanted to make him believe Gerard would take off his clothes and ask him to be his boyfriend —maybe not in that order?—, he already knew better than to have high expectations.

Unless their dynamic had drastically changed around that BDSM thing? Fuck, he was having high hopes again.

“Hey, sorry about that,” Gerard began saying, although his gaze was still in the mirror, checking what he was doing. “I wanted to talk to you and the day’s been so busy.”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” he said, leaning casually against a wall to convey a sense of confidence he didn’t feel. “What is it?”

“About last night, I’ve been thinking...”

Signing a contract? Talking about boundaries? Making a list of stuff they wanted to try out? Picking out a safeword? Arrange a time for a full session? Whatever it could be, Frank was ready to answer. He finally felt like the kid in the first row of the classroom raising his hand excitedly. 

“Yeah?” Frank could barely hold it in. Had Gerard always been so slow to speak or was he carefully picking out his words?

“I wanted to apologize. And ask you to forget about it,” he finally said. It was weird how he could use such a calm tone, without even looking at him, just casually saying those words while his brush traced a perfect line on his face. “I shared too much, I was a bit drunk, you know? I’m… really regretting all I said, and I’m sorry. I don’t think it’s a good idea to drag you into my mess.”

“Hey, no. Gee, I’m fine with it,” Frank rushed to clarify. “I want to help.”

“I know you do,” Gerard turned around to see him, still holding a brush in his hand. His smile was kind of amused, like Frank’s reaction was exactly what he expected. “See? That’s the thing, you’re not the one getting into trouble for it. You don’t need it,” he pointed out, as if it was such an admirable thing for him to accomplish. In any other context, Frank would’ve loved this level of approval. “I should get my shit together, and be cool about it, like you do.”

So playing it cool had betrayed him? That was the problem, him being too calm about it? Did he need to bring out his paper on BDSM and its modern evolution for Gerard to believe that, not only was he NOT COOL about it, but was fuckin’ desperate? Because, if the issue was not getting into troubles, boy, he could get into some motherfuckin’ troubles, if by troubles you meant Gerard’s pants. Or something like that. He had lost his train of thought and maybe the opportunity to say something back, because the assistant was already calling for them.

“Guys, we need you on the stage now!”

Gerard gave himself a last touch in the mirror, messing with his hair just as he liked it, and patted Frank’s shoulder on the way out. “Thanks anyway. You’re a good friend, Frankie.”

“That seems to be the consensus,” he muttered.

Okay, perhaps that could be the silver lining. The day he finally exploded and set the bus on fire or something like that, people would tell the reporters:  _ “It was so unexpected! That poor kid. He seemed like such a good friend.” _

***

Maybe that would happen sooner rather than later. The people in charge of the documentary  _ “Frank Lero, from good friend to full-on psycho” _ would have plenty of material from tonight’s show, where no piece of equipment on the stage could escape his tantrum. Mic stands, amplifiers, pedals, guitars, and his bandmates, nothing was beyond his range of destruction —mental note: cool name for a band—, despite everyone trying to stop him at some point. He just couldn’t be contained.

Only once they stood off the stage, Frank noticed several of his own body parts hurting. His rage wasn’t just for external objects, he had been destroying himself too and that was kind of normal, but this time he had gone too far. His knees were in pain, and surely covered in bruises from hitting the ground too much, and he touched his neck, remembering some berserk moment of him getting a mic cable around it and strangling himself for a minute or two. Talk about rough. He could even taste blood in his mouth; he had bitten his lip from the inside while thrashing around.

When he raised his gaze, he found Gerard looking at him. He was as dirty and sweaty as every time they finished a show, just as Frank, but he seemed concerned. He hated that look, how dare he worry when he was the cause of his misery? He had to know by now, right? He was standing there, playing dumb, pretending not to realize how Frank wanted to eliminate those three steps between them and rip off the sweaty clothes out of his body as if no one else was around.

“Great show,” someone patted Frank’s back, which made him aware of a bruise on his shoulder he must have gotten doing something stupid.

“Thanks, man,” he replied, turning around. Then Mikey approached Gerard and the moment was gone, because they weren’t alone and his frustration wasn’t Gerard’s fault. He wasn’t at fault for Frank not being able to settle with only being his friend, and it certainly wasn’t his responsibility being so close to give him more and then taking it away. 

“Let’s get some beers in you,” Ray suggested, gaining his attention. Maybe his bad mood was more obvious than he thought, and he was grateful no one had asked him the reason.

Beer sounded good. There were very few situations where it didn’t, but Frank’s mind did a quick connection: beers implied people, people as Bert and people as Gerard, people who would be flirting with each other and laughing at inner jokes because for some reason, Gerard could bring his guard down for Bert, and both of them would be lost in their own fuckin’ world and Frank would commit his first crime if he had to sit and watch them.

“Not tonight,” he decided, about the party and about his first murder. He was young, it could wait. “I’ll just chill by myself.”

Ray made an unsure face, wondering whether to pressure him or not, but seemed to understand that he needed some time alone. “Text me if you change your mind, okay?”

“Will do,” he accepted and made an effort to smile. He didn’t want to worry Ray, nor could he explain what was bothering him. No matter how angry Frank was, he wouldn’t reveal Gerard’s secrets. That shit was sacred.

***

Being by himself got old quicker than expected. It was frustrating how much he wanted to get distracted and how hard it was to stop thinking about it. Why screaming and destroying shit on stage hadn’t worked? Normally it would drain him of any negative emotion, or at least leave him tired enough to go to sleep without a single thought in his head.

Now the conversation with Gerard kept playing back in his mind, making him wonder why he hadn’t said anything. He felt like a moron. How couldn’t he give him an argument? How did he let the chance pass through his fingers without catching it? Perhaps the reason Gerard was attracted to Bert instead of him was that he actually took action when it mattered. Yeah, sure, Frank walked around like he owned the place until he was faced with something important and the anxiety twisted his guts.

He couldn’t remember a single moment where he had taken a serious step to change his relationship with Gerard. He hadn’t given him the opportunity to reject him upfront, because everything was hidden between jokes and pretexts, making him believe he was misunderstanding what obviously was a very special friendship and nothing else. He was a coward, and that’s why Gerard didn’t want him.

Frank rubbed his eyes as soon as his vision blurred, messing up his eyeliner and the rest of the makeup he hadn’t taken off yet. He was the picture of heartbreak, misery and general sadness. Someone should use him as the cover for their album, maybe Coldplay.

He reached for his laptop and opened it, willing to find a distraction until he was faced with all of the tabs from his research and felt like the biggest clown in the world, crying over seeing the word ‘Dominatrix.’ He never even got to be one. It was so unfair.

He closed everything and opened his blog. It had been a long time since he last published anything, but the situation called for it and Frank just let the word vomit take over.

_ horny&sad -for lack of a better title  
_

_ how does it feel to be you, i wonder  
_ _ you just wake up and have everything i could ever dream of, and i don’t mean i’d like to be like you. i mean i’d like to fuck you, please and thanks, am i saying the magic words correctly?  
_ _ but i don’t mean it like that. i mean it in the way where you actually want my cock -i mean me.  
_ _ hi, is this shit on? hello? can you hear me? are you ignoring me on purpose? ‘cause two can play this game, but not really.   
_ _ so let’s play another game, let’s play the one where you tell me exactly what you want and i go crazy trying to be exactly it. c’mon, you love this game! just picture me running in circles, setting myself on fire for you. again and again.  
_ _ 1, 2, 3, is this really on? check, check, check. where’s the sound guy when you need him  
_ _ i don’t think you’re really listening, but that’s ok. i’m used to it by now, so let me tell you a secret: i would do anything for you. what? you already knew that? you fucker. of course you know. i knew you knew, and you knew i knew.   
_ __ the thing is: you don’t care. but if you don’t care, then why not use me?  
_ fill every single hole in my body but leave my heart empty ‘cause it’s the most dangerous part of me (but you can still fuck it if you want to).   
_ __ wrap me around your dick, use me and discard me, make me your cum sock. 

_ this came out like porn, but it was supposed to be a love-letter. _

***

Locking up to suffer and write bad poetry without any respect for punctuation or grammar whatsoever was only useful for a couple of days. Sure, his anonymous blog got a lot of hits, but his mood didn’t improve and it was getting dangerous to be around him on stage. Well, more than usual. Just a few hours ago he had been close to separating Mikey’s head from his body with his guitar and no matter how much of a good friend he was, Gerard wouldn’t forgive him if he decapitated his brother. Frank needed healthier ways to let his frustration out and even though he still felt being surrounded by people and alcohol wouldn’t help, he had to give it a shot.

He was sick of being on tour. And sick of being sick of being on tour, because he normally loved it. He wanted to enjoy it again, extract any negative feelings he had and just keep the positive ones. Why couldn’t he go back to when things weren’t as messed up?

It wasn’t his first unrequited love —Sophie Miller, 6th grade and Jason Garcia, 10th grade. Fuck both of them—, he knew time healed everything, kinda. But it was difficult when you couldn’t just hate the other person and wish death upon them searching satanic rituals on the internet, because that wasn’t the way to save an important friendship, or keeping things cool within the band.

He especially thought about it when Mikey and Ray cornered him. They had been trying to ask what was wrong and Frank just made up excuses, like his favorite team had lost —why the fuck would no one believe he liked football?— or that he was on a particularly sad part of The Catcher in the Rye. This time it wouldn’t be enough.

“Frankie, we know what’s up,” Ray said upfront, in that serious tone of his that was as authoritarian as caring. He gave Mikey a look and Mikey nodded, allowing him to carry the conversation and stating he agreed with it. “You don’t have to hide it anymore.”

Frank narrowed his eyes and took a sip from his beer. It felt like playing poker, he had to decide if it was a bluff or not. Generally speaking, Ray was bad at bluffing, but what if he genuinely thought he was right?

Reading his expression, Ray pointed with his head towards Gerard and Bert, who were chatting with a group. Frank looked in said direction and then turned back to Ray, feeling like he would throw up and not from being drunk. If Ray and Mikey had figured it out, then it was only a matter of time before Gerard did too. Maybe they had already spoken about it and that’s why they had him there.

Were they going to kick him out of the group?

“No, no, Frank, it’s okay,” Ray rushed to say, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Look, man, we get it. It’s difficult when you don’t like someone and you have to hang around them all the time. I’m not Bert’s biggest fan, but…”

Wait a minute.  _ Don’t? _

“You think I don’t like Bert?”

“We know you hate him,” Mikey was straightforward. “That’s why you’ve been cooped up in your room and all angry.”

“Wow, you got me.” What else was he supposed to say? This was way better than the truth, even if he would come off as a jerk. Frank liked Bert, he just didn’t like him as much when he was all up in Gerard’s space. “It’s true.”

“The thing is, there’s not much we can do about it, you know?” Ray continued. “He’s dating Gee, so we all have to make an effort.”

Frank considered himself an expert on stomachaches, having experienced all kinds of them since very early on in his life, but the way his interiors twisted after hearing that phrase was something he couldn’t identify. He knew it was emotional, although it felt physical, and was putting all of his energy into not smashing the bottle in his hand on the ground, which was all he could think about.

How could he miss that? Some of the nights he wasn’t around, Gerard gathered the courage to take the next step. Maybe Bert was now looking for guides on how to be a Dominatrix… No, who was he kidding? Surely Bert was an expert on the subject and had more than one latex outfit in his suitcases, and Gerard would tell him about Frank’s poor attempt at it and they would laugh together, maybe it would be him next time on the phone… Shit, the room was spinning.

“They’re not dating,” Mikey corrected.

“Really?” Ray simply asked, as if he hadn’t just given Frank a panic attack. “I thought they were.”

“They’re not. I mean, I think Gerard likes him, but he likes a lot of people. And Bert likes to fuck around so,” he shrugged. “I wouldn’t call it dating.”

“Whatever the kids call it these days. The point is, Frankie, we’re touring together, you can’t avoid him forever, okay?”

It was hard to reply, because it felt like he was learning how to breathe again. They weren’t dating, he hadn’t missed his chance. He had no idea what to do with it, maybe there wasn’t really a chance, but he was sure that he would regret forever not doing something about it if they ever got to dating for real.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so harsh,” Ray apologized. Frank had to laugh.

“You weren’t, man. You’re the sweetest dude on Earth, you know that?” Frank got closer to Ray and forced him to bend over so he could kiss his head. Then, he did the same with Mikey and smiled at both. “You guys are right, I’m going to make amends immediately!”

“You look like you’re going to pull a prank on someone,” Mikey pointed out.

“Me? I would never, Mikeyway.”

Without taking further accusations, Frank turned his back on them; “At least that’s more normal”, he heard them say. Of course Mikey had been right to point out his mischievous expression, because he was ready to cause some problems. This ship wouldn’t go down without him shooting every single fuckin’ cannon available. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Or Mr. Angsty Blogger Guy.

Not only did he approach the group, but he went straight to where Bert and Gerard were sitting, the former resting his legs in the latter’s lap. Oh no, Frankie wouldn’t allow it.

“Frankie!” Bert cheered, spotting him first. “Where have you been? We missed you, man!”

“Hey, I missed you guys too,” Frank said, smiling, noticing Gerard was happy to see him too. “You’re in my seat though.”

Frank didn’t leave room for questions or for it to be interpreted as a joke. He moved Bert’s legs and sat down on the spot he had just claimed as his territory: Gerard’s thighs. He would place a flag and sign a declaration to annex it to his nation, no matter what any of them thought. Luckily they just laughed. Well, it wasn’t such a big declaration, Frank wasn’t proposing to Gerard —yet.

He got an arm on Gerard’s shoulders, who responded by getting his own around Frank’s waist. It was nice. And he didn’t want to ruin the moment overthinking, he was just happy to be there.

“We were actually talking about you,” Gerard said. Frank raised his eyebrows, curious.

“Yeah, dude, you’ve been killing every show!”

“Oh, thanks,” Frank had to say, blushing a little. He was here to go to war, he didn’t expect to be complimented by the enemy. Fuckin’ Bert, why did he have to be so nice? “Or are you mocking me for almost killing Mikey?”

Bert laughed out loud. The bottle on his hand was almost empty and the ones around him made it clear it was the right time to make him laugh about anything. “A little bit! But man, you can’t have a good show without some casualties, right?”

“Those casualties better not be my brother,” Gerard frowned and Bert placed a hand on his knee to soothe him. Frank tensed his lips.

“I’ll aim it at Toro next time.”

“No, c’mon. Aim at all of us, takes us down one by one. We all leave in coffins, our best show ever.”

“And I’m the only one left?”

Gerard shook his head. “You drink poison and die with us.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Frank heard Bert’s voice and was reminded of his presence. He had forgotten about him while getting lost in watching Gerard’s lips and eyes from up close. “I’ll get some more beer. You want one?”

“Sure,” said Gerard and Frank pointed to his half full bottle as a no.

Once they were alone, Gerard brought a hand to Frank’s face and pushed his hair away to touch his forehead. “Is this from tonight?”

“Yeah,” Frank assumed he was referring to the cut above his eyebrow. “You should see the amplifier though,” he joked.

Gerard laughed a little, but it wasn’t as loud as when he really thought something was funny. He kept his eyes on the wound. “Guess it’s not that deep.”

“It’s not,” he said immediately. “I didn’t even feel it until I showered, it just stinged a bit.” 

Those were the moments that managed to confuse Frank. Absolutely anyone who saw them would read that scene as intimate. They were barely a few centimeters away from each other, hugging as much as possible, with Gerard focusing all of his attention and care on him. But it was somehow just a close friendship.

He had to take a step, right? Do something, push it to the limit. He wouldn’t let this chance go by.

“You can still kiss it better.”

Gerard gave him an intense look, with a smile forming on his lips that magically changed the mood. That guy really could brighten up or darken a room just like that. “I don’t think I should reward you for being a fuckin’ tornado.”

“Why not? I’ve been a good boy otherwise,” he insisted, before getting to overthink the consequences.

“Have you now?” Gerard stared at him really questioning his words. “You’ve been up in your room a lot,” he pointed out and Frank was surprised he had paid any attention to it. Well, it was probably a group conversation by now. They were nosy as fuck. 

It was difficult to stay still when Gerard got closer, speaking in a volume so low only Frank could hear it. “Did you find someone to play with?”, and just hearing the question made every single hair in his body rise. What kind of question was that? Why phrase it that way? What the fuck was going on?

“I did,” he replied, enjoying for a few seconds the face Gerard made. “But he backed out before we could really get into it… the fuckin’ tease.”

Gerard smiled, quickly understanding where this was going. “That really sucks. Maybe you should teach him a lesson about keeping his word, you know?”

Shit. This was it. Really it. Frank had to play his hand now or cry about it forever, there wouldn’t be another chance like this one. All or nothing.

“I agree, I should do it right now,” he nodded and brought him closer by tightening his grip around his neck so he could speak directly in his ear. “He deserves at least some spanking.”

By the way in which Gerard swallowed, Frank knew he had hit the jackpot.

***

Every step towards the hotel, dragging Gerard by his sleeve, felt like the most important he had taken in his whole life. Gee didn’t say or do anything to indicate he had changed his mind or was having doubts, but it felt like it could happen at any moment, because it was too good to be true. Frank didn’t know what he was going to do with Gerard, but was sure he could come up with something.

And he was aware that this was happening only because Gerard was horny. Frank had no idea what he had done, maybe his ass had rubbed on Gerard’s crotch in a way that he liked or his shampoo had some sort of pheromones that worked on him. Whatever it had been, Frank would always be grateful for it.

He had to take advantage of it, so he went straight to his room and unlocked the door without asking where they should go. As soon as he had Gerard inside, he pressed him against the door and grabbed his face by his chin, kissing him just as he had always dreamed of. They had never done it before without an audience and if Frank could keep playing his cards right, it wouldn’t be the only first thing they did tonight.

Just as he thought, Gerard reacted well to him taking the lead. Although he kept both arms to his sides instead of holding him, as soon as Frank asked for entrance touching his lips with his tongue, Gerard opened his mouth. He was willing to take orders in any form. And Frank couldn’t hold it in anymore, he wanted Gerard in any way he could have him and was showing it in his kiss, hungry and forceful. 

He brought his hands to Gerard’s belt with no time to waste, fighting the bat buckle open. Gerard interrupted the kiss, but didn’t move from where he was. “Frankie…,” he called, and his tone sounded like pleading.

“Who said you could talk?” said Frank, way more nervous than he looked. That was what BDSM was about, right? Pretending to be confident and letting fiction create reality. “You’re not bailing out on me again.”

Gerard nodded in silence. Frank pulled on his belt until he could remove it entirely and used it to tie up his hands together, in front of him. The bat buckle hung from the knot he made. Frank got his index finger in it and checked it wasn’t too tight, just as he had read on the guide.

The way Gerard was looking at him wasn’t something he had experienced before. His face was just as feverish as in their previous encounter, but now it had some admiration or maybe desire in his eyes, as if he really believed in his dominant role. Frank wanted to see himself like that, because he would never be able to let it go if he messed this up.

His hands went for Gerard’s pants again, opening and lowering them immediately, until he was kneeling on the floor. “Step out of them”, he instructed. Gerard obeyed. “Sit on the bed.”

Was this shit really that easy? Gerard kept obeying him. He was now wearing his black shirt, red tie, underwear and his own belt tying his wrists together while sitting on Frank’s bed. It was really a wet dream come true. Frank felt drunk with power, especially when he stood next to him and looked down. Gerard stared back, looking so willing and expectant that it only made things worse.

“Spread your legs,” he ordered, keeping his voice as steady as possible. Gerard didn’t break eye contact while doing exactly as told, but Frank did to look directly between his legs. He bent over him and stretched the waistband with a finger, getting a closer and more evident look. “What’s this? Why are you hard?”

Gerard fluttered his eyelashes a few times and shrugged. 

“Answer me.”

“I don’t know.”

Frank pulled more and got his other hand to remove the briefs. “Raise your hips”, he said. Gerard did. “And I think you know why. Tell me.”

He had to kneel again to slide the underwear down Gerard’s thighs and that made his face be close to his erection, so he had to pretend he wasn’t dying to get it in his mouth and taste it. Okay, maybe that shit was harder than he expected, but it was worth having him like that. Frank would do whatever he had to.

“I… like being tied up,” Gerard admitted.

“And?”

“And… I’m a filthy whore?”

Frank pressed his lips together. He stood up after throwing Gerard’s briefs on the floor and looked him down again, getting to undo his own belt. “Yeah, you are,” he replied, despite how surprised the statement had made him. In theory it should’ve been funny, but it actually was kind of sexy? Fuck, was now Frank really into this? “Lay on the bed, on your side, facing the wall.”

Yes, just like that. The more detailed his instructions were, the more he felt prepared and in charge. “What are you gonna do?” Gerard asked. Truth be told, he had only wanted to check out Gerard’s ass from that angle.

“You’ll know soon enough,” he bit his lip, enjoying the view.

He took his pink belt and sat on the bed, behind Gerard. “Bend it,” he instructed, touching his leg; Gerard pressed his ankle to his thigh. Frank got the belt around his leg two times and buckled it, forcing him to keep the position. He had seen it in a picture and had to say it looked way better in person.

His hand traveled to Gerard’s neck and began undoing his tie, getting close to speak in his ear. “You can’t escape.”

Gerard remained silent and Frank had another idea. He was full of amazing ideas tonight.

He held up the tie and covered his eyes, tying it around his head. He was close enough to hear how fast his heart was beating and how he began softly trembling in anticipation. He had never seen Gerard like this and it felt addictive to have that effect on him, turning him on so much he was willing to do anything. Frank was boiling inside, his jeans so tight they were getting uncomfortable, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what he wanted to do to Gerard.

But shit. Weren’t there rules for this? He had studied for this test!

“If you want to stop, just tell me,” he said quietly, caressing Gerard’s skin around the pink belt.

“I’m okay,” he replied in the same tone, as if they had just made a tiny pause. When Frank carried on caressing until he got to his ass and slapped it, Gerard gasped. “You really did it…,” he sounded surprised and, of course, turned on.

“Well, you deserve it,” Frank said, soothing the spot before spanking him again. It sounded way worse than it was, because he didn’t know how hard to hit him, so he was staying on the safer side and looking over Gerard’s shoulder to check he was still hard. The tip of his dick was getting wet and his erection hadn’t gone down at all.

He gave him a third slap and instead of hearing Gerard complain, what escaped from his lips was a needy sound. 

“Harder…,” he asked, panting. Fuck, that was hot.

Before complying, he pressed his fingers in his buttock, squeezing as he had always wanted to do. Then he spanked him two more times, which made Gerard moan so loud it had been close to screaming. “You really are filthy,” Frank whispered, licking from the base of his neck to his ear. “But I like ‘em that way.”

He wasn’t going to spend the whole night spanking him until his hand hurt, it seemed like a waste, and he had read it didn’t have to be only about punishments; he thought it was time for a reward, as much for Gerard as for him, so he sat on the bed and made Gerard turn until he was on his back. Frank held his knee, the leg he still had tied up, and spread him, getting his mouth on that dick without a single warning.

Being blindfolded had given Frank the element of surprise and Gerard immediately lost his breath. Frank enjoyed his reaction as much as he was enjoying the taste of Gerard’s precum on his tongue. Okay, it wasn’t particularly tasty, it just tasted like precum, but it was  _ Gerard’s. _

“F-Frank…,” Gerard swallowed hard. “Oh my God…”

Yes, that was exactly the reaction he wanted, he hoped he was thanking whoever in his mind for Frank’s skill at giving head, because he was  _ really _ good at it. Frank was already a guy who loved to get his tongue on everything and spitting on every person he could, so the fact that this was Gerard’s cock had him energetic as ever, licking every single spot and making him enter deeply in his throat without it being necessary, as Gerard was trembling under him.

He placed an arm on his hip to prevent him from moving and got his other hand on his balls and under them, reaching that place just before his asshole Frank knew felt so good. That was a trick he was proud of. “N-no… shit…”, Gerard complained, trying to move his hands for the first time to get them in his crotch, as if he had forgotten they were tied up. Frank wondered if he needed to stop. “I-I’m close…”

“Good,” Frank replied, licking along his shaft after taking it out of his mouth to speak. “I want you to cum and remember it whenever you think about backing out on me again.”

Gerard nodded a few times, fast, trying to thrust his hips up and get Frank to welcome him back into his mouth, which obviously happened right away. Frank started bobbing his head, up and down, making sure to press his tongue in the good places and hollow his cheeks. Gerard wouldn’t stop moaning, getting louder every second, and throwing his head back. Frank could feel how hard he was inside his mouth, and realized he was as close as he had said.

He moved the hand between his thighs, reaching further, feeling how everything was wet from his spit, and touched his ass, just caressing his asshole without really pushing in, which seemed to be enough for Gerard to ejaculate in Frank’s mouth. Frank felt like he could’ve come just from that, but he didn’t.

He swallowed everything, of course, and licked Gerard clean, because who knew when he would have a chance like that again. It had been just a play, it didn’t mean Gerard was forced to repeat it.

He saw how agitated his breathing was and how his hair was sticking to his face because of the sweat. Maybe leaving his shirt on had been cruel, but he looked so good in it Frank couldn’t really regret it. Besides, his face seemed too relaxed to care.

The pink belt was removed first and then the one in his hands, which was very loose. If Gerard had wanted to release himself, he could’ve done it with little effort. “You okay?” He asked while taking the tie off his eyes.

“Yeah. A bit sleepy,” he confessed, covering his mouth to yawn. It seemed genuine. It was late and they had been running around between shows, practices and interviews, so Frank believed him and just kept making excuses for him in his head so he wouldn’t be tempted to ask for him to return the favor. He was scared of pushing too much. “That was…”

Frank nodded before Gerard could finish the sentence. It was true, it had been good, but for some reason he didn’t want to hear it. He wanted to… feel him close, maybe. Forget about how he was using him to release tension, because he knew that had to be enough, but would have liked the illusion to last a bit longer.

Was the ‘Aftercare’ portion about that?

“C’mere for a minute,” he said, stretching out his arms. Gerard pondered for a second and looked around, probably searching for his underwear, as if that would make things less intimate. When he couldn’t find it, he just went in. Frank got his arms around Gerard’s shoulders and his fingers ran through his hair. “You’re not filthy, okay? That was just part of the game.”

Gerard pressed his cheek on Frank’s chest, weirdly quiet for a few seconds. “Okay.”

“And you deserve to be loved,” Frank added. “This is not as twisted as you think, you’re still worthy of love. I need you to know that.”

Again a pause. Surely Frank was pushing it and Gerard would tell him he was corny as fuck and that was just about getting off, that he didn’t need to be fuckin’ psychoanalyzed, but Frank still needed to say those words and make sure Gerard got them.

However, instead of lashing out or mocking him, Gerard got up, stared into Frank’s eyes for a moment and then kissed his forehead. “You too, Frankie.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thank you for waiting, hope you liked it! I'll try to get back to updating every two weeks. 
> 
> Can you believe what [Barb](https://twitter.com/andiftheygetme) made for this story?
> 
> Anyway, I'll be on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kitoko69) if you need me.


	3. In flesh and blood and self-hate

What could Gerard expect him to answer? It was one thing Frank reassuring him after the act because he suspected he could be getting into some of his dark thoughts, but why would Gerard think Frank needed to hear it too? Well, delving in whatever Gerard said was never useful, Frank had already learnt after years of getting nowhere. Maybe he didn’t mean anything by it. It didn’t matter, Frank just wanted to get him out of that dark place where Gerard usually started thinking he was alone and would die by himself; not on Frank’s watch. No way.

He chose to remain quiet and accept Gerard’s word for what they were. They were positive, at least, and it showed how Gerard cared for him and had enough trust to allow him in that aspect of his life, as a friend. Anything beyond that would just mean complications. 

As abruptly as it started, the moment ended with Gerard looking for his clothes. Frank sat awkwardly on the bed trying to hide how turned on he still was, realizing he was getting nothing back yet again. Was BDSM supposed to be like that? The Dom had to pretend to be frigid? Because it all seemed centered around the Sub’s pleasure and needs. Frank was scared asking Gerard to touch him might make him realize somehow about how far beyond friendship territory they already were.

“You're really good at giving head,” said Gerard while getting his boots back on, as if he was telling him how good at math he was or something like that. “if I had known, I would've asked you sooner.”

Frank knew that wasn’t true, but laughed anyway. “You thought I was bad at it, you asshole?”

“I didn't think about it.” Of course he hadn’t. Just one more confirmation he didn’t see Frank that way. “But now I think this should've been your audition to get in the band.”

“Fuck you, I earned my spot with my skill!” Frank grabbed a pillow and hit him with it, Gerard made a show of using his arm to deflect the attack. “Guitar skill.”

The pause for clarification gave Gerard an opening to grab the pillow and throw it on the other bed. “I’m just saying, it would’ve been faster,” he joked and got closer to kiss Frank’s cheek. “I’m off to bed. I’ll leave you alone so you can take care of _that._ ”

 _‘That’_ was emphasized by a squeeze between Frank’s thighs that made the air escape from his lungs; Gerard was such an asshole, just groping him like that when he wouldn’t do anything about it, leaving him frustrated and speechless.

“Sweet dreams, Frankie!”

He heard the door lock behind him and Gerard’s laughter from the hallway. If he hadn’t tasted only cigarettes and Coke on his lips, he would’ve assumed he was drunk.

***

Why is it that specifically at 2am your brain decides it’s the perfect time to make you remember that embarrassing thing you did years ago and should’ve forgotten about, but just can’t? Well, Frank was going through one of those moments. Ray was happily asleep on his bed, ignorant as to what had happened in that room hours before —neither the BDSM session, or Frank’s jerking off that didn’t make it to the bathroom after Gerard left him. However, Frank was turning around trying to avoid having flashbacks from old stuff he didn’t want to think about.

Maybe it happened because Gerard mentioned the time before he got in the band, which already felt so far away. Meeting Gerard seemed like a lifetime ago. Watching him sing for the first time thinking he was such a Rockstar and then talking to him to learn he was a huge nerd too, while also having deep conversations and getting lost in his points of view. He remembered how he began looking up to him, what happened once he thought he understood how his mind worked and getting excited to see him become what he surely would.

And then, the worst part: the attraction. Acknowledging the dumb tickling sensation in his stomach every time he was near or someone did as little as mentioning him. Searching in the crowds for him while playing with his former band, pretending even for himself that it was just a stupid crush and it didn’t matter if something happened or not. That’s what it was like back then, those were the times, all casual and meaningless. They were too high to care. Or too drunk. Or both. 

He didn’t want to remember, but did it anyway. He went back to being in that club after one of their first times playing together, faint images of Gee holding his microphone so he could scream in it, no idea why, but it made him feel welcomed, like part of the group. He had a vivid memory of how nervous he felt when he leaned into him to ask: “Wanna go back to my place?”

“What?” Gerard yelled and brought a hand to his ear. The music was too loud.

“My place!” Frank repeated, getting closer to him. “Let’s get high and watch a movie!”

A seemingly innocent invitation, but it would’ve meant them being alone. Frank wanted to see where things could go if it was just the two of them. Gerard smiled, Frank could still see that image clear in his head; his stupid spiky hair, his dirty hoodie, and his face when he said: “It’s too early! I wanna hang around some more!”

“Cool!” 

Frank nodded and left him for a while, escaping to the restroom. The awful turn in his stomach was still vivid in his mind, also how he repeated to himself that Gerard didn’t mean anything by it, it wasn’t a full-on rejection and maybe he could try again later, once he got tired of yelling, drinking and dancing. It was totally understandable that he wanted to party some more, it wasn’t personal. He hadn’t refused anything, because Frank’s invitation wasn’t explicit.

He remembered staring at the mirror, patting his own face and noticing how he couldn’t feel much because of the booze. Smiling stupidly, checking out his dreadlocks, wondering if he should cut them now. Shaking his head, getting out of there.

Frank turned again on the bed, his back towards Ray now, and one of his fists closing on his pillow. He didn’t want to keep thinking about it, but his brain had the home theater ready with the movie on and wasn’t going to stop the function only because he was suffering.

When he decided to go out for a smoke, he took the hallway to the left. Why couldn’t he go any other way? There were other exits. But no, he had to go and pick the left one and seal his shitty fate. Frank had fantasized many times about doing things differently and encountering another scene, which didn’t imply what happened wouldn’t still happen, but also exactly implied that. Would it have been real if Frank hadn’t seen it? Alternative realities, parallel universes. He would take anything.

Sadly, Frank saw it. It happened. Gerard had someone cornered against the wall, as if he was fuckin’ James Bond. He had an arm above their head and was holding their waist with the other, whispering things in their ear that Frank could only imagine. _“Let’s go back to my place”_ maybe, and then they would go back to his basement and have sex there. Perhaps he was talking about Star Wars, or using his ‘hey, I’m the lead singer in a band’ card. Whatever it was, it was too intimate and it made Frank realize he was beyond having just a crush with him.

His gut reaction was to turn around and stop watching. He wanted to unsee it. He never thought just five minutes ago he had been living in a reality he would wish to go back to, one where Gerard never got laid, or something like that.

Since then, that memory became one of the mild ones. And he had really managed to not be affected by it, at least not like that time. He had been too innocent before, thinking the admiration he felt, and Gerard felt too, was inherently accompanied by a physical attraction, which Gerard clearly didn’t experience. 

But that first time hurt like a motherfucker, and still did. And even though Frank was hiding under his pillow right now, he just couldn’t avoid feeling exactly like he did in the past, or remembering how Mikey had found him crying outside of the venue, crouched on the floor like a little kid. 

“Why doesn’t he like me?” He could still hear himself say, feeling pathetic for the question, for saying it out loud, for showing how it had torn him to pieces.

Mikey hugged him and Frank cried louder, especially when he replied what he didn’t want to hear.

“I’m sorry.”

***

Around the fourth time someone asked him whether he was getting sick, Frank considered just saying yes and coughing violently because it seemed easier than telling the truth and waiting for people to believe him. Every time he was emotionally decayed people assumed he was about to get a cold, and he would be offended if he weren’t a fuckin’ energy whirlwing when on his 100%. It just wasn’t the case now, the issue being he kept thinking about stuff he shouldn’t and it had affected his sleep. But he didn’t want to explain it to anyone, not even Mikey, who had asked if he wanted to talk.

Those were the bad habits he couldn’t fall back into, not after how hard it was to convince Mikey he was okay and completely over his crush with Gerard. If he ever found out about his relapse, he would worry too much and well, Frank could understand why. Mikey had supported him a lot during that time, he was the one who heard his drunk rants about every little thing Gerard did, about how he gave him hope and then took it away, according to Frank. No idea why he had resisted the urge to murder him.

Frank wasn’t sure how he had gotten over Gerard years ago, because usually what you would do to forget about someone is distancing yourself from them and he had to do the opposite, getting closer after joining the band. The group hangs and parties were replaced by long van trips, talking until sunrise and falling asleep next to each other. Some people fell out of love after getting to know their crushes too deeply. Frank didn’t.

What he did was slamming repeatedly against the wall until he was too numb to feel it. Night after night he saw Gerard going after a different conquest with a high rate of success. It was cool, they all did it; eventually Frank joined in too. It wasn’t even about being in a band, but going from show to show where they were bound to meet interesting people who were looking for a good time.

And since Frank knew no limits, he started hurting himself more by asking Gerard for details. “Hey, how was the redhead?”, “Did the tongue piercing make any difference?”, “Nice cock last night?”; any excuse he could find to know exactly what he was doing. Surely that’s where Gerard got that idea of Frank being obsessed with sex. Frank was as interested in sex as the next person, but it was particularly Gee’s sex life the one he was obsessed with for real. He simply sat around to suffer while hearing whatever he wanted to tell him, waiting in agony for the day when he would tell him he had found _the one._

And it happened, once. Gerard dated a girl for three months. Frank couldn’t sleep at night in his bunk, listening to Gerard on the phone with her. It was horrible. And not even that relationship helped him get over him, it was what went on after they broke up: nothing. Absolutely nothing. It didn’t matter if Gerard was single, it didn’t change their dynamic.

So, what was different now? Well, Frank. It was him who was convinced things would go differently, because he was now capable of holding back and not seeking more than Gerard was willing to give. After a long time, Frank came to the conclusion that he didn’t need to be Gerard’s number one, he just wanted to be a part of his life, hopefully an important one. As long as he could have him in any way, it would be okay. And it probably wasn’t love what he felt, but some kind of twisted need, so that arrangement they had come to could be the answer to the problem.

He wasn’t going to let it go.

As soon as they were given a break, Frank tapped on Gerard’s shoulder and pointed to the empty rehearsing room. He was once again nervous, thinking about all the previous times he had wanted to take a step forward and didn’t make it, but trying to hype himself up. He was already doing better than before, getting to kiss and touch Gerard. Talking to him should be the easy part.

“Are you okay, Frankie? You’ve been quiet.”

“What am I? A talking monkey?” He complained, sick of hearing the same question. “I’m fine. Listen, we should have a real talk about… you know.” Gerard raised an eyebrow, inviting him to go on. “Boundaries, okay? Limits, safeword, kinks… I know this is the boring part, but we can’t keep improvising, it’s dangerous.”

He had practiced that speech in his head, it was carefully crafted. See, he had said ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ to not admit full responsibility. He had used key words to make it sound like it wasn’t his first time, even attempting to be upset instead of confused because they hadn’t done it right from the start. Yes, of course he was manipulating the situation, it was necessary. He was already too deep in the deception of him being this Dom guy who loved BDSM as much as Gerard, what was a little more lying?

“No, you’re right, of course,” Gerard agreed. “I was wondering how to bring it up… I’m glad you did. You’re always so serious about everything, Frankie.”

“Someone has to.”

Frank couldn’t let go of how close he got to coming off as a clown. Now, instead, he could enjoy standing on the high moral ground and shit. Finally a good call! And now he had to keep his leading role, so he was going to suggest having a conversation first and then writing down what was needed, because he had trouble picturing a contract on paper like they suggested on the Internet. Besides, there was always the risk of someone finding it, starting with their bandmates and ending with a reporter from TMZ.

Oh, yes, he could already see that headline: _“MY_ **_KINKY_ ** _ROMANCE? MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK!”_ He would rather wake up to pictures of his pussy than that.

“Okay, so I made like… a list.” Gerard suddenly announced, flipping through the pages of one of his smaller sketch pads that he liked to carry around with him, but not enough for Frank to feel safer that it would stay private. “C’mere.”

“You actually wrote it down?”

“Well, yeah? I can’t remember everything,” Gerard explained, sitting on the floor and patting the spot next to him so Frank would come closer. “We don’t need an actual contract, I know some people do, but I just wanted you to know what you can do without asking…”

“Right, yeah,” he nodded. Honestly, it would be helpful to remain calm when they were in the middle of a session and Frank needed to stay in character; on the other hand, he felt like he finally had gained access to the part of Gerard that obsessed him the most. Gee himself was offering everything he had ever wanted to know, written on paper. His kink list. How the fuck had he gotten there?

He took the pad and read it, holding back from making any faces because Gerard was staring hard at him. “You want me to read them out loud?”

“Fuck no! If you mock me, I’m out.”

“I haven’t said anything!”

“I can see you trying not to laugh.”

Actually, Frank was pressing his lips together to keep from smiling too much, because everything gave him so many ideas, starting from imagining Gerard writing all of it down to show it to him. Wasn’t that adorable?

Shit, he was really getting into dangerous territory and, well, he didn’t want to be anywhere else. No need to save him.  
  


_Yes:  
_ _-Being tied up (rope, cuffs, belts, any piece of fabric)  
_ _-Blindfolds of any kind  
_ _-Dirty talk  
_ _-Name-calling (slut, whore, whatever)  
_ _-Spanking  
_ _-Dildos  
_ _-Begging  
_ _-Edging  
  
_

Frank brought a hand to cover his mouth as if he was thinking and forced himself to frown, because he wasn’t against any of that, although he would need to google that ‘edging’ business later. Would he be able to talk without his voice cracking? If only he could stop picturing Gerard in every situation listed, and also say anything, because the silence was turning awkward.

“Rad,” he said and even though it was a single word, he saw how Gerard relaxed next to him. He had put himself in a pretty vulnerable situation, so surely he needed encouragement and knowing that it was fine to want those things. “Most of these are easy to do. Dildos may be hard to come by, don’t think we can ask the crew for them.”

He was trying to lighten the mood by joking, but Gerard rolled his eyes. “I obviously have one.”

“Of course.”

“Of course,” Gerard repeated. Frank went back to reading the list, deciding to save in a box marked ‘later’ the idea of Gerard carrying a dildo in his tour luggage. Seriously, dude, priorities.   
  


_No:  
_ _-Gags (I like to talk! And breathe!)  
_ _-NEEDLES!!! >:(  
_ _-Flogging  
_ _-Knifeplay  
_ _-Medical play  
_ _-Age regression_

  
“What is medical play?” He blurted out without thinking.

“I only read a little about it, but it’s like a roleplay involving a doctor and a patient and it can include, like, intimate examinations, you know? Or medical procedures, like anesthesia or enemas. I don’t know,” he scratched his chin absently. “Sounds overly complicated and little reward.”

“That’s why you’re against it?”

“And I don’t really like doctors, or hospitals, or you know, medical equipment in general.”

“That’s more like it,” Frank chuckled and shook his head. “Doesn’t sound like something I’d want to do either, or anything on this list, to be honest. Except gagging you, but just to shut you up.”

Gerard elbowed him. “You shut up.”

“Don’t talk like that to your Dom,” he joked and that earned him a poke on the ribs by Gerard’s finger, which made him jump on his spot. “Fuck, shit, no respect at all.”

“And you were so serious about this just five minutes ago.”

It was true. He had been nervous and wanted to pretend being in control, which translated into his low energy and defensive attitude. Finally being invited into this world and understanding what Gerard wanted from him was calming him down. And making him feel better. For real, everything sounded fun and not as intimidating as he thought.

Besides, spending time with Gerard always cheered him up. He smiled at him and read the last bit he had written.

 _Maybe:  
__-Pain (a bit)  
__-CBT  
__-Choking  
_-Piss????  
  


“Why are there so many question marks on the last one?”

Gerard peeked over his shoulder to take a look at his own writing, even though the expression on his face —squinting his eyes and pressing his lips together— said he already knew exactly what it was, but just needed a few extra seconds. “‘Cause I’m really not sure?”

“Then don’t write it down, gosh. Why…” he began asking and quickly gave up, with a facepalm. “I’m not pissing on you and you’re not pissing on me, got it? No watersports.”

“I thought this was a safe space.”

“It’s really not. I’m judging you, motherfucker,” Frank tried to keep a straight face, but ended up cracking when Gerard came closer to take his sketch pad back, forcing Frank to lift it out of his reach. “C’mon! I just said no to one thing.”

“You could’ve been nicer, asshole! I’m really opening up here,” Gerard still managed to grab his notebook and pressed it against his chest, glaring at Frank, who responded with puppy eyes, making him sigh. “Are you really okay with everything else?”

“Yeah, I am,” Frank was finally able to tell the truth. He would also say the conversation had been way simpler and nicer than he had expected, they clearly had chemistry, and all their plans could go great. And that he was so excited to start, and also thankful for Gerard trusting him like that. There were many things he wanted to convey in the smile on his face, but didn’t get to, because Gerard had something else in mind.

It was easy to notice when Gerard was about to drop a bomb. He avoided visual contact, licked and bit his lips nervously, sometimes including his fingers, or he started fidgeting with whatever was closest to him: a pen, some loose strand on his clothes, his hair. This time it was a loose page in his sketch pad.

“You know that this is… like…,” Gerard choosing carefully what words to use wasn’t a good sign either. “You don’t… I mean, I know you’re not, this is so dumb, but… I guess I have to ask…”

“Is this about STDs?” 

“Fuck, no. I mean, should it be?” Frank shook his head. “It’s… Okay, I’ll just say it, but I really don’t mean anything by it, just…,” Gerard looked into his eyes and scrunched his nose, visibly uncomfortable about what he was going to say. “You’re not like… in love with me, right?”

Frank felt as if he had just been punched in the gut. In fact, he would have preferred it. “Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Shit, sorry,” Gerard broke visual contact again and scratched his head. “I know you’re not, it’s ridiculous, but… I guess I wanted to make sure. Only because it’d be so bad to get involved like this if one of us had feelings for the other, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Frank nodded. “It’d be really shitty.”

“Exactly!”

“But it’s not the case.” He lied. Yes, it was a lie. Frank couldn’t argue he was confused or insecure, because it wasn’t true. And he felt bad, about all of it, thinking he should at least spill some truth, even if it was a little. “Well, I… used to have a crush on you, when we first met.”

Gerard looked at him and where Frank thought he would see surprise, he saw a soft expression painted with guilt. “Yeah, I know. But that was a long time ago, I’m sure.”

He knew. The motherfucker had known all along. What the fuck did that mean? How did it change what happened? Was he staying away from Frank on purpose? Did he know how much it hurt to hear him talk about other people? Frank had so many questions, as much as knots in his stomach that made him doubt he would be able to remain in front of Gerard. But he did, he pushed through it, swallowing his doubts and entering survival mode.

“Of course. Then I got to know you and my boner was gone.”

They both laughed and Gerard elbowed him again. “I think your boner was pretty okay the other day,” he said. Frank could see the relief on his face after he _confirmed_ they wouldn’t have emotional problems there. “I understand though, and I’m glad we’re past that.”

Yes, fortunately it was in the past. No one would want that as a current problem. Oof, that’d be terrible. The worst. Absolute worst.

“Guess that’s all we needed to talk about,” Frank wrapped up, standing up. “Let’s do, like, a test run session next hotel night.”

“Sounds good,” Gerard nodded from the floor, opening up his sketchbook. He was probably staying there to draw by himself. Frank opened the door and took one step before going back in.

“Safeword!” He said. “I knew we were forgetting something!”

“Oh,” Gerard looked at him again, big and sparkly eyes, because he obviously thought he had a good one. “Mordor.” He declared, proudly. 

Of course. There was nothing more Gerard to do than picking Mordor as a safeword. Frank found himself smiling despite the horrible feeling in his gut. “You’re such a dork, Way.”

Gerard shrugged and went back to his own business. Frank tried his best to ignore how fast his heart was beating and left him alone.

***

Everything seemed googleable at first glance and turns out it wasn’t so, because CBT —Cock & Ball Torture, yes, lovely— could go from pretty innocuous practices to some others Frank wished he could erase from his memory, and he had spend a few days already wondering how he could ask Gerard what he meant by putting it on the ‘maybe’ side without revealing how little he knew about it. Well, what else was new? 

On the bright side, ‘edging’ was much more interesting than he thought, although checking it out on his computer while on the bus, believing everyone had gone to bed, earned him a lecture from Ray about how he was watching too much porn and Frank couldn’t explain it was for research purposes. Truth be told, he was thankful for Ray catching him on that one instead of CBT because the conversation would have turned to the side of: “you should see a doctor.”

The point was Frank had once again done his homework and felt prepared to go though what he proposed as a ‘test run’ —seriously, Frank? Casually throwing it out there as if you were an expert? You played yourself, man—, until it was time to actually get it done and… let’s say he was having trouble breathing and the room was spinning more than he would’ve liked to. Which was none. None room spinning would’ve been the optimal. 

He felt like the guy invited to have a threesome and realizing he wouldn’t be able to perform. Actually, it was almost that. The scene in front of him could only be described as a wet dream and he had paralyzed in fear. 

Gerard was ready and willing. They had the hotel room for themselves, locked with a ‘do not disturb’ sign hanging from the doorknob and some alibi about working on who knows what, Frank didn’t pay attention. And even if he had, he would’ve forgotten by now because there was no space in his brain for anything other than the image of Gerard cuffed to the bedpost, blindfolded and completely naked. Was that real? Was it really happening?

And Frank was there, just standing. After all that damned planning and research, he still had no idea what to do. Because it was different, setting up a time and place instead of going with the flow, both too horny to think about anything. Now expectations came into play, Gerard had been waiting for that night and right now, with every second that went by, he kept imagining how it would be. Frank could see it. He could see everything, he was already turned on and Frank hadn’t even touched him once, so it had to be due to his own ideas of where that night would go.

To top it all, his dildo was laying on the bed next to him, all intimidating. Well, Frank shouldn’t focus on it, but it was easier said than done with how unexpectedly big it turned out to be and… so pink. Bright pink. Neon pink. Flamingo pink. He was sure it would not only glow in the dark if they turned off the lights, but also start spinning and shining like a disco ball. He hated it.

Anyway, directing his hate towards an inanimate object was useless. He thought.

“Frank… are you still there?”

Nope, he died.

“You’re not supposed to talk. I haven’t given you permission.”

“Sorry.” His face didn’t reflect regret at all and the movement his arms did against the cuffs seemed to be only for entertainment purposes. Where the hell did he get them? “Am I getting punished?”

Shit. Fuck. Okay. Things needed to move forward, Frank just had to throw himself into the pool and learn how to swim or fuckin’ drown. Besides, he had already done this, right? It shouldn’t be so difficult, he only needed to let go. He knew what Gerard liked: name-calling, dirty talk, spanking. That shit was easy. And they had a safeword this time, so he didn’t need to be so worried.

Taking a deep breath and being as quiet as possible, he approached the bed and sat on the edge. Gerard turned his head to him, looking anxious, and Frank reacted by placing a hand on his cheek, caressing his lower lip under his thumb. Gerard opened his mouth and licked it sending a shiver down Frank’s spine. “Can’t wait, huh? What a slut.” The satisfied sigh he let out was something Frank could feel on his skin. He still didn’t figure out the reason, but he didn’t need it to notice Gerard loved it when he pointed out stuff like that.

He pushed his thumb further into his mouth, allowing him to suck on it, and then grazed his neck with that same hand, leaving a wet trail while sliding down on his chest and torso, making the contact softer along the way until it was just the tip of his fingers reaching his crotch. Frank saw up close how that simple touch gave him goosebumps, making his dick twitch and his nipples harden. It had to be the combination of having one less sense available and surrendering himself to another person’s mercy. He hoped this time he would be more aware of him, instead of fantasizing about Bert.

No, shit, no thinking of Bert. That was a boner killer. He wanted to enjoy what was happening there.

He wrapped his fingers around Gerard’s dick and started stroking him, determined to try the edging thing. The immediate feedback came in the form of short moans that brought his attention to Gerard’s half-closed lips, noticing how his breathing was getting faster. 

It was a dream come true and he couldn’t help but think about how his younger self would’ve felt a few years back knowing that would eventually happen, that at some point he would reach a level of intimacy with Gerard where he would give him everything.

Although it wasn’t really everything, right? Honestly, he was serving as a glorified fleshlight. Fuck. He was getting sad.

“Faster… c’mon…”

His first instinct was to listen to him. Hearing his needy voice and feeling his hips thrusting into his fist made him want to please him immediately, so he had to make a conscious choice to stop. “No,” he firmly said, leaning on him to bite his lower lip, stroking his dick slower than before, causing Gerard to make a frustrated noise. “You don’t call the shots here.”

He made a pause waiting to hear the safeword, but nothing happened. Nothing besides Gerard’s tongue exploring out of his mouth to lick whatever was close, which were Frank’s lips. “Yes, sir,” he whispered.

They hadn’t talked about addressing him that way and it felt odd. All of it was a little off, to be honest, except how well Gerard was responding. Frank just needed to power though until it started feeling good for him too, so he got to jerk him off, taking his cock firmly in his hand and following the movements his body made. “Are you close?”

Gerard nodded. Frank’s free hand pinched one of his nipples. “Answer me.”

“Yes, sir, I am!”

“Hold it in,” he ordered, suddenly releasing his dick and getting his hand away when Gerard tried to follow it. “Stay still or I’ll leave you like this while I go smoke outside.”

“No, no, please,” Gerard immediately begged, not a single drop of shame in him. “Touch me again…”

Was that a test? Did he want to check if Frank was capable of staying in his role? He got his hand between Gerard’s thighs again, but only grazed along his shaft with his fingers.

“Like this?”

“Like you did before…”

“Mm, I don’t remember.”

“Frank, c’mon,” Gerard snapped, a little whiny, and Frank smiled, because he had said his name instead of ‘sir.’ It was better. “You know what I want, just… please…”

“I’m supposed to know? I can’t read your mind, Gee,” Frank went on, starting to feel like he had some control. The fleshlight had become sentient and was getting revenge. “All I know is that you’re a horny bitch.”

“Mh…” Gerard bit his lip and held back a moan. Frank’s fingers were still ghosting over his dick. “I am…”

Yeah, that was that he liked, getting insulted and talking, which was the reason behind the gag being on the no list. He couldn’t picture Gerard having sex in silence, obviously all aspects of his life had to be a performance and now he was waiting for Frank to continue with the dialogue; he could see it in the way he remained still, letting him lead.

“You’re a dirty slut,” he tried, watching Gerard nodding, the tip of his cock dripping a few drops of precum already, probably because he had stopped so close to orgasm. “You’re a…”, whore? No, he could do better. He watched porn and hentai, okay? “Cum dumpster.” Gerard licked his lips and Frank wrapped his fingers around his dick again. “You just get filled with cum…,” he went on, although he had no idea where to take it. “You’re a… cum cooler.”

Not only did it feel wrong to say, he also perceived immediately how Gerard froze in his place, no more rubbing against his hand. He saw him pressing his lips together in a different way, not from arousal like before, and on the next second he heard him laugh so loud, Frank had to laugh too. “Fuck, shit, no,” he managed to say. “Mordor!”

“What? Why?”

“Fuckin’ untie me, Frank!”

After safewording and insisting on it, there was nothing left to do but listen to him, so he took the key from the nightstand and removed the handcuffs, realizing how red his own face was just when Gerard removed the blindfold. He covered his nose and mouth with his hands, laughing again, either because it was funny or out of nervousness. Or both.

“What the fuck did you just call me?”

“I thought this was a safe space.”

“It’s not for cum cooler!”

“Shut the fuck up! I was trying something!” Frank pushed him and Gerard fell on his back on the bed, laughing as loud as he could. “Stop laughing!”

“I can’t! Shit…,” he rubbed his face. “What is that supposed to mean? Like… I’m portable and keep the cum fresh?”

“Okay, so I can call you a horny bitch but you drop the line here?”

“Fuck yeah I drop the line at cum cooler!” 

Again they both burst out laughing so much it was hard to breath, and every time it seemed like they would stop, Gerard repeated the words they would later need to ban, and Frank’s face started hurting from laughing. The mood was completely gone, but it also felt good to wipe off tears from chuckling.

“Can’t believe I had to safeword so soon…” Gerard said after a while.

“Well, it was a test run, so…,” Frank shrugged. “It’s fine.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he sat on the bed and sighed. “It was so good before that though, I wish I hadn’t stopped.”

“We can… try again, you know?” 

“Like, now?” Before Frank could say yes, Gerard tensed his lips for a few seconds and went back to laughing. “I don’t think I can, dude.”

It should still be funny, Gerard didn’t look upset even though he had every right to be, since Frank hadn’t allowed him to come. Wasn’t he going to complain about having blue balls or something? “Shit, sorry about that. Sure you don’t want me to suck off or something?”

“Hey, no, don’t apologize, it’s fine,” Gerard assured and Frank thought he was going for a hug, but was actually moving searching for his clothes. “If you think about it, I was the one who broke character, so it’s really not your fault. You were doing great.”

“You sure? You can tell me if you don’t like it,” he dared to say, since they were talking about it, but Gerard shook his head.

“I liked it. I did, for real,” he smiled. “If anything, maybe… you could be a little rougher with me. I mean, if you want to.”

With his underwear and t-shirt back on, Gerard got comfortable on the bed and searched for the remote control, turning on the TV. “Oh, I wanted to watch this!” He said, excited, as if watching the Discovery Channel would somehow make up for having the shittiest BDSM session in the universe. Frank didn’t know how he was supposed to let things go.

Well, after 10 minutes of listening to Gerard’s comments about everything happening on the screen, he kind of believed he wasn’t too affected by what happened. Or didn’t happen.

***

The next morning, Frank spent a good amount of his shower wondering if it had been a dick move on Gerard’s part to leave him alone in the room without even trying to wake him up or if he was exaggerating because he had a bad night. After a few hours of watching TV and trying to forget, Frank had fallen asleep and only realized when Gerard moved him, whispering for him to get on his own bed. It made sense, they weren’t king sized beds and Frank was still on his show clothes, sleeping uncomfortably, all good excuses to avoid thinking Gerard had kicked him out and didn’t want to sleep next to him.

Except that was the only thought in his head and once he was laying on his own bed trying to fall back asleep, it didn’t go away. _“He doesn’t like you that way”,_ it repeated again and again. _“He’s just not into you.”_ He believed having those truths around was good. He wasn’t getting his hopes up, he wasn’t seeing things that weren’t there. It helped keep himself grounded. However, it did nothing for his sleep and surely that was why he didn’t realize when Gerard got up and left the room.

He didn’t want to read more into it than it was, like Gerard was avoiding him because of last night and wanted out of their arrangement again. He had to stick to what he said, that they could try again, Frank was doing good, and the mistake wasn’t a big deal.

After getting dressed and grabbing his stuff, he took a quick look in the mirror to make sure he didn’t look as bad as he felt. Well, it lasted only until he caught up with the others and Bert greeted him with a lovely: “Wow, you look like shit!”

“Thanks, man, you too,” he smiled while flipping him off. Bert laughed and got closer to pat his shoulder.

“You okay, buddy? Rough night?” He asked and Frank obviously wasn’t going to answer with the truth, so while thinking of something to say, Bert went on in pure Bert-fashion. “A lot of action?”

“We got wasted and watched Mythbusters,” Gerard supplied, laughing. “Turns out poppy seeds show up in drug tests as opium.”

“That’s why you didn’t pick up your phone? I would’ve joined you!”

Frank remembered seeing Gerard’s phone on the bed getting messages until he flipped it. He thought they were from Mikey or his mom. Knowing he had been ignoring Bert left him with a strange sensation, because they weren’t doing anything Bert couldn’t be a part of. Did it mean something?

“Aaw, are you mad at me?” Gerard cupped Bert’s face and gave him a loud kiss on the cheek, making him laugh.

Maybe he was just making him wait. Gerard loved playing hard to get, it seemed.

“Guys, I’m going to the mall, I wanna get some souvenirs. Anyone want to tag along?” Mikey interrupted.

“You mean if anyone wants to drive you there?” Gerard asked. 

“I’ll go,” Frank quickly offered, thankful for an excuse to get away from them.

***

He turned the car’s radio volume up and began tapping his fingers to the rhythm on the steering wheel. Being alone with Mikey shouldn’t be awkward, they had been friends for years, roommates even, and now they were together in the band. They got along perfectly and very rarely argued or fought. Normally, it was fun to be around Mikey, but now they got that silence between them and Frank didn’t want to be the one to bring up the topic they obviously needed to discuss.

Which one? Well, the fact that Gerard asked him a few days ago if he had romantic feelings for him was something he wouldn’t have thought of by himself. Frank suspected someone else asked him to make sure everything was cool. It all reeked of Mikey.

The worst part was he couldn’t blame him, no matter how upsetting Gerard bringing it up had been. If there was someone in the world Frank couldn’t reproach for worrying, it was sadly Mikey. Sometimes he felt flat-out embarrassed to think about everything he had put him through.

Being together in the car reminded him of a particular day, years ago, when Frank still believed he had a chance with Gerard. Staring in the rear-view mirror, he could still see himself at that moment, his eyes sparkling and filled with hope and, well, those glue dreadlocks. It didn’t matter. It was April 9th and he had been preparing a surprise for Gerard with Mikey’s help, who was accompanying him to pick up the last piece.

“I’m gonna laugh so hard if this is a scam.”

“It’s totally legit!” said Frank. “I checked! There are only three originals left and this guy has one.”

“I believe you, but if we drove two hours for a fake Ouija board, I’m never letting it go.”

“It’s not fake!”

The conversation was cut short when Mikey’s phone went off. “It’s Gee.”

Frank’s face lit up as it always did when it was about Gerard, but now even brighter with all the excitement for his plans. “Okay, answer him, but don’t tell him you’re with me.”

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he muttered and brought the phone to his ear. “Hey. Wait, where are you?”

Despite not being able to hear Gerard’s side of the conversation, Mikey’s tone was enough to realize something was wrong. Mikey was getting mad, it seemed Gerard wanted him somewhere. “Weren’t you meeting Frank at 6?” He suddenly snapped, following with: “You can’t blow him off!”

Frank already knew where this was going, so he put a hand on Mikey’s arm and mouthed: “It’s okay.”

“I’ll call you back.” Mikey took a deep breath and stared at his phone for a moment. “He met up with some friends and they’re on their way to a bar.”

“Oh,” Frank nodded. “That’s cool. Want me to drop you off there?”

“It’s not cool, dude. What about the surprise?”

He felt so dumb, so lame to have made reservations at Laser Tag, when clearly Gerard would prefer to do something lowkey and meeting up with more people besides him. Frank couldn’t believe he had been clueless enough to make him promise they would spend that night together without knowing Mikey and Ray were involved. It was to be expected he would cancel.

“It’s nothing, we can go some other time,” he shrugged it off. “Is he waiting for you?”

What he actually wanted to ask was: Does he want me there? Did he say anything about me? 

“Yeah, but let’s pick up the present and then we’ll join him, okay?”

“Nah, it’s fine. It’s probably a fake anyway, and it’d take us like three more hours…”

Mikey shook his head. “Shit. Why couldn’t he wait until 6?” He complained. “He already sounded wasted. I’m scared we won’t be able to contact him if we don’t go now…”

“I get it. It’s no big deal. Let’s go, give me the address.”

“He really should apologize to you,” Mikey muttered. “After all you did…”

“He doesn’t know. And… please don’t tell him.”

The memory was vivid enough to make him feel like it had just happened and it left a bitter sensation on Frank, even after four years. He still regretted involving Mikey, but there was nothing he could do about it now. At that time it had seemed like an excellent idea to talk with the person who knew his crush the best and was also his friend.

“You won’t tell me I’m being too quiet?” He couldn’t hold back on asking, lowering the music’s volume. It was Mikey, he couldn’t avoid him forever.

“I’m not your mom,” he smiled.

Frank laughed despite having just depressed himself with his stupid memory. Mikey had that effect on him, he should remember it more often. If he were a little more selfish, he would tell him all that was going on and hear his advice, ask for his opinion, his interpretations on Gerard’s signals, and let him make jokes about it. But he didn’t want to involve him again.

“I’m okay,” he said. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

The fact that Mikey didn’t need to ask what he meant half-confirmed his suspicions. “I’ll always worry about you, that’s what friends do,” he replied, staring out the window. “But I’ll believe you’re fine if you say so.”

“I am,” Frank insisted and made the effort of firmly adding: “It won’t be like last time. I promise.”

“Okay.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm about 50% sorry for ruining the smut scene. And I'm also on [Twitter.](https://twitter.com/BotFrankiero)


	4. I’m not going to teach him how to dance with you

Frank always thought of himself as someone who didn’t give up. Being a stubborn motherfucker was one of his best self-proclaimed qualities, no matter how annoying everyone else thought it was. Falling down —metaphorically and literally— eight times to get up nine was something he did before breakfast. If there was such a thing as a competition for people insufferably stubborn who never knew when to quit, he would win it for sure. And if not, Frank would keep participating until he did.

He was the kind of person who let going against  _ ‘you’re not capable of doing this’ _ be his fuel. Yes, of course doing things out of love was beautiful, but have you ever tasted the feeling of rubbing your success on the faces of people who didn’t believe in you? Just fuckin’ delicious.

That’s why he couldn’t accept the c*m cooler incident affected him so much he was actively avoiding the next session, because it wasn’t him. If he could talk to someone about it, he would be the first one to say there was nothing to be ashamed of when learning about a new topic and having the courage to experiment, but his hands started sweating and his face felt hot just by remembering what happened. That really wasn’t him. For real, Frank? Feeling shame? The same guy who had mooned the entire Fall Out Boy tour bus like three days ago? Impossible.

He thought it had to do with the fuckin’ illusion he was supposed to create. All of it was make-believe. Like fuckin’ Tinkerbell, it exploded in glitter the second you stopped believing in it. Was that what happened with Tinkerbell? Whatever. The point was that if Gerard started laughing at him while they were in the middle of it, Frank wouldn’t be able to recover. He was having stage fright. Of course, playing in front of 10.000 people: no problem. But calling some guy a slut and spanking him? Stage fright.

Well, it wasn’t just some guy. It was Gee. And Gee was on fuckin’ edge.

He disappeared before the show, which was already a bad sign, because he usually did it when he needed to be alone and that meant a bad mood and a general vibe of  _ ‘leave me alone or I’ll have to murder somebody and you already know Brian’s thoughts on the matter.’ _ It was Frank’s least favorite mood, because leaving Gerard alone was something he just didn’t know how to do. If he could’ve found him, he would’ve absolutely bothered him to no end.

Luckily he reappeared just in time for the ceremonial high-fives and Frank managed to not take personally the lack of eye contact from him, even when they stood in front of each other for the greeting. He was totally fine and not dying from anxiety at all wondering if Gerard couldn’t look at him in the eye because of his mishap.

However, during the show Frank realized Gee was on edge in a different way: He was horny. Yup. No doubts.

Well, Gerard was always a bit horny during their shows, maybe because having all of the attention on him was arousing, or the sound of his own voice turned him on. Probably both. But this time he was horny for real. Now that Frank had been granted access to Gerard Way’s secret sex club, he was certified and trained to identify it. Because sure, okay, it wasn’t the first time —not by a long shot— he heard Gerard moaning on stage, but he could now appreciate the subtle difference between him doing it in a performative way and when it was intended as a mating call. Fuck, he felt like a NatGeo narrator. A slightly turned on one.

Gerard’s hands were also spending more time than usual on his crotch area and his mouth was fellating the microphone a bit deeper, although that would have to be fact-checked in slow motion repetitions later; Frank’s angle wasn’t clear enough to know for sure. And he had his own role to worry about, he was there to play guitar, besides documenting Gerard’s heat.

Oh, and fine, maybe one last detail: He had a huge fuckin’ hard-on for the last half of the show, so painfully obvious that Frank was sure it would make the cover of more than one celebrity gossip site tonight. No, not next morning, no; this was so impressive that reporters would rush to get a night special just to talk about the Anaconda in Gerard’s skinny jeans. Why the fuck did he wear such tight jeans? Why couldn’t they wear bermudas or onesies as their band’s uniform?

Okay, actually, the worst part was Frank being desperate to do something about it, because now he  _ could. _ A million ideas ran through his head of all he would do to Gerard next time he was handcuffed to bed; good thing his semi was safe from photographers behind the guitar. Unlike some other guys, he didn’t get off on people knowing how much of a pervert he was. Well, at least not as much as Gerard did.

Once the set was done, Pansy was handed over to one of the technicians and Frank proceeded to untuck his shirt so it would cover a bit of the situation he got down there. All he needed to do was accept a few handshakes and congratulations before he could sneak to the nearest restroom —or closet, dark corner, under a table, he wasn’t picky— to jerk off for the approximately two minutes he predicted would take him to come and get some blood stream back into his brain. Even though he was used to it by now, he still thought Gerard had been too extreme this time.

He heard a celestial chorus —probably his own voice humming hallelujah— when he opened a random door and took a look inside to find an empty woom, which he didn’t bother to check in detail because all he needed were more like 90 seconds of solitude and some paper napkins, if he was being greedy.

Frank thought he had the worst luck ever when someone pushed the door open.

“Hey.” 

Frank thought he had the best luck ever when that someone turned out to be Gerard.

“Hey,” he answered, as if that was something they did, like he hadn’t just been caught with a hand unbuttoning his pants. And maybe it was something they now did, escaping together after a show, and perhaps Frank didn’t need to hide how watching Gerard all desperate on stage had affected him. “This is your fault,” he said, undoing his fly to give his dick some relief after being trapped in those tight jeans for so long.

Gerard’s gaze was fixed on Frank’s hands, but as soon as he noticed he was being watched, it went to Frank’s face. “What did I do?” he feigned innocence, although it’d be impossible to believe when his words were accompanied by him touching his own neck and lowering his other hand to his crotch, where he was still visibly hard.

What Frank wanted to do wasn’t continuing the witty banter to set up a roleplay scene; no, what his body was begging him to do was getting on his knees in front of Gerard and yanking his pants down without asking first, just pull them down, whip his cock out and suck it into his mouth because he couldn’t stand one more second of not touching or pleasing him. That was what he really wished to do and it took every ounce of strength in his body to remain calm, because Gerard wanted another kind of attention. He was giving Frank back the power he had lost. He was believing in Tinkerbell with all his heart.

“You acted like a whore, like you always do,” he replied, stepping into his space to push him against the door, hiding his face on the crook of Gee’s neck; Frank hated how much he liked smelling him, and tried to cover it up by licking a stripe that ended in his ear. “Everyone saw you,” he added at the same time he put a hand between Gerard’s thighs, tracing his erection with his fingers before giving it a little squeeze. “This was pretty obvious, Gee.”

As he expected, the only answer he got came in the form of a moan and Gerard shutting his eyes, being pretty obvious in how much Frank was giving him just what he came for. Frank was still surprised by how fast he submitted to being touched by him, like he was aching for it, spreading his legs to make room for his hand to grip him harder, biting his lip like he was anticipating already being loud.

It could end as their previous encounters had. Frank could easily sneak his hand in Gerard’s pants to jerk him off until he came while whispering in his ear what a filthy slut he was, and maybe it would be enough for Gee, but Frank couldn’t help wanting to participate. Gerard still hadn’t touched him for real, he seemed to enjoy leaving him wanting and although Frank was scared of crossing a made-up line somehow still standing between them, he was horny enough to want to risk it. “You’re taking responsibility this time,” he declared, grabbing Gerard’s hand to put it on his own boner, making him touch the bulge in his jeans, pushing it although he wasn’t getting anything from him.

Actually, Gee opened his eyes right in that moment and pulled back his hand, releasing it from Frank’s grip. “I don’t think I am,” he replied. Frank frowned, confused, half expecting him to say the safeword. “That’s none of my business.”

He was giving him a defying look, but didn’t move from where he was being cornered or tried to stop what they were doing, so Frank had little time to think. Gerard was provoking him, right? Giving him reasons to be punished, maybe for Frank to be rougher with him, just as he had suggested a few days ago. And fuck, it was truly working, because he was sick already of that attitude, that only Gee’s pleasure mattered. Especially since Frank had agreed at first and thought he only wanted to be used by Gerard, but was now beginning to change his mind.

He went back to holding Gerard, grasping his wrists and lifting his arms, banging them against the door above his head. Gerard didn’t do much to resist. Fuckin’ kinky little shit, he was probably enjoying it. “You’ll  _ make _ it your fuckin’ business,” he spoke in a firmer tone. It helped how that was kind of what he really wanted to tell him, it came from a very honest place in his heart, unlike the next thing he said: “Or you want me to tell everyone how I found you the other day? You want people to know your little bondage secret?”

Gerard held his gaze; his face was getting as feverish as it had been before, when he was about to lose it. Frank felt like he had hit the correct switch. “It’s… it’s called shibari.”

“Oh, you motherfucker,” Frank shook his head and released his hands. Honestly, he wanted to laugh, but he was doing his best not to crack, as Gerard had just handed him a pass to do whatever he wanted. “You’ll regret that.”

His hands went on to grip hard on Gerard’s hips and turn him around. Again, it would have been easy for him to fight it if he wanted, but he didn’t. Gerard went easily, docile even as he rested his forehead on the door, placing his open hands on it, and going as far as spreading his legs a bit. He seemed to shiver with every move he made and left Frank wondering if that was a recurring fantasy for him, if he got off imagining someone forcing him to do stuff through blackmailing. Fuckin’ pervert. 

Frank got his arms around Gerard’s waist and just let go. He didn’t care anymore, he needed some friction and got it by rubbing his crotch on Gerard’s ass, which felt like the best thing that had happened to him in maybe all week. It was just as he had pictured it, soft but not too much and perfectly round; Frank could barely stop himself from dry humping Gee and just come in two seconds. He still had a role to play, despite how much he could feel Gerard shaking at every single touch.

“What’s with you?” Frank had to ask, almost a whisper in his ear. “You’re so needy today.”

Gerard didn’t say anything, going as far as to cover his mouth with his hand, but used the other one to touch his front, over his jeans. “Stop that,” Frank ordered, putting his own hand between Gerard’s and his cock, that was still hard as a rock, he could feel it through the denim, stretching it; it was too easy to unbutton his pants and lower the zipper. He had no idea how much time they would have until people started looking for them, but it was best to assume it wouldn’t be much, so he yanked them down with his underwear until they reached his knees and went back up to press his own crotch to Gerard’s behind. Frank’s hand touched Gee’s front and found his dick too wet for how little they had done, despite how much he could like the set up.

He wasn’t sure he had a concrete suspicion when he brought a hand to his ass and touched between his cheeks, getting the immediate feeling of a foreign object. A hard, silicone one. Gerard was wearing a butt-plug. And Frank realized he must have had it inside during the whole concert. “What the fuck is this?” he asked, tugging out the object just to push it back in, making Gerard moan again. “Do you _ want  _ people to find out, Gee?”

“No, I just… couldn’t help it.”

He sounded wrecked, incapable of faking any type of calm or keep defying him, limiting himself to incite Frank to play more with the toy. According to Frank’s calculations, that thing must have been there for at least two hours, if Gerard did it right before the show started, but could be three if it happened before the sound check. He couldn’t stop imagining him sneaking to the bathroom carrying lube or using his own spit to slide it in. And then he just went on with his life like that? Didn’t he have to sit at some point? If Frank had known about it he would’ve been fixated on seeing his expression all the time. Shit, he couldn’t believe how hot the idea was.

He placed one hand on his ass and just slapped him hard. Gerard gasped. “That was risky, Gee. And you’ve been specially bratty today.” He spanked him again, harder, and Gerard’s entire body trembled. 

Frank’s fingers pulled the plug out again and Gerard turned his face to see him. “What are you gonna do?” Frank looked into his eyes while the toy slipped out of his ass; Gerard made an effort to keep his eyes open.

“Punish you,” he replied, having already an idea. “For real, this time.”

Probably Frank kneeling on the floor wasn’t what Gerard was expecting, nor did it seem like a punishment for him to spread his ass open and press his tongue to his hole, but Frank did have a plan, and it included eating him out real good. It was part of it to lick all around and then flick his tongue inside him. As soon as Gerard let the first moan escape his lips, he stopped what he was doing and slapped his thigh. “Shut the fuck up,” he said in a low voice. “There are people outside.”

He wasn’t making it up to put pressure on Gerard, it was the truth. Voices and steps from the crew could be heard, although no one had stopped to try and open that door. They hadn’t heard their names either, but it was a good reminder that the world still existed.

“Sorry,” Gerard immediately whispered back, and Frank enjoyed too much the sudden change in his voice and attitude.

“Will you be quiet?” he asked, just to make him wait.

“Yeah… yes, please,” Gerard held back a moan when Frank went back to lick him, this time in the space just behind his balls. “Please do it again…”

Gerard covered his mouth once more, trying to contain the noises of pure pleasure when Frank went up, licking back to where he was before. He was mostly indulging in his own desires after years of staring at that ass and daydreaming about tasting it. He had never enjoyed the ache in his jaw as much as he was doing now. His fingers dug on Gerard’s thighs, holding him open as best as he could with the butt plug still on one hand, and he thought about how he would never be able to forget the feeling of being right there. He didn’t want to, of course, he wanted to keep all of the details in his mind, especially how Gee pushed his hips back looking for more. Frank’s hands went up to pull his cheeks open, getting his thumbs in to spread his hole so his tongue could reach deeper. Truth be told, Gerard was doing a terrible job trying to be silent. Maybe all of it was just too much.

And no, it wasn’t Frank taking pity on him when he moved his hand to the front to touch his cock and stroke him fast and hard. He wasn’t trying to get him off. It was quite the opposite, and Gerard frustratedly found out when he made the mistake of warning him: “I-I’m close…”

Frank immediately let go, not being subtle at all about denying him an orgasm. He wiped traces of spit on his sleeve and stood up, pressing his body against Gerard back. “Lick it,” he ordered, bringing the butt plug to his lips.

Gerard obeyed, getting his tongue out to lap at it first and then letting it into his mouth, where Frank pulled it in and out a few times as if it was a blow job. Once it was wet enough, he brought it back to Gee’s ass and pressed it in. “You’re not fuckin’ me?”

The question made Frank stop, like his brain had just shut off, because, well, it did for a few seconds. He didn’t understand how they went from Gerard leaving him with blue balls every time to fucking him being an available option, when the hell had that happened? It made him doubt his plan for a moment. He obviously wanted to do it.

“You got condoms?” he asked. “Lube?”

“No,” Gerard confessed. “But I don’t care… just use spit.”

Frank shut his eyes and pursed his lips, taking a deep breath. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing and didn’t even want to think Gerard was that kind of person because it was more than he could take right now, so he just pressed the butt plug in deeper, making him moan louder.

“C’mon… just fuck me…” 

“Such a needy slut,” he blurted out, in all honesty. It was also a completely sincere gesture when he gripped his shoulders to turn him around and pushed down him to his knees. Frank had really had it at this point. “Yeah, I’ll fuck you. Open your mouth.”

Although it clearly wasn’t what he expected, Gerard got comfortable on the ground and parted his lips while Frank got his thumbs on the waistband of his underwear and lowered it enough to release his erection, holding it in his hand. He hated how much Gerard had riled him up, and also letting his responsible side win by making the decision of not fuckin’ him in those conditions, despite how much he ached for it. Of course the alternative wasn’t that bad, having Gee on his knees in front of him, expectantly, with such an obvious boner and his mouth open wide, finally willing to reciprocate. The thought about Gerard practically begging for his cock would have to be dealt with later. Shit.

Why did it have to be like this? It wasn’t just sex. No, being fuck-buddies was easy, Frank had had many casual partners before and this was nothing like it, because they were sharing way more. He felt sharing too much when instead of putting his cock in Gerard’s mouth, he used it to slap his face, and it was just the same when Gee gave him a wanton look and offered his other cheek; it felt like a secret, like Frank shouldn’t have seen it, shouldn’t know about it. It obviously didn’t stop him from slapping him again though. Fuck, he hadn’t even known he was going to enjoy it so much.

Gerard took the first step by sticking his tongue out and licking the pre-cum that was already leaking from the tip of his dick, holding his gaze, as if he wanted to make sure Frank was watching him while he opened his mouth and took him in. As soon as he got his lips stretched around it, he shut his eyes and held on to Frank’s hips, pushing in. It was to be expected that Gerard would be good at sucking cock, but Frank was still surprised by getting deep-throated so soon, and by Gerard’s moans around his dick too. So he wasn’t just good, he actually liked it. Frank could relate, he had the same passion for sticking things into his mouth, but he was angry for getting more reasons to fall in love with him. Maybe if he could write down  _ ‘sucks (badly) at blow jobs’ _ on the list things would be easier.

He placed an open hand in front of him, on the door, and brought the other one to dig his fingers in Gerard’s black hair, pushing in a bit while his hips gave an experimental thrust into his mouth. Frank thought Gee would enjoy not breathing for a second, and quickly confirm it by hearing him moan again. “Fuck… horny bitch,” he muttered, reminding himself of how they were supposed to keep quiet. 

Gerard let him continue, not only bobbing his head up and down, but also pressing his tongue to make him feel it more. Frank bit his lips and shut his eyes; he wanted to scream from how good it was, tell Gerard his throat was the best thing that had ever happened to him and that now he loved him even more. Luckily he didn’t do it.

When Gerard took him deeper and increased the speed, Frank realized he was too close. “Shit… Pull out,” was all he managed to say, but Gerard only moved back enough to dig his tongue into the slit, still keeping him inside, so when Frank finally came, it filled his mouth. He looked down, still agitated. Gerard parted his lips and showed Frank the cum on his tongue. “Swallow it.”

Gerard did. Frank watched in awe how his Adam's apple moved in his throat.

He stepped back and pulled up his pants. Gerard was still on his knees, waiting for instructions. “Get up,” he said and was immediately obeyed.

Frank could feel him trembling when he caressed his naked thighs. It filled him with such satisfaction, making it even better when he pulled Gerard’s pants back up along with his briefs. “What?” Gerard asked, confused. Frank went on to do his fly, despite him being so hard it made the task really difficult. “Frankie, c’mon… you can’t...”

“Punishment,” Frank reminded him. “We’ll continue at the hotel.”

“No, no, please…” his hands gripped Frank’s shirt. Frank gave him a smirk as he grabbed them and pulled them away. Fuck, that felt almost as good as getting deep-throated. “Please, I can’t go out like this.”

“Well, then you shouldn’t be wearing a fuckin’ butt-plug in public,” he sentenced. “Now behave, if you want to keep going later.”

It was risky. Gerard could easily tell him to fuck off and go looking for somebody else, anyone would want to sleep with him, but Frank was hoping the fact that the BDSM was kind of working would tilt the balance in his favor.

“Fine,” he accepted, pretty pouty. 

“Good boy.” To accompany his words, he indulged in patting Gerard’s crotch, who just frowned and turned around to open the door.

***

The trip back to the hotel turned quiet after a while. Gerard was sitting far from everybody else, listening to music with headphones on and staring out the window. Ray had been playing video games and chatting with them until he reached a difficult stage and stopped paying attention. Frank usually fell asleep if he got on a moving vehicle after a show, but right now was so filled with energy that he couldn’t see it happening.

Man, would anyone believe him if he tried to tell them what Gerard did? Not that he would, no way, even though he was dying to. Frank valued Gerard’s trust too much, he wouldn’t betray him. And also, being the only one who knew Gerard still had a plug up his ass made him feel infinitely superior. That shit was insane.

However, he needed to talk about something else. That something being asking Mikey for a favor and what better time than the present.

“Hey, so…” he began saying, lowering his voice. “Could you switch rooms with me?”

Of course Mikey squinted his eyes and gave him that look that made Frank feel he could somehow read his mind. Time for a tinfoil hat. “I could, but why?”

“‘Cause…” Huh, maybe he should’ve thought of an excuse before starting this conversation. “We, uh… need to go over some shit?”

Fuck, was he trying to get caught lying? That was certainly the worst excuse, and performance, of his life. Maybe subconsciously he felt bad about lying to his friend’s face. Or perhaps he was just that dumb.

“What are you doing, Frankie?” he finally asked, visibly tired.

Frank stared at the front seats and then back to his friend. The words almost wanted to leave his mouth,  _ ‘we’re messin’ around, no big deal’, _ but that was Gerard’s place to tell. And, mostly, he didn’t want to have Mikey warning him again he was going to get hurt, because it wasn’t like that.

“I can’t tell you,” he said, in all honesty. “But I swear I’ve got it under control, okay? Don’t worry.” 

“It must be something extremely and royally bad if you can’t tell me.”

Shit, yes. Mikey had an excellent point. Or maybe not? His brain started working really fast looking for an excuse, and he found it: telling Mikey would imply revealing Gerard’s intimate information, thus it wasn’t about avoiding Mikey’s judgement about his decisions, but rather about protecting a secret. Yup, that checked out. That was the true reason.

“It’s not,” he replied, half believing his own bullshit and half aware of lying. “Trade with me? Pretty please?”

“Okay, whatever. I feel I should warn you, though, Gee’s been really cranky these past few days.”

It was normal for Frank not to be the only one to notice; in fact, Ray must have seen it too, and the rest of the crew as well. Gerard wasn’t subtle about his mood swings, although there were those where he still made an effort to cooperate with everyone else despite not feeling like it, and there were others where he simply couldn’t get out of his own head. Those days had been a mix of both, and Frank had been keeping his distance because of… well,  _ the _ incident.

Anyway, Gerard couldn’t be going through a serious crisis if he still had the room in his head to scheme provoking Frank into a scene, and now they had some other plans to carry out, so maybe he wasn’t cranky, but horny. And Frank couldn’t tell Mikey about that.

“I can handle it.”

“Sure you can,” said Mikey without any sort of expression on his face. Although it didn’t sound like he believed him, Frank didn’t read it as sarcasm. Actually, he knew him enough to be able to complete that sentence and it said  _ ‘I’ll be there when you need my shoulder to cry on.’ _

And he hoped he wouldn’t need it. He truly believed everything would be fine.

***

“Shibari?”

“Shi-ba-ri.”

“Shibari.”

“Shi-BA-ri.”

“Shibari. I feel like I’m saying it,” Frank complained, pulling some rope across Gerard’s chest.

“You’re not. It’s shibaaari,” on his side, Gee exaggerated the pronunciation and turned around when Frank reached his back. “You’re getting good at it. Now you gotta pull the rope underneath…”

Frank nodded and did as told, going down on Gerard’s arms to tie them up on his back, bent at the elbow, bringing the rope to the main knot resting on his spine. At least this time he was honest in not knowing much about shibari (or shi _ ba _ ri?) and Gerard was more than happy to show him  _ the ropes.  _ Yes, of course Frank made that joke like five times. Gee laughed at it too, perhaps because he was too anxious for them to keep going since he didn’t get any sweet releases at the venue. Frank had barely mentioned how he wanted to tie him up and Gerard began to undress until he was only wearing his black briefs, which did absolutely nothing to cover his erection, the fabric all stretched because of it and also a bit wet. It was difficult for Frank to focus with it in sight.

“Okay, how is it?” Frank asked, trying to be… professional? Gerard tried moving his arms, testing the ropes that kept them constricted to his torso. “Too tight?”

“Nope, feels fine,” he assured, smiling.

“Good,” Frank nodded. And he had a pretty clear idea of where he wanted to take it, but was having trouble saying it, so he placed a finger on his own lips, tapping lightly as if he was thinking, assessing the situation. He suddenly hated how bright the room was. “I think your legs should be tied up too.”

“Oh. Yeah. That’s fine.” It looked like Gerard had blushed, but it could easily be because he was getting heated up instead of embarrassed. “Tell me how and I’ll guide you through it.”

“Like last time,” Frank sounded too eager to have just come up with it. “You know, around the knee?”

Gerard nodded and bent his knee, pushing the ankle to his thigh, trying to find a comfortable pose sitting on the bed. “So, grab the other rope…”

“Wait,” Frank muttered. Fuck. That shouldn’t be so embarrassing, for fuck’s sake, like two hours ago he was slapping Gerard’s face with his dick. This was nothing compared to it. “I should take these off now…” he pointed out, placing his hands on the waistband of Gerard’s briefs.

“Right, yeah,” he nodded once more. “Good catch.”

He could feel Gerard’s gaze on him and had no idea where to point his, because it would be too obvious if he stared at the ceiling while removing his underwear, and he wouldn’t be able to disguise his hunger if he looked at the skin he was uncovering. Although, what was the point of hiding his desire at this point? If someone had to be ashamed in this room, it should be the one being undressed and tied up, right?

He decided to just go for it, taking the briefs off in one quick motion, making sure to stretch the waistband first so it wouldn’t get caught up in Gerard’s raging boner, which was inevitably close to his face as he did it; how Frank managed not to lick it could only be described as a miracle. He kept pulling them down until Gerard had to lift his feet, and once Frank had the garment on his hands, he threw it across the room, because he had already noticed how quickly Gerard dressed up once things were done.

“Thank you, Frank, that was so nice of you.” His tone, just as his face, made it obvious he knew what Frank was doing.

“What makes you think I’m going to be nice to you? Read the room, dude.”

Frank grabbed two more ropes from Gerard’s bag and placed them on the bed, still amazed at the notion of him just carrying that kind of stuff around. It was also quite a surprising sight how hard he still was, despite their banter and slow start, but then Frank remembered the butt plug and it made sense, just as much as Gerard folding his legs for him to wrap in rope. Surely he was desperate to continue and only pretending to be calm. “Okay, it’s the same single column as before, but spiral the bight down my ankle to begin…” he resumed instructions without waiting to be asked.

For now, Frank had no problem doing as told; he just wanted to do it right. Gerard knew more than he had expected about shibari and obviously liked a lot, so Frank needed to learn about it to become a better option for him than doing it alone. He had no idea if Gerard had tried to do it by himself again after the accident, but it had to be more fun having a partner there. And safe. Sure, he cared about Gerard’s safety. It was the only thing on his mind while he passed the rope around his thighs and watched how they dipped, worried about it not being too tight. Safety first, obviously, nothing else occupied his thoughts when it was time to repeat the process on his other leg.

“You showered,” he suddenly said, surprising himself because he didn’t think about saying it out loud. And it was undeniable, Frank knew exactly how Gerard smelled after his usual seven days repelling any type of soap and that wasn’t the particular scent he got from him, even after doing the whole show.

Okay, he wasn’t actually thinking about safety. He was picturing Gerard taking a conscious shower for his butt-plug scheme and for Frank.

“Well, I had to,” he replied, confirming the idea, although he seemed to second-guess it. “Or, uh… would you prefer if I didn’t…? It’s cool if you’re into--”

“Fuck no!” Frank interrupted him. “No, no, I’m not--I wasn’t… No. Thank you for showering.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiled proudly, just as Frank finished tying the second leg up and pulled on the ropes to make sure they weren’t cutting blood flow anywhere.

“You good?”

“Yeah. It’s perfect.”

“Sure you’re comfortable?”

“Yup,” Gerard nodded a few times, biting his bottom lip and giving Frank that heated look that made his knees weak.

“Rad,” said Frank. He moved on to undo the red tie he was still wearing and then used it to blindfold Gerard. “I’m taking a shower.”

“Now?”

“Right now. I’ve been thinking all fuckin’ day about a nice, hot,  _ long _ shower.” Frank watched how emphasizing the right word had the exact effect he was looking for on Gerard’s face, wiping the smile off of it, making his mouth tense up instead. Yes, perhaps he was enjoying too much the teasing portion, and just overall being an annoying piece of shit. It was his talent. What was BDSM if not making sexual pranks? And he was so fuckin’ good at pranking already.

“Frank, I already waited so long, c’mon…”

“What’s a little more, right?” He smiled even though Gerard couldn’t see him and slapped softly one of his thighs. Along with being the ultimate sex prankster, he was becoming an expert on feigning a calm that just didn’t exist. If it were up to him, Frank would get on his knees so fast to eat Gerard’s ass again… Sadly, he needed to be careful and give him what he wanted to avoid him getting bored, and that meant making him wait. And suffer. 

He got up and looked again in Gerard’s bag, this time grabbing the dildo they couldn’t use before. Upon closer inspection, it was also a vibrator. Even better. And of course he had condoms and a big bottle of lube too, how convenient. No, Frank’s hands weren’t trembling as he put a knee on the bed to remove the toy from Gerard’s ass. 

“Aaah, fuck,” he got an immediate reaction, surprised at first, slowly turning into a thankful moan. “Frankie…”

“I’m just leaving you some entertainment in the meantime,” he explained while carefully coating the dildo in a layer of lube. It quickly went in to replace the butt-plug, Gerard being unable to do anything about since the ropes constricting his legs left him exposed and at the mercy of whatever Frank wanted to do, and now that was watching how the pink toy entered his body. Gerard’s breathing got agitated.

He pushed the button on the base for it to vibrate in the lowest possible speed. If there was a softer vibration than 1, he would’ve chosen it. Frank didn’t want to risk Gerard cumming before it was time.

With extremely calm hands and not at all trembling from anticipation, he ripped a condom packet open from the long strip and took it out, placing it on top of Gerard’s erection, slowly rolling it over his length.

“What…?”

“Don’t want you making a mess.” Frank offered as an explanation. “Have fun waiting.”

“I… I hate you,” Gerard’s voice was already breathy and affected.

“Good.” 

“P-Please hurry…”

“Better.”

Standing on the bathroom door, Frank stopped for a moment and looked over his shoulder at the amazing sight of Gerard tied up on the bed, blindfolded and with a dildo up his ass. Life was good. He stepped inside and turned on the shower, its noise covering Gerard’s breathing and the low hum of the vibrator; the door was left open in case he needed to use his safeword. Frank felt like a fuckin’ professional. 

He sighed in relief once the hot water ran down his skin, allowing a few seconds of peace, closing his eyes to rub his face and clean some traces of makeup, and then moving on to shampoo his hair. His goal was to get distracted and collected enough to return and dominate Gerard, but his fuckin’ traitor of a brain kept going back to what happened at the venue. And well, it had been big fuckin’ deal, okay? Not only had Gerard finally touched him, but he had also dropped to his fuckin’ knees and Frank came down his motherfuckin’ throat. The image was burned onto his eyelids. And what about when he opened his mouth to show him his cum on his tongue? Fuckin’ hot. And Frank had somehow managed to get a taste of his ass… It felt like a fever dream.

He didn’t question it when he let his hand wander down his body and began stroking his cock. Frank could do whatever the hell he wanted, he wasn’t the one tied up. And it was probably for the best to come once before going back to play with Gerard. 

“Frank, what the fuck!?” Gerard’s shouting made him stop and in the sudden silence, he realized he had been moaning pretty loudly, giving away what he was doing in there. “Are you… are you jerking off?”

“Yeah, shut up!” Frank replied, moving his hand again. Hearing Gerard complaining wasn’t  _ not _ helping him.

“You fuckin’ asshole! Just get here already!”

“Aren’t subs supposed to be, you know, submissive?” He shouted back, after letting out a chuckle. But it was true, Gerard was being pretty demanding. And actually feeling wanted for once also wasn’t something that  _ didn’t  _ help his jerking off session. It was really working, so he started moaning on purpose. “Mh… fuck yeah… I’m so close…”

“Frankie, please!” Gerard’s tone changed 180°, no idea if he was trying to be more submissive or was truly turning desperate. “I’ll… I’ll blow you!”

“You already did that!” Surely Frank was willing to cut off his own arm to get another blow job from Gerard, but the trick here was to bluff.

“I’ll rim you!” Frank stopped breathing just to let the idea exist of having his tongue up his ass. The pause seemed to encourage Gerard’s offering. “Come sit on my face, I’ll eat you out! Frankie, I’m  _ really _ good at it, you know I can tie knots with my tongue!” Frank used his free hand to cover his mouth, because he hadn’t stopped stroking himself while Gerard painted the perfect picture of what could happen and that really sent him over the edge, he was now spilling his load in the fuckin’ shower wall while Gee still tried to convince him to go back. “Please!” He kept going. “Please, please, come fuck me! It’ll be better than your hand!”

Frank contemplated his right hand already covered in cum and bit his lip. Well…“I’ll be there in a few minutes, just wait!” he said, trying not to sound as agitated as he was.

“Frank…” he heard Gerard whining anyway, sounding like he could cry from frustration, which made him feel a bit bad. And also good. Well, he had just come, his brain wasn’t properly functioning yet. However, he wasn’t worried at all about getting a third erection on the same day. Pshh, he had  _ trained _ for this shit. He was a champion at this point; one night, he jerked off four times because he had heard Gerard jerking off in the bunk next to his. That had been quite a feat.

After washing off the shampoo and traces of soap, he turned off the shower and caught a few little whimpers from the room. His cock twitched. Yeah, he would be alright.

He grabbed a towel and went back still drying himself off. Gerard turned his head to where the noise came from and licked his lips, slowly, obviously trying to tempt Frank, who really didn’t need more motivation to do stuff to him. All kinds of stuff. Well, not without making him suffer a bit more, because, why not?

“What do you want me to do then? You said a lot of things.”

“I…” Frank could almost see how Gerard mentally went through his options. “You could… suck me off?”

“Oh, getting greedy,” Frank smiled as he sat on the bed, patting it looking for the lube. “I don’t know if I feel like it though. I’m tired of doing things for you. You’re pretty bad at giving back, you know?”

He surprised himself by telling Gerard the truth, even if it was through a scene and disguised as a joke. He never thought he would, and a part of him felt like he would panic and take it back, but he didn’t. It was good for him to know, and Frank should stop acting like Gerard was the one doing him a favor. Both of them were supposed to have fun.

“I’m sorry…” Gerard’s words also surprised him. “I wanted you to just… take it, like what you did earlier… fuck, Frank, that was so hot. You should’ve seen yourself… I love it when you get mad.” Frank couldn’t tell right away how that made him feel, but chose to answer by sneaking a hand between Gerard’s thighs to up the vibration setting because he didn’t want him to be able to talk so calmly. “Ah, shit! Fuck…” 

“You like that?” he asked, pushing the toy in deeper to graze his prostate. 

“Yes, yes, that’s perfect! Right there!”

“Here?” Frank touched his sweet spot again and saw his thighs trembling, actually trying to trap his wrist so he wouldn’t take his hand away.

“YES!”

“Good to know.” Frank used his other hand to push one of Gerard’s knees and spread his legs, getting the dildo out; he wouldn’t give him any release soon. Gerard complained immediately, making more frustrated noises until Frank raised his voice to say as firmly as possible: “It’s time to beg for my cock, slut.”

For the next second, Frank wondered if he had taken it too far, if it would be a failure like last time and Gee was about to laugh right now and call the whole scene off.

“Please,” he said instead, his voice shaky and breathy. “Please, Frank, I… I can’t take it anymore, please just make me come…” As he heard the words, Frank took some lube on his fingers, but didn’t apply it on Gerard and just remained quiet, letting him try to convince him some more. “Let me have your cock… please, I’ll do anything…” The next Gerard could feel was a weight on his abdomen and Frank’s knees on his sides. “Frank…”

Frank’s lubed fingers went back to his own ass trying to prep himself although he had no patience for it. He didn’t mind if it hurt a little, just wanted to make sure it would be able to go in. Maybe Gerard had already figured it out, but Frank was still trying to hold back on his noises, the ones from his mouth and the ones his wet fingers were causing while stretching his hole.

“Mh… Frank?” Gerard called again. The confusion in his voice was almost as arousing as the rest of it. That was Frank’s goal, and well, he also just wanted to be filled up by him, at least once. 

He lowered his body a bit, straddling him, and grabbed Gerard’s cock trying not to graze it too much until it touched his ass, carefully lowering himself on it, placing his other hand on Gerard’s chest to support his weight and find balance. “Oh my fuckin’ god…” Gerard threw his head back, his mouth wide open in surprise. Frank saw him trying to move his arms, forgetting he was tied up. “Fuck… is that… Frank, are you…? Fuck!”

Gerard’s next moan was the longest and loudest Frank had heard from him, just as he bottomed out, covering every single each of his dick, his thighs touching Gerard’s skin, also getting a feeling of the ropes constricting him. The sensation was amazing, not only because Gerard had been blessed in that area, but because Frank had been dreaming about it for —let’s be honest— years. And he finally got it, no matter how. Gerard was fuckin’ him. Well, if it could be considered like that since Frank was the one riding him and Gee couldn’t do much to set the rhythm. He was literally squirming under him from the pleasure and going along with what he wanted.

Frank didn’t give any of them much time to get used to it. He was eager, could feel Gerard’s cock hot and throbbing inside of him, and just wanted to feel him deeper, anticipating how it would it would hit his prostate and get Gerard even more desperate, so despite the burning sensation —and perhaps enjoying it a bit too much— Frank began moving on top of him, rolling his hips while biting on his bottom lip attempting to contain his moaning. He didn’t want Gerard to know how much he liked it. Not right now.

“Oh God,” Gerard continued. Frank never pegged him for a religious person, to be honest. “Oh my God, Frank, stop… Stop, no…”

In response, Frank just increased the speed and ran his hands across Gerard’s chest until he reached his nipples, pinching them a little. “Oh my fuckin’ god!” Gerard shouted. Frank thought he was doing a good job, because he hadn’t said ‘Mordor’ yet. Gerard was just being dramatic, obviously lost in one of his perverted fantasies. It didn’t matter.

A few seconds after, he realized Gerard wasn’t hard anymore. “Did you just…” Frank went still. It had been unexpected, part of him couldn’t believe what he thought had happened, but as he got up and saw the filled condom, there was no room for doubts.

“Dude, you finished already?”

“I fuckin’ told you to stop!” Although his answer sounded aggressive, Frank saw his face and ears flushed, obviously from embarrassment, and that was a rare look for Gerard. His voice sounded a little broken as he tried to explain. “It was… too much…”

Understandable, of course, Frank couldn’t mock him or complain after fearing he was going to be the one to blow his load ahead of time. He kind of wanted to hug him and tell him it was alright, but… he also kind of wanted more of it.

“Can’t say I’m not disappointed,” he ventured, taking off the used condom, startling Gerard enough to twitch. “I was going to tell you to ask for permission to cum and everything, you know? So you had to earn it.”

“Sorry…” Gerard spoke in a quiet voice, sounding truly regretful. It was a bit weird comparing it with the attitude he had been displaying until recently. Frank was in awe.

“You just came by yourself again, even though you begged me to come back…” he made a tsk-tsk noise. “What a shitty sub I got.”

He had no idea where that came from. Frank couldn’t say he was a person who particularly enjoyed insulting others, much less humiliating them, and that wasn’t his intention here, but the power he felt right now… It would be impossible to tell if it was turning him on because he was already horny again or if he was horny because he liked so much to feel power over Gerard, for once.

“I really didn’t mean to…” Gerard went on, all of his body language turning submissive like Frank hadn’t seen him before. “Untie me and I’ll do something for you, if you still want.”

Frank wanted all, absolutely all there was. He would settle for using one of his thighs to dry hump it, or even go fetch his briefs across the room and jerk off in them, he really had no dignity or standards left, but Gerard didn’t know that. Gerard wasn’t seeing his face all desperate because he didn’t know what to do with him.

Go big or go home?

“Why don’t you lend me your ass?” he suggested, his fingers going back in Gerard’s hole, that was still wet from the lube and so open, really inviting him in; but of course he wanted confirmation first. Some people didn’t like being fucked after ejaculating.

Gerard nodded. “Yeah, I… I still want you to.”

Frank pressed his lips together. It hadn’t been _ ‘yeah, whatever’, _ or  _ ‘I don’t mind’;  _ Gerard used the word  _ want,  _ and it made Frank go over the whole day, from Gee setting everything up to asking to be fucked until just a few minutes ago. He  _ wanted _ Frank to fuck him. He could have, without exaggeration, any dick in the world but he wanted Frank’s. 

Why? Was it about BDSM again?

It honestly didn’t matter. Frank grabbed another condom and rolled it down his cock. He just couldn’t care right now about the reason. “Frank?” Gerard called, unsure. Shit, had he changed his mind? 

Well, it was too good to be true.

“Yeah?” 

“Can you take off the tie? Please…”

The tie, that piece of fabric protecting him from Gerard’s gaze, that was actually there to help him maintain the illusion, like a safety blanket. His first instinct was to refuse, because it wasn’t him the one who wanted to feel vulnerable, and part of the game was denying Gerard what he wanted, but it felt like cheating. Gerard had said please and his tone suggested he needed it, didn’t sound like it was a whim to spice things up. 

He brought his hands up to Gerard’s face, caressing his cheeks for a moment and realized something stupid he immediately wished he hadn’t. They hadn’t kissed, not once all day, and Frank was now dying to, almost as much as he wanted to fuck him. And the thing about him being tied up was that it made really easy for Frank to take whatever he wanted, so he did it before any rational thoughts could stop him. He leaned forward and placed his lips on Gerard’s, who seemed startled by the sudden touch, but quickly jumped in with the program and kissed him back. Frank thought it was a good compromise to undo the knot in his tie and pull it away from his face.

It backfired immediately. As soon as he pulled apart from him, Gerard stared into his eyes, and Frank didn’t like what he saw. It felt like Gerard was looking through him, through the ‘fake it until you make it’ and through his own delusion of not getting hurt this time, like he _ knew.  _ And Gerard didn’t know shit, so he shouldn’t be acting as if he did. 

“So?” Gerard got him out of his own head. Maybe Frank was imagining all, reading the room wrong. There was a tiny smirk on Gerard’s face. Perhaps all Frank had seen in his eyes was pure lust. “I’m ready.”

Whatever it was, Frank didn’t want to see it. Being judged by those eyes made him feel like he wasn’t in control anymore, so he made Gerard turn around on the bed, kneeling because of the ropes keeping his ankles to his thighs. His face went directly against the mattress, since his arms were still constricted behind his back, making it impossible to hold his head up. It should be uncomfortable, but Gerard didn’t complain.

Frank was presented again with the sight of his ass spread open, his asshole on full display, looking a bit red from all the friction it had already gotten, shiny from the lube. Frank added some more on his cock just in case and didn’t wait to push in, not wanting to risk Gerard getting challenging again. It should be too much, right? It felt like they had been fuckin’ each other all day, Frank was pursuing a third orgasm at this point, and Gerard probably wouldn’t be able to get it up again so soon, but there was some calm satisfaction to be doing it these conditions. The urgency was gone. No one was going to interrupt them and Frank didn’t feel like he was going to explode as soon as Gerard so much as breathed near his dick. He was still horny, sure, and this was one of his long-time dreams, but he wanted to savor it. He took his time bottoming out, made sure to do it slowly despite how Gerard was pushing back.

“You okay?” it was impossible not to ask. Gerard nodded quickly. “You sure?” Gerard nodded again. “Use words.”

“It doesn’t hurt,” he said through his teeth. Frank was getting concerned. And he shouldn’t be, he was supposed to play the dominant role, but he cared too much and it made him feel kind of useless. He wished he didn’t care.

“We can stop…”

“No! It just… feels weird,” Gerard confessed. “But… good weird. It’s… new.”

_‘Good weird’_ and new, yeah, it made sense Gerard was into that. Frank gripped his hips and decided to just go for it, giving his own body what it wanted, focusing only on how it felt to have his cock surrounded by that delicious heat, watching it go in and out of Gee’s perfect ass. So perhaps he hadn’t pictured it exactly like this, his imagination included them kissing and exchanging sweet pet names, and maybe less of having Gerard tied up, but whatever. It was still fulfilling his needs.

And when Gerard decided to agree with him very vocally, it really turned into one of his fantasies. He was shouting his name, moaning, panting, shutting his eyes as if he had let go of any inhibitions and was just feeling everything. Frank thought at first that he was just putting up a show for him, but his voice sounded so raw and real he truly bought it, and it made him increase the rhythm of his thrusts, feeling so close to the edge already.

It hit him all of a sudden, and it hit him hard. He was digging his fingers on Gerard’s hips, his dick twitching deep inside of him, and he could hear himself moaning pretty loudly, maybe even calling Gee’s name back. He hoped he didn’t, but he probably did. It was too late to be embarrassed though.

He pulled out, took the condom out and let his gaze travel through Gerard’s back. He could see him breathing agitated, and his skin was flushed and sweaty. Frank didn’t wait for him to ask to untie him, it had been enough already, no matter what Gerard could say. Thankfully he didn’t complain.

“Thanks,” he said, helping to release his legs once his arms were free. 

“Were you faking it?” Frank asked. He had to.

“No, not at all. I never fake it,” Gerard frowned, although he seemed more confused than upset. “It just felt good, okay? Stop questioning me like that.”

No idea why, but that made Frank laugh. Maybe he had just been left dumb after cumming so much in one day, surely if he searched around the internet he would find some study about a psychiatrist finding out people who had too much sex got stupid. Stupidly happy!

He couldn’t pretend to have energy left for anything other than laying on his back on the bed, not even ashamed enough to put on a robe or look for his towel. Gerard was the one who rushed to get dressed, Frank didn’t care.

“I…” Gerard spoke, laying next to him. “I feel so good right now, like… there are absolutely no thoughts in my head, you know?”

Both of them were staring at the ceiling, still trying to normalize their breathings and cool off a bit, sweat drying on their skins. Frank smiled again, like an idiot. “Yeah, I know.”

“No, but really, it’s like… yeah, I still have problems, but… they seem so small. So tiny compared to this, compared to… you know. Feeling so much. There’s no room for worries, like… I know they exist, alright? But… I just don’t care right now.”

Frank’s smile got wider, proud to be hearing him saying those words, because he had helped Gerard feel better, right? He had been cranky, anxious, had his mood swings and other issues he was trying to get distracted from using shibari, until Frank came along to fix all of it, of course. And he had succeeded. Gerard had just confirmed it, how he was doing better.

He turned his face to look at Gee. It was true, he seemed relaxed. And Frank did too, it was amazing to be able to forget about the world for a while. Frank wanted Gerard to forget about everything while they were together.

Frank took his hand and brought it to his lips. “We can do it whenever you want,” he repeated, once more. “I mean, we have to plan it a bit, but... Whenever you need it, I’ll be there.”

Gerard looked back at him, intensely, as if some background process was happening at the back of his brain, and Frank refrained from reading too much into it. He had to focus on his words, how both of them were obtaining what they needed and had found a way to be together that just worked.

“Thanks, Frankie,” he smiled. “I really appreciate it.”

It was a sign. They were staring into each others’ eyes, nobody trying to escape it, and Gerard was being so honest. Frank decided it was time to stop being afraid, they were already too far from friendship-only territory to worry about taking it further. Gerard must have known too.

He leaned on his elbow and closed the distance between them, those few centimeters that kept him away from reaching his lips, giving him the softest kiss they had shared until this moment. This wasn’t the preamble for something rougher, it was Frank telling Gerard how much he cared about him.

Once they parted, Frank slowly opened his eyes and stared again into Gerard’s. 

Well, shit. That wasn’t just a thought in the background, that was fucking panic.

“Gee,” he called in a low voice, wishing he could go back in time just one minute to take everything back. “Don’t freak out, okay?”

“I’m not freaking out.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it, it was just a kiss.”

“Yeah, I know.” Gerard nodded and went back to staring at the ceiling, breathing slowly. Frank did the same, doing as best as he could to not be the one freaking out. Things were fine. Things were totally fine.

***

It must have been the least punk attitude he could have and he seriously wasn’t proud of it, but Frank hated sharing the stage. He got horribly territorial, didn’t like having people in his territory and yes, the truth is Frank used to occupy way more space than he should and it was pretty hypocritical of him to get defensive about his personal square meter when he was all over his teammates’ all the time, so what? At least he was decent enough to pretend he was cool with it. Besides, he should acknowledge he wasn’t the one having the worst time in that My Chem + The Used show; he wasn’t the one playing a tambourine.

Still, the stage was feeling a bit crowded and Brian’s gaze was drilling on the back of his head from wherever he could be mentally reminding him he had to behave and not cause any injuries on people not covered by their insurance. Well, what Brain actually said was  _ “don’t injure anyone” _ and Frank completed the rest because it seemed like an exaggeration. And he hadn't injured anybody in a pretty long time, like a full week. He was a renovated and mature man now, who was only thinking a little about spinning his guitar around from its cable and claiming it was an accident if it beheaded Bert.

What? No, of course his rivalry with Bert was in the past. He really didn’t care how close he was getting to Gerard with the excuse of sharing the mic, or how they had gone on to rub each other’s bellies like they were a couple of puppies that had evolved past the need for humans. In fact, Frank wasn’t even looking at them, he was focusing on his guitar, okay? Pansy had all of his attention. Seriously, he hadn’t noticed how they had kissed and didn’t think at all about how unprofessional it seemed, because that would be truly hypocritical of him.

To be honest, Frank was sure enough of his breakthrough with Gerard on their last time together to be worrying about whatever happened with Bert. Sure, yes, Gee had been a bit elusive the next morning and it was true they hadn’t had a chance to talk alone since then, but none of that was giving him anxiety. No, of course not, things were fine. More than fine. Perfect even. Yes, that was exactly the kind of relationship he wanted to have with Gerard, he didn’t need a confirmation of them going out or being boyfriends, he wasn’t a teenager. It was enough to know Gerard belonged to him behind the hotel room door. Or the empty closet’s door. Or the curtain on the bunk beds in the bus, if it really came to it.

Taking that into account, it was clear as day that walking to the center of the stage to stand between Gerard and Bert for the big guitar solo was nothing more than an artistic choice, to give the instruments the emphasis they deserved and not at all because Frank wanted to keep the vocalists apart; they were free to do whatever they wanted, Frank couldn’t give a damn. Seriously, like not even a tiny little rat’s ass. He even kept the guitar to himself and didn’t hit anyone around him with it, from any band. He was being responsible.

He went as far as to smile at Bert, not trying to overcompensate some unjustified hatred he didn’t have for him, and then stood still when Bert got closer to kiss his cheek too. Frank was all up for Bert handing out kisses all around, that’s what friendly bands who were against homophobia or whatever did. And Frank went completely willing back to the right side of the stage to leave the spotlight for Bert and Gerard at the end of the song. It was a perfect presentation and 0 casualties. Surely Brian would be proud.

He absolutely deserved to be patted on the back by Ray once they got off the stage and were walking towards the exit. 

“You were great, man.”

“Thanks, dude. You too.”

Ray looked back for a moment and then turned to the front, leaning into him to say in a low voice: “And good job getting along with Bert, you really came through.”

And if Ray weren’t a man with such a calming aura and bright smile, Frank would’ve thought he was taking a laugh. And would have invited him to solve it like gentlemen. But no, Ray was being as sincere as always. Frank was forced to accept he was better at pretending than he gave himself credit for. “I truly don’t have beef with him, you know?”

Eh. Half a truth, half a lie. His new way of communicating.

“Sure,” Ray kept smiling and patted him on the back again. “Just… well done. I’m proud of you.”

What did he expect? For Frank to lose control in the middle of the show and smash Bert’s head with his guitar? Pff, no way. 

“Hey,” Mikey caught up to them. Frank bit his lips to not make a joke about the tambourine. “You still rooming with Gee tonight?”

Frank took a few seconds to look like he was reflecting on it and ended up shrugging as if he was the one doing a big favor to Mikey, instead of growling at him for even thinking he would be up for trading rooms. “Yeah, sure. I don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind either, I can--”

“Na, it’s fine,” Frank cut him off before he could finish. “My stuff’s already there, so. Yeah. Don’t worry about it.”

Mike wasn’t worried at all. “Whatever. Are we playing Mario Kart?”

“Yup!” Ray got an arm around Frank’s shoulders, who had to assume those were his plans for tonight. He supposed it wouldn’t be bad to give Gerard some time in the room by himself to do whatever it was he liked so much to do alone and, maybe and obviously it didn’t matter if he didn’t, miss Frank a little.

Okay, yeah, he hoped Gerard would miss him a lot.

***

After going to ridiculous lengths to open the door without making any noise assuming Gerard would be sleeping only to find the room completely empty, Frank felt like a moron. It was 2am and they had stuff to do early in the morning, he shouldn’t feel so dumb for supposing his vocalist would be resting and getting ready to give it his all while the rest of the band passed the time betting on how many Cheetos they could fit in their mouths at once without losing the race on Mario Kart, but yeah, he should’ve suspected Gerard would get bored.

The thing is Frank had no idea where he could be. It was a hotel night and the only party he heard of was at Worm’s room, where they hung out for a bit drinking beer without Gerard making an entrance. He was sure of it.

Perhaps it was his fault for leaving him alone for so long. He was getting worried. Well, it wasn’t a situation for him to be really concerned, Gerard hadn’t had a crisis like Japan in quite some time, but… No, it definitely wouldn’t be like that. He wouldn’t go missing again.

Frank rubbed his neck, noticing he was getting anxious. The healthy thing to do would be to go to bed and ignore what someone four years older than him and perfectly capable of taking care of himself was doing. However, Frank knew trying to sleep would only mean turning nervously around while staring at the door.

He got his phone out, his hands already sweaty. What could he text Gerard that didn’t sound like nagging?  _ “Where are you?” _ was nagging 101.  _ “You up?” _ sounded like a booty call.  _ “Want me to leave the lights on?” _ okay, cool, not that desperate and kind of adorable, that one would do.

Frank put his phone away and got a packet of cigarettes from his other pocket. As much as he wanted to stay glued staring into the screen, it wouldn’t help Gerard replying any faster, so he stepped out into the hallway to look for a smoking area. He was pretty sure he had seen a balcony on the second floor.

Running into Bert there was unexpected, but he decided to take the opportunity to keep proving how little his presence bothered him. He seriously didn’t hate him, Bert was a good guy and Frank could even appreciate his musical talent and pacifist nature. And that was exactly what he would tell the authorities if Bert ever went missing.

“Hey, man,” Frank greeted him, feeling already proud of himself to be patting him on the back pretending he wasn’t putting more strength than needed in the gesture. “You got a light?”

“Yeah, sure… It’s really shitty though,” Bert warned, handing him one of those cheap neon-coloured plastic gas station lighters everyone ended up stealing, because who the fuck would pay for such a crappy thing. Frank tried to get a flame two times and didn’t succeed. Stupid Bert, he couldn’t even lent lighters right. “Here,” he offered, handing him his own lit smoke to use.

“Thanks,” Frank smiled and made a big deal of tossing Bert’s lighter out of the balcony, as far as he could. Bert just laughed. “Were you at Worm’s?” he asked, trying to make conversation, not that he cared about it.

Bert shook his head. “I was chilling in my room, going through some lyrics and shit.” 

Boring. “Rad.”

“Yeah. Hey, so, we loved performing with you, guys. We should do it again.” Frank hated how nice he was, it made it really difficult to hate him. Not that he hated him! But if he wanted to, it would be hard.

“We should,” Frank nodded, taking a drag from his cigarette, and deciding to go as far as to offer a compliment. “You and Gee sound good together.” See? He was so mature.

“I think so too.”

He still didn’t care, but Bert got pretty serious after saying those words, enough for Frank to take the bait. Well, after giving him a few seconds to talk, after which he had to chime in. “Something on your mind?”

“Gee’s kinda like a cat, don’t you think?” he let out, as if they had been talking about it and like Frank wasn’t personally offended by Bert calling him ‘Gee’ just like that. “He comes and goes as he pleases. Sometimes he wants you to pet him, sometimes he wants to bite you for no reason, and you never get any fuckin’ warning.”

Frank frowned, all of his acting abilities going down the drain. Bert caught him off guard. He hated getting surprised like that, and he also hated how he was a little right and it hadn’t been Frank who came to that conclusion, even though he knew Gee better. “There are some clues,” he said, making an effort to remain calm and pretend that frown was him deep in thought, going through all of his Gerard knowledge. “He gives certain cues when he wants to be left alone, you learn them after being around him for a long time.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Bert accepted, finishing his cigarette. “And I guess he’s good to fool around with, but not for anything serious. Unless you’re a fuckin’ masochist.”

Bert laughed at his own joke. Frank’s smile was so tense his face was hurting. He shouldn’t feel insulted, he didn’t want anything serious with Gerard, nor was he a masochist, but… Fuckin’ Bert. 

He squashed his smoke on the ground just to have a little violence outlet, which Bert took as Frank being done and giving him a cue to walk back together to the hotel. Rad, just what he wanted, more time to talk to that moron who thought he was such a Gerard expert and clearly knew nothing.

Perhaps he should focus on being happy that Bert had decided against pursuing something serious with Gee. It made him feel like shit to celebrate his friend being rejected, but he didn’t need to pretend to be a saint in his own mind. His mood had almost improved when Bert decided to punch him again, figuratively. 

“You and Gee have fucked, right?”

Frank tightened his fists, inside his hoodie’s pockets. He didn’t want to answer that and assume the reason for it and, at the same time, he wanted to state his ground by saying: “Yeah,” and making sure his tone implied it wasn’t a big deal and his smile, that it had been awesome.

“Is he always a dead fish or is he having a night off?”

“Sorry?”

They stopped in the middle of the hallway, Frank incapable of pretending he could keep walking after what he said. He had obviously heard him right and knew what he meant, but he wanted a confirmation and maybe a couple of seconds to stop feeling like his stomach had been filled with cement.

“He was kinda like…”

Frank didn’t get to know what other words Bert had to describe Gerard in bed. Behind him, a door opened and he turned around to see who was there. It was Gerard, his hair messier than usual and his shirt on backwards. Maybe those two things weren’t enough proof of what had happened; however, the guilt in his eyes when they met Frank’s and the fact that he was coming out of Bert’s room made it undeniable.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this still light angst? Is it full angst? I honestly don't know.  
> Anyway, I know I don't have to apologize, but sorry for taking so long. This (angst) is SO out of my comfort zone. I'm trying though!
> 
> Luckily I have my own cheerleader making [nsfw](https://i.ibb.co/1Q5F7Dj/237b5e15-266e-4311-8424-dcded07c8b86.jpg) [art](https://i.ibb.co/pvzwSFn/b52a7117-86a7-42f8-9ea0-5bd0314f25c2.jpg) for me. Thank you, [Barb](https://twitter.com/andiftheygetme)! I LOVE YOU.
> 
> PS: You can follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kitoko69) where I, sometimes, give dates for updates.


	5. Please, please, please let me get what I want (Part 1)

When people said time is relative they meant exactly this; how kissing Gerard made Frank feel like there wasn’t enough time in the world for him to ever be satisfied and how standing in front of him having to stomach the conclusion he had just came to made him feel time had stopped. There had to be some masochism keeping him there, Frank realized he was hurting himself by looking for clues and focusing on details that would tell him exactly what had gone down between them, and still couldn’t stop it. Maybe he was enjoying the pain. Gerard’s lips looked normal, his hair didn’t provide any indications of having been pulled recently, so maybe it wasn’t a blow job, but Frank needed to accept that nothing in his appearance would scream  _ ‘yes, I was just anally fucked.’  _ All he had was what Bert said. Dead fish. So at least there was some consolation in knowing it had been bad. Although, honestly, Frank thought even the worst time with Gerard doing absolutely nothing to reciprocate was better than the most enthusiastic and uninhibited partner, but that was just his opinion. Bert didn’t have to share that thought. In fact, Frank hoped he didn’t.

The three of them were standing there, in front of the door, still in silence. Frank entertained the thought of Gerard searching for something to say that would make things okay, as if he had finally acknowledged Frank’s feelings by hurting them. He also wanted to assume Bert had just understood there was something going on between them, that the heaviness in the air could even be read by him, and that maybe he felt a bit guilty for what he did, even if he shouldn’t be.

Who was talking first? Perhaps they were both waiting for the most affected person to do it. Frank hated to be in that position, he wanted to do something stupid just to stir their attention or throw them off their rhythm.

“I was looking for you!” he said, smiling.

“Yeah, I just saw your message, I was going to—”

“It’s fine,” Frank cut him off; it didn’t matter how Gerard wanted to handle the situation, there was nothing he could say that would give Frank back the hours he spent thinking Gee was doing anything but fucking Bert. No excuse would make him feel less stupid for believing Bert saying he had trouble reading Gerard or how he wasn’t interested in getting serious with him meant they wouldn’t get involved in any way. “I just ran into Bert, we were talking about you,” he said, as if it was the funniest thing ever.

And it was, right? Frank thinking he had had a big break-through with Gee, that things were finally going his way, that somehow he had seduced him with his impressive Dom skills, giving him just what he needed so he wouldn’t have to look for it elsewhere while Gerard did exactly that, who knows why.

Gerard didn’t try to smile back, although he managed to throw out the getting-caught-reaching-for-the-cookie-jar face. He seemed upset to know they were talking about him, maybe aware of Bert not having anything nice to say, but above all Frank focused on his eyes; he could see panic in them again. The same one from when he kissed him a few days ago. Gerard most likely wanted to escape, as soon as possible. It was subtle, Frank could read it because he knew it.

“You were leaving,” Bert said behind him and his tone was fucking wild. He wasn’t asking, it was an affirmation, but stating clearly that he wasn’t expecting it, enough for Frank to understand this was a one-sided move. And Bert was confronting him. Bert was savage in ways Frank could only dream of. 

He supposed there was some consolation in not being the only one who Gerard escaped from the second he got his clothes back on. Perhaps they could form a support group, call it  _ ‘I’ve been personally victimized by Gerard Way’, _ make mugs and t-shirts. Did people even use fridge magnets anymore?

In a very Gerard-like manner, the guy just shrugged. You could tell being in front both of them having to explain himself wasn’t something he expected to be doing and his patience was running out. “Maybe.”

“Guess we’ll cuddle another time.”

Frank’s laughter was completely spontaneous. He wasn’t trying to help break the tension, nor make it worse; it was simply a direct reaction to the idea of someone being able to force Gerard to stay long enough to cuddle after fucking. Frank had literally had Gerard tied up to the bed and hadn’t accomplished it, so good luck with that.

Bert also laughed. It brought a few seconds of a ridiculous calm that wasn’t enough for Frank to stop feeling like his heart had been ripped from his chest. That had already happened, it wasn’t the first time he found out about Gerard sleeping with someone else, and Frank had already made up a system to cope; once they went back to their room, he would ask Gerard to tell him every single detail about what happened so he could be a part of it, somehow. He would joke around, playfully elbow him, remind him of that time he had said he wasn’t sure about fucking Bert and would go —probably— as far as to ask if they would also get a BDSM arrangement, use the same safeword, if it would make more difficult for them to set time aside for their sessions and how on earth would Gerard manage so many Doms, if his ass would be able to handle all of that attention.

“It’s 2am, we have stuff to do in the morning,” Gerard complained, like anyone would believe he suddenly cared about their schedules. Bert’s smile was amused by watching him making up excuses.

“Hey, it wasn’t me coming up to your room in the middle of the night,” he shrugged.

Frank’s mouth tasted bitter. Picturing Gerard knocking on Bert’s door without notice was something he didn’t want in his mind, but couldn’t help imagining it. What had he said? Had he made an excuse to invite himself into Bert’s room and then pulled out one of his moves, or was he direct from the beginning? Had he used a butt-plug like the other day? Frank could barely contain how envious he was of Gerard looking for Bert, of their getting together being a planned thing instead of an accident like Frank and Gerard’s, where Gee had to settle for him because he had found out about his secret. How would it feel like to be the object of his desires? 

“You could’ve kicked me out, you know?” or something like that said Gerard, Frank was lost in his thoughts until Gee touched his arm. “Hey, wanna go back?”

He stopped himself before he could say something dumb like  _ ‘since when what I want matters?’, _ because he didn’t want to be in that role. He hated the way Gerard was looking at him, guiltiness in his eyes once more, and talking lower than he was speaking to Bert, his voice turning soft, as if Frank would break if he treated him any other way. He wasn’t Gerard’s jealous boyfriend waiting for an explanation after finding a hickey on his neck —he wasn’t dating Gerard at all. They were friends, and Gerard had made that point once again. There was no reason for him to treat Frank with care.

“Na, let’s stay,” Frank said, since going back to their room implied having some sort of conversation he now wanted to avoid with all of his being. “Let’s hang out a little longer,” he turned to Bert. “You’re cool with that, right?”

“Sure,” Bert replied, making circular motions with his hands so they would go in, his tone as chill as ever. “Who needs to sleep anyway.”

Gerard rolled his eyes, making an off-hand comment about how Bert would’ve been texting him to see if he was up anyway, to which Bert just laughed and made another comeback, the tension they had before totally gone. Their conversation suddenly lacked what Frank had read as anger or at least awkwardness; Frank had no idea how they did it. While the three of them entered the room, he looked around the hotel room that was exactly like theirs, with two beds, a desk, mini fridge and a TV, the usual. Everything was the same except for Bert’s stuff laying around and one of the beds that had clearly been used recently, not for sleeping. The covers were messy and had a wet stain from lube. No, Frank wasn’t a great detective or a hound, he just saw the bottle on top of the bed next to an open condom packet. Doubts were cleared, either Bert had fucked Gerard while he laid there doing nothing, or Bert had rode Gerard while he laid there and did nothing. Dead fish. 

There was no rope in sight. No toys, no handcuffs, nor anything that could have been used as a blindfold. Had they had regular sex? Bert McCracken and Gerard Way going all vanilla on each other? Had they fucked in missionary too?

The way Gerard walked through the room to open up a window wasn’t subtle, it made Frank want to tell him that smell was nothing new before Bert distracted him by asking: “Any of you hungry?” He took the phone from the nightstand. “I’m fucking starving, man.”

He was offering food like it was normal, as if they really were only three friends hanging out, ignoring the obvious tension they had had before. Frank stood still staring at Bert’s back, realizing he had done it many times already; there was no point in obsessing again on why Gerard liked him, because there was nothing, absolutely nothing, not to like. He was objectively good looking, had a perfectly normal height —Frank would argue aggressively— and although he also let certain shower-lacking trends in their type of music scene carry over, even his dirty hair and unkempt beard had their own charm. Okay, he was hot. But overall it was about his personality, which Frank hated because he couldn’t be like that. He wouldn’t be able to let things go and pretend everything was fine when it wasn’t; he couldn’t picture himself offering food in a situation like that. And he wouldn’t have been able to confront Gerard like Bert did. It was surely what Gerard liked best about Bert, that he had the capability of leaving him alone, but also being dramatic enough to keep him entertained. 

Bert. Bert, fucking Bert. Frank was never going to be like him and had been a moron to think he was any type of competition.

“Veggie burger?” Bert turned around to ask him and instead of answering the way-too-kind offer, Frank walked towards him, getting all up in his space, staring seriously into his eyes. “What?”

Next thing Frank was grabbing Bert's hoodie in his fists, twisting them, which made Gerard come closer, believing he was about to hit him, yelling “Frankie!” before he could realize Frank’s intention was the opposite of that; he clashed their mouths together in a kiss and, honestly, taking them by surprise was the best feeling ever. Although the kiss in itself wasn’t bad once Bert got on with the program, going from laughing against his lips thinking it was some sort of joke until finally understanding in the form of a body reflex that made him grab the back of Frank’s neck and shove his tongue in. From all those weeks touring together, Frank knew Bert was the kind of guy who did things right, carrying them to completion. 

But, what did  _ completion  _ mean in this scenario? Frank couldn’t explain why he had done it. Mainly to stop having hurtful thoughts of stuff beyond his control, sure; however, even though he’d want to deny it —and definitely would try to if Gerard asked— he had done it to get back at him. If Gerard was allowed to go and fuck Bert without telling him, then he could do it too, right? They weren’t together and okay, Gee had said he liked Bert, but they weren’t high school kids, it didn’t matter if he liked him or  _ liked _ liked him. Besides, this was happening right in front of him, so if he actually had something to say, he could.

In fact, Frank wanted him to. He wanted Gerard to sneak an arm between them or grab his waist to get him away from Bert, only to have some kind of proof that he cared about where Frank stuck his tongue. And he was sticking it pretty deeply inside Bert’s mouth, the kiss quickly reddening their lips and accelerating their breathings. There was a hint of a battle between them too, with Frank pushing and pressing onto Bert every time he tried to take a pause, going as far as to follow him until he reached the bed and sat on its edge.

Frank climbed on Bert’s lap without opening his eyes, only releasing his hoodie to get his arms around his neck and keep him in place. Bert tasted like cigarettes and something Frank couldn’t really tell if it was Gerard’s flavor or his own mind tricking him, because, how would he be able to catch it? No, it wasn’t cum taste, just… something Gerard-like. 

When the bed dipped next to them, Frank finally stopped and gave Bert a second to catch his breath, looking over at Gerard who had taken a seat.

“Don’t mind me,” he teased, making a circular motion with his hand to add: “Go on.”

It was the opposite of what Frank wanted, but he unexpectedly didn’t feel bad to hear it, because he wasn’t dumb enough to hope for a jealousy tantrum. And although Gee’s face seemed challenging, he didn’t look upset; there was a type of interest in his eyes. Frank liked seeing that expression on his face again.

He felt Bert’s hands on his thighs, caressing from the knees until the beginning of his ass and that reminded him of being sitting on his lap, straddling him. Frank looked into his eyes and Bert held his gaze while he said loud and clear: “Are you joining us, Gee?”

“You seem to be doing fine on your own,” he snickered, obviously playing hard to get.

And Frank didn’t want to comply, why would they be begging him to join? Gerard was the one who should be pleading for a chance to do things better. Please, did Bert look like a guy who had just experienced mind blowing sex? No. He was clearly still horny because Gerard had done a lousy job.

“Aaw, you don’t like someone else playing with your toy?” he said, mocking him with a pout.

“I don’t care,” Gerard replied, one side of his lips going up in half a smile. “And Bert’s not my toy.”

“Everyone’s your toy,” Frank pointed out before he could reflect on the bitterness in his words, the complete opposite of how he wanted to come across in this moment. He couldn’t let Gerard see how much he cared and when Bert put a hand on his face to make Frank look at him instead of Gee, he wondered if he had noticed it too, if he was bumming everyone out.

But no, Bert laughed and it made him laugh too. Perhaps it had sounded like a joke, maybe he didn’t look as pathetic as he felt. Bert kept a smile on his face even while biting on his own bottom lip and raising his hands to squeeze Frank’s ass between his fingers, pressing down so he grinded against him. Frank swallowed the extra saliva gathering in his mouth, starting to feel a heat stronger than before. Kissing had been good, but it wasn’t like when he kissed Gerard and lost himself in desperation of how badly he wanted to touch him and own everything he could; it had been fun, yes, but it didn’t make him feel like he needed more and being on top of Bert right now was a declaration of principles, a statement of how he could do whatever the fuck he felt like doing and how little he cared about the consequences. 

However, Bert’s hands going so confident and the look on his face told Frank he was willing to go all the way, to do much more than just touching and kissing, and it made him feel like he hadn’t felt in a long time: wanted. Bert was touching him because he actually wanted him, not because he needed Frank to do some kinky weird stuff to him. Okay, calling it ‘weird’ wasn’t fair, but he was mad at the thought of Gerard not even trying to grab his ass and squeeze it like that.

Frank pulled away for a bit, although he let Bert know he wasn’t going anywhere by pressing his knees on Bert’s thighs, which also helped him keep his balance while unzipping his hoodie and throwing it on the floor, doing the same with his t-shirt, baring his torso to the room. Bert’s eyes went immediately over the exposed skin and his hands traced over the swallows on his hips. Fuck, Frank had missed that, the look people gave him the first time seeing him naked; Gerard never stopped to look at his tattoos anymore.

“So you’re really going for it,” he heard Gee’s voice next to them. Instead of answering, he buried one hand in Bert’s hair, pulling him for another deep kiss and used his other hand to raise his middle finger in Gerard’s general direction.

Bert’s hands caressed his back and sneaked inside his jeans, making him sigh on his lips. Yeah, it was going too far to be a joke, they were too sober to say it had happened in the spur of the moment, and it was still too kinky to be doing it in front of someone else, even if it was Gerard and he had already fucked both of them, but it didn’t seem like anyone wanted to put a stop to it. And Frank was the undisputed champion of pushing limits, so he had no problem in continuing to make out with Bert, getting his lips on the tattoo on his neck, grazing the skin with his lip ring until he reached his shoulder and felt his own breathing going faster. He licked around it and took some skin between his lips, deciding there and then to leave a hickey while Bert squeezed his hips some more. The second he felt Bert’s dick hard against his thigh, his reaction was to bite down. 

“Shit,” Bert complained, laughing, but clearly in pain. “You didn’t tell me he bites.”

“He does, a lot,” Gerard scoffed. Hearing him so composed and talking about him like he wasn’t in the room didn’t sit right with Frank, who chose violence in the form of biting Bert harder.

Bert answered by tugging Frank’s hair strongly enough to make him raise his head. “Stop that, bad boy!” he scolded. It was obviously a joke, but all Frank could do was moan. It wasn’t subtle. It also wasn’t the right response for someone claiming to be a Dom, but he couldn’t help it; the combination was making him feel the wrong things. Frank’s face was feverish and he wasn’t doing anything for Bert to release him from his grip. “Oh,” Bert acknowledged, his eyes more interested than before with the realization. “Okay. Shit—Fine.” Frank’s brain still hadn’t made the connection that Bert’s did, only focusing on how good it felt to have that kind of attention on him, like he was the star of the show, like it mattered what he liked or not. He didn’t wonder what was going through Bert’s mind when he grabbed his wrists and forced his arms to his own back, holding them there, getting his face closer to whisper in his ear: “Want me to teach you some manners, Frankie?”

“What? No,” he immediately said, finally snapping out of the trance to think and be aware of the misunderstanding. Because it clearly was one; he wasn’t like Gerard who liked to be subdued. Unlike him, Frank had no interest in it. So what if he liked people pulling his hair and being held down and maybe being scolded by a strong voice sometimes? It didn’t make him a Sub.

“Are you sure?” Bert asked. Frank would’ve insisted if it wasn’t for the shiver running down his spine from hearing his voice so close again and his teeth biting right under his ear, one his favorite spots; noticing how Gerard had moved closer also distracted him. He had one knee on the bed and had stretched his arm to touch Frank’s shoulder.

Of course he was interested now, surely wishing to take his spot, to tell Bert he did, very much indeed, wanted to be taught some manners. He was such a coward. Frank had told him Bert would be on board with anything he asked as long as he thought it was fun and obviously Gerard had chickened out being alone, opting to do nothing at all and leave Bert with the impression of him being the most boring lay in the world. And now Gerard would rectify the situation, Bert would get excited, they would have the best sex in History and live happy ever after, the end.

FUCK THAT. OVER FRANK’S DEAD BODY.

Well, not literally. That’d be gross.

“The fuck are you doing, Gee?” he challenged, as loud and firmly as he could. “You had your chance.”

“Well, make up your mind. Are you my toys or not?” Gerard snapped back. Frank couldn’t tell from his tone what he was aiming for. He sounded intrigued, but also on the edge of being mad. Honestly, Frank felt exactly the same.

Bert and him exchanged looks, Frank hoping for telepathic communication, although his message was truly complex. Something like  _ ‘can you believe this guy? How can we let him do whatever he wants with both of us? Bert, you’re better than this, run away, I’ll handle him by myself.’  _ Obviously some of it got lost in translation, but it was enough for Bert to let go of his arms. “Your call,” he added. Fuck, Bert was so fucking patient. 

“Okay,” Frank accepted, licking his lips while staring down at Gerard, who raised a defying eyebrow. Big mistake. Frank brought his hands to his belt. Yes, the pink one, once again proving how useful it could be. He unfastened it and went for Gerard’s hands, looking directly into his eyes, defying back. “You are OUR toy,” he declared as he constricted his wrists.

“Oh fuck,” Bert laughed.

Frank just kept staring into Gerard’s eyes. Communicating without using words was easier with him. They had a previous arrangement going on and although  _ ‘a threesome’, ‘letting someone watch’  _ or  _ ‘let’s take the opportunity if we’re ever alone in the same room with Bert and you get possessed by demons’  _ weren’t on the list of stuff Gerard wanted to try out, they also weren’t on his no-no’s. It was a gray area and Gerard had to know he could refuse, that if Frank put on his Dom role all of their rules applied and all he had to do was say the word to stop what they were doing. It was stated clearly. Frank could see Gee thinking about what to do, just like he saw the moment he accepted it and decided to let go. In fact, he pushed his wrists closer to make it easier for Frank to tie them together.

“If you ask nicely,” he offered, pronouncing the words softly, getting closer to lick Gerard’s lips. “You can watch.”

Gerard took a deep breath and Frank noticed how his heartbeat went up when pressing his mouth on his neck. Bert’s hands squeezed Frank’s thighs, surely more than okay with watching them. “Please…” Gerard muttered.

“Speak up. Bert can’t hear you.”

“Please,” he repeated louder, looking at Bert’s face for a moment and then going back to Frank. “Let me watch. I’ll be good.”

There was satisfaction in showing Bert how Gerard responded to him, proving how little Bert knew of Gerard’s true nature, that although they had just slept together, he hadn’t even come close to discovering what made him scream in pleasure, hadn’t been able to make him come undone. And it was the first time Frank was aware of having any sort of power over Gerard, he had never recognized it like this.

“I knew you guys were into some kinky shit,” Bert commented, going from Gerard, who was sitting with his back straight and stiff from staying still in his place, to Frank, getting more comfortable on his lap. “Are you punishing Gee for getting laid without telling you?”

“Kinda,” Frank admitted, lifting Bert’s t-shirt and making him raise his arms to take it off and throw it on the floor. “He can fuck whoever he wants, we’re not dating,” he clarified. It hurt to say the words; luckily, he had the excuse of undoing his pants to avoid looking at anybody’s face. “But if he had invited me we could’ve had some real fun. So his punishment is for being a selfish asshole.”

“We can still have fun,” Bert’s gaze followed Frank’s pants sliding down his legs once he stood up to remove them. Instead of letting him sit down again, Bert leaned in and put his hands on Frank’s hips, keeping him there while he pressed his lips on his chest. Frank hugged Bert’s shoulders.

It was a bluff, to be honest. He had no idea how he would’ve reacted if Gerard had suggested a threesome with Bert. Probably awfully. Frank would’ve taken it personal, like he wasn’t enough, or maybe would’ve tried to talk him out of it, or straight up thrown a tantrum. He didn’t think he would’ve been smooth enough to act like he was doing now. Those were the kind of things he did without thinking. Yeah, having time to make a decision beforehand would have ruined everything.

As things were, he felt confident. Bert was being an excellent instrument in punishing Gerard, a storyline they could maybe carry over to their own room later that night. Perhaps Bert deserved a hand job for his services, he was going pretty well, despite Frank not paying much attention to him; his eyes were on Gerard, who was watching him back, intensely. Frank was daring him to say something, to complain or demand like he usually did, already thinking about how it would give him an excuse to blindfold him and let him only hear what Bert and he did, picturing moaning loudly so he would suffer imagining what was going on. That would make an ever better punishment.

“Ah, fuck!” he suddenly gasped, an exclamation partly pained and partly… pleased? Bert had just taken one of his nipples between his teeth and it felt fucking good; although it probably was Frank being touch starved. And it was the same when he went for the other one, not particularly for a preference of being touched like that, but because Gerard hadn’t even tried it and well, Frank hadn’t been in the mood to look for someone else.

He shut his eyes for a moment, breaking contact with Gerard. He needed to control himself, had to remain calm and not let Gee see what Bert’s hands were doing to him. Gerard was watching, and he had an image already in his mind of what Frank was after working hard to convince him he could be his Dom. Frank didn’t think seeing him moaning desperately under someone’s hands was helping his case. He had to do something dominant, something to show him he was carrying the situation and not Bert.

Frank buried his fingers in Bert’s hair, touching his head and ready to pull and call him a slut like he did to Gerard, but all that came out of his lips was another long, pleased sound when Bert went down on him, mouthing his dick through the thin layer of cotton of his underwear. Frank couldn’t think of anything else than his lips. A blow job was exactly what he wanted now, why wasn’t Bert going for it yet?

He pushed his face in, still holding the back of his head, and shoved his hips as much as he could before Bert’s hands came to hold them back. He heard a soft laugh from him. “Calm down, dude.”

When in the history of humankind had telling someone to calm down worked? Shit, Frank truly wanted it. He rolled his eyes and got his other hand behind Bert’s head to push him back on his crotch. “Just fucking do it, alright?”

Frank would complain Bert had played him dirty catching him off guard and using way too much force if anyone asked him later, obviously doing a fucking ninja move to make him lay on his back on top of the bed, under Bert’s weight. He also felt ganged up on when he looked up and saw Gerard biting his own lip, like he was watching a freaking porno movie happen. The tent in his jeans was fucking obvious. And Bert used the distraction to pin Frank’s wrists above his head.

“I don’t like to be ordered around,” he said. Frank would’ve loved nothing more than to agree with him, adding how weird it was that some people —Gerard— enjoyed it and that he also wasn’t a very big fan of being pinned down like that, but the words stuck in his throat and his thoughts vanished from his mind when he realized how horny he suddenly was. Bert didn’t waste time, getting his lips on Frank’s neck, kissing, biting and making him feel his breath; Frank didn’t realize when he had taken his wrists in just one hand to use the other to touch him, going from his chest to the waistband of his underwear. He assumed Bert was going to take it off and jerk him, finally, and couldn’t think of anything else, but Bert spoke again: “You sure you want this?”

Maybe he had to say no. A part of his brain told him to, reminded Frank of Gerard watching the whole display, of how he wouldn’t be able to forget seeing him all needy under Bert, and how impossible it would be to come back from this one. “Yes…” he still said, almost in a whisper, forcing himself to shut his eyes to not see the expression on Gee’s face. Bert sneaked his hand inside Frank’s briefs, grabbing his already-too-hard cock, making him moan loudly again, his voice already broken. Frank hated how much he had missed having someone making him feel like that, to be able to let go for once and just enjoy it. Although he didn’t fully want to let go yet, and that made it even better, the contradiction of wanting to continue and, at the same time, stop. Trying to show Bert he was more than fine with what was happening while also making a poor attempt to contain his loud agreeing noises by biting his lip.

All of his body felt amazing, responding to Bert’s scruff scratching on his belly, his tongue traveling down and his fingers pressing on the head of his dick. The guy knew what he was doing and Frank was ready to let go, didn’t care anymore how he looked. 

“Are you ready to forgive Gee?” Bert asked out of nowhere and Frank opened his eyes in surprise, turning his face to look for him. Gerard was sitting facing them, he had gotten closer, but was doing nothing to take off the belt around his wrists.

“No.” It was all Frank had in that moment, excusing his behavior on punishing Gerard. He wasn’t ready to lose it. “He’s not even sorry.”

“I think he is,” said Bert, moving his hand over Frank’s erection, which left him a bit more receptive. “Aren’t you, Gee?”

“Yeah, I am!” he hastily jumped in, thankful for someone finally speaking to him. Frank noticed just then how quiet he had been, and Gerard loved to hear his own voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know we could do this —”

“Because you didn’t ask,” Frank argued. Fuck, being angry while having a hand on his dick wasn’t exactly what he wanted, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Asshole.”

“C’mon, he apologized. Why don’t you kiss and make up?” Gerard wetted his own lips upon the mention of a kiss and Frank hated himself for finding it endearing. “Look at him. He wants to kiss you so bad.”

Frank’s skin raised as a shiver ran down his spine, not only for hearing Bert’s voice so close, but for what his words meant. Bert was clearly playing the game, he had no idea what his relationship with Gerard was truly about, and he still managed to hit the nail right in the head. Believing even for a second that Gee wanted to kiss him was exactly what he needed, and he wanted to obey Bert. Perhaps if he saw it that way, he wasn’t listening to Gerard, but to Bert. It was different.

Once he decided to move, Bert got up and let him get closer to Gerard. “C’mere,” he muttered and Gee did immediately, balancing as he could with his hands tied up and his knees on the bed, looking at him with big and shiny eyes. Well, fuck it. He wanted to kiss him too, so he did. He cupped his cheeks in his hands and brought their mouths together; although he was kinda rough, it wasn’t the same level of carelessness he displayed while kissing Bert. This was reserved only for Gerard, even if he didn’t know or appreciated it. 

It was a peace offering. Sure, Frank was enjoying shoving his tongue in Gerard’s mouth and holding his face while he couldn’t do much more than take it, but he was also telling him maybe he wasn’t mad anymore. Maybe the punishment was over. Not that it was a great one to begin with, he hadn’t even spanked Gerard, but he was now welcome into whatever they were going to call this thing between the three of them. It was going to happen.

He especially knew they were all far gone when Gerard moaned into his mouth, all needy and desperate to do something, trying to balance himself to chase Frank when he pulled back, their lips still connected by a string of saliva. 

“Nice,” said Bert, his chest pressing into Frank’s back, who immediately got distracted by watching Bert’s arms going around his waist. “You know what else would be nice?” he asked while his lips grazed Frank’s neck. “Seeing you blow Gerard.”

It had to be some sort of Jedi shit what Bert was doing, right? Frank could feel his mouth watering at the thought and truly believed it was the best idea he had ever heard in his life, he didn’t stop to consider how it was one thing to be offering himself up and another to decide someone else’s involvement. He nodded slowly, watching Bert’s hands moving, reaching for the button in Gerard’s pants to open them. Gerard raised his hands, getting them out of the way, letting it happen and Frank watched the zipper going down absolutely dumbstruck. They both looked like idiots just watching Bert doing all the work without hesitation, grabbing Gerard’s black briefs to lower them and free his hard-on.

Frank realized he had been holding his breath. Something told him he should be mad at Bert undressing Gerard, but he didn’t feel like that at all; actually, he liked the idea of Bert offering Gerard to him, unwrapping his dick like a present meant just for Frank. And he wasn’t about to reject a present, so he placed one hand on Gee’s thigh and brought the other to hold— “No hands,” Bert dictated, suddenly grabbing Frank’s wrists and forcing his arms behind his back like he had done before. It shouldn’t be so hot, but Frank swallowed hard again. “Use only your mouth.”

He convinced himself that was exactly what he wanted to do anyway, that it didn’t have anything to do with Bert’s voice caressing his ear or how big Gerard opened his eyes listening to the instruction. However, he had to wrestle Bert; his grip made him feel like he wasn’t in control, and he  _ had _ to be. “No need to hold me,” he complained.

“But you like it.” Bert argued in a low voice and gripped a bit harder; Frank felt it right in his dick. He didn’t want to assume it meant something, just chose to regain control in another way, even if it was only over Gerard, who was the one he cared about the most, so he leant forward while Bert helped with his balance.

This was familiar. Not only giving a blow job, but giving it to Gerard. Frank had gotten plenty familiarized with his dick over the last weeks and being once more in front of it made him feel right in his element. This was something he knew how to do, he didn’t need to put up a role, he knew not only how to suck a cock, but also how to drive Gee insane while doing it. From the moment his tongue touched his skin, he knew he was going to make him go crazy and show Bert how Gerard wasn’t a dead fish. You just had to treat him a certain way.

And honestly it wasn’t about technique right now, because even on the first lick Frank could feel him throbbing, twitching under his tongue, so swollen already he must’ve been about to come; he was so hard it had to be painful, perhaps from watching the two of them and definitely from being tied up. It did that to him, it always did. It took barely a few twirls on the tip for Gerard to start leaking precum and throw his head back, panting like he was already in Frank’s throat. He thought he heard a surprised gasp from Bert, but didn’t pay more attention since all of his focus was on Gerard’s voice, listening to how it turned into loud moaning when he finally allowed his dick inside his mouth.

Frank closed his eyes and fixated on the sensation, being one of his favorites. It wasn’t only about the weight on his tongue, the taste or the heat, but also the pressure on his knees, getting uncomfortable even on top of the bed. He had wanted to kneel in front of Gerard and let him use any part of his body so many times, as many as he had held back because it wasn’t exactly what Gee wanted, and now Frank had the excuse of Bert keeping him there, of not being able to do anything else except bob his head, letting him in and out of his lips, and pretending the sounds getting caught in his throat were only due to discomfort.

It shouldn’t be so good. Frank couldn’t bend down as much as he wished to choke on it and Gerard still had his jeans on, only his cock was out of his underwear, so it really wasn’t as deep as any of them would’ve wanted, but the restriction made it better. They were trying to get more out of it and couldn’t. Gee thrusted his hips as much as possible, only making it more difficult for Frank to contain all of his spit, letting it fall between them. Surely it was one of the worst blow jobs Frank had ever given and Gerard moaned as if it was the best.

“Good job,” said Bert, or maybe Frank’s mind made up something as his arms were released and he supported his body on them as a reflex when Bert decided to grab his hips and make him lift his ass, so all of a sudden he was on all fours. Frank made a big effort not to stop what he was doing, even when his underwear was being pulled down to his thighs. He assumed Bert was going to touch him, probably jerk him off while he continued blowing Gerard, so it caught him off guard to feel Bert’s face right in his ass. There wasn’t much time to think of anything else, Frank immediately felt Bert’s tongue between his cheeks, that he was holding apart with both hands, and he couldn’t remember the last time someone had done that for him. 

His whole body trembled and he attempted to spread his legs, but once again he was being constricted by his underwear digging into his thighs; it made him feel a new heat down his abdomen. Bert didn’t show any hesitation in what he was doing, like he had written the Supreme Guide to Rimming Satisfaction; he started off by teasing him, circling his tongue around his hole and getting him wet enough to feel him breathing. Frank wanted to say something, maybe  _ ‘thank you’ _ or  _ ‘stick your tongue in already’,  _ but couldn’t because Gerard wouldn’t let him pull away from him. In fact, he seemed to be pushing harder since Frank had stopped moving and, honestly? Frank was in paradise. A cock in his mouth and a tongue up his ass, what else could he ask for? 

Well, once his mouth was filled with Gerard’s cum, that was the new answer. He felt pure bliss along the warm and sticky sensation, swallowing without a single second of hesitation, trying to suck more out of Gerard, who stopped moaning so loud and started pulling away, probably oversensitive. He wished he had tied up his legs too to impede him from escaping, but the idea was lost when Bert reminded him he was still up his ass, pressing his tongue inside, making him let out a moan so loud he immediately regretted it. Well, all he could really regret it while pushing back, a silent request for him to go deeper, despite not being able to move much.

And then the pleased sounds turned into a complaint when Bert held him down and lifted his face, although Frank had to swallow his discontent after hearing what he had to say —discontent kinda tasted like cum, his whole mouth did. “You should return the favor, Gee.”

YES! Fucking YES! Frank felt so validated by having someone to tell exactly that to Gerard. Finally.

Frank stared at Gee expectantly, wondering if he was going to pull out that shitty attitude about Frank’s pleasure not being his business to provoke him or whatever. He wasn’t sure he had the patience right now for that; his dick was already too hard and his ass, too wet. Gee nodded in response and asked in a weirdly obliging tone: “What can I do for you, Frankie?”

Was that what was missing? Witnesses?

He bit his lip. Bert was still holding his hips, breathing on his lower back and Frank was on his hands and knees on the bed; if there was ever a time to be greedy, it was this. He deserved it, right? He deserved to get exactly what he wanted, for once. “Lay right here,” he pointed downwards with his chin. “On your back, get under me.”

Gerard didn’t contend this time, just did his best to get on the position Frank had said, basically a 69*, resting his head between Frank’s legs, wetting his lips in anticipation. Frank’s head was completely empty as he grabbed his dick with one hand and brought it to Gee’s face, who opened his mouth like that was his only function in life. Frank took it that way, at least, and pushed forcefully inside, fucking his mouth and trying to enter his throat. Gerard didn’t get away, he was trying to allow him in too, letting out little whimpers that Frank wasn’t paying attention to. He probably wanted it to be over soon, Frank knew giving back wasn’t his best quality and was only doing it out of peer pressure. The weirdest peer pressure ever.

“Dude, wait,” Bert stopped everything. “Take these off.”

Again it was Bert having to physically stop him and tug at his briefs for him to understand what he meant. Frank was stupid with wanting to keep going and didn’t realize how his underwear was in the way, getting in Gerard’s face. At least it was a quick pause where Frank and Bert pulled it down his thighs so he could go back into position, this time being able to spread his thighs properly not only to give Gerard space between them, but also for Bert behind him, who went back to eating his ass. He was already panting and nearly forgot he wanted something else.

Gerard’s tongue going from the base of his dick to what he could reach of his head reminded Frank of his goal; Frank had to lower himself some more to fit in Gerard’s mouth, spreading his legs further. Bert also took the invitation to start fucking him with his tongue and it almost felt like they had a competition, since Gerard began bobbing his head as he could, letting him inside his mouth again. It was heaven. No human should know how it felt to be having two mouths at their disposal. He didn’t even have to choose which sensation to follow, both of them were chasing his body when he twitched and moved, so all of his effort went into staying upright, holding himself up on his knees and hands. He had never moaned this loud before.

“C’mon, Gee,” Bert’s voice took presence and Frank didn’t miss his tongue so much when one of his fingers replaced it, sliding easily inside of him and with enough expertise to reach and press exactly where it should, making him tremble and almost scream just like that. “You can do better, don’t be shy.”

According to Frank, Gerard was doing things pretty well, he had no idea what Bert meant, but felt like arguing when he felt his dick slipping out of Gee’s lips. “Hey, don’t—ooh, oh, shit,” was all he could manage. Feeling Gee’s tongue directly on his balls shut him up pretty well. And it wasn’t coy, he wasn’t testing the waters or doing it on his way to something else; Gerard knew what he was doing, he was giving him strong licks all around and mouthing his testicles, playing with the sensitive skin in a way Frank had never experienced before. Gee was not being shy at all.

And then Bert took the same approach, going back to using his tongue to pleasure Frank instead of talking, licking just below his asshole, pressing with his tongue right in that spot that was so, so good —wasn’t it called perineum? Frank was sure he had read it while researching stuff and oh whatever, it didn’t matter—, also joining Gerard in giving his balls VIP treatment. They had never been the star of the show like this and it was really doing it for Frank. 

It specially did it when both of their tongues found each other and Frank was sure Bert and Gerard were making out. Or licking each other, or bumping their lips and teeth together, right below his dick and between his thighs; his balls were hanging in their faces and he could hear their wet sounds.

Holding himself up was kind of out of the question. Frank let his upper body fall over Gerard and rested his forehead on his crotch; Gerard’s dick was kind of getting hard again, still caught in his underwear, half out, and Frank could only breathe over it, inhaling his scent. It was gross, to be honest, it smelled like spunk and sweat, and he definitely hadn’t showered today; it sent Frank over the edge. He brought one hand to his own cock and jerked off, coming all over Gerard’s shirt, so hard he actually blacked out for a few seconds and drooled on his underwear; he only realized he hadn’t closed his mouth when licking his lips and finding them dry, still trying to catch his breath.

He ungracefully moved aside, lifting one leg to release Gerard from under him, grazing his nose with his knee and pushing Bert trying to sit back on the bed. There wasn’t a better way to accommodate three people on a bed after being all tangled up in each other in ways they shouldn’t have been, and Frank sincerely didn’t give a two shits about it. He had just been blown and rimmed at the same time, he doubted he would ever have the capacity again to care about anything. His brain was forever rotten.

Gerard stretched his arms to Frank, still laying on his back, and Frank showed mercy; he unbuckled the belt and let him move his hands again. He really didn’t think of anything else until he noticed Bert moving too, sitting with his back on the bed’s headboard and a hand between his own thighs, cupping his cock. That wasn’t fair, Bert shouldn’t have to jerk himself off alone. Frank knew all about being left with blue balls and wasn’t going to let Bert suffer through it.

Before Gerard could do anything, Frank grabbed one of his already marked wrists. “We’re not done yet.”

Gerard shrugged and didn’t pay attention to any of them, taking his wrist back without a second thought to lift his underwear and button up his jeans. “You can get Bert off by yourself,” he replied. He then looked at Bert’s face, and Frank recognized something in Gee’s expression he had just learned to interpret not too long ago. “He’s really good at sucking cock, you know?”

“Is that so?” Bert’s smile was amused while he undid his pants. “Will you show me, Frankie?”

“Sure,” Frank smiled too, although his attention was on Gerard. He already knew what he had to do and, truth be told, it came as a relief to realize Gee still wanted him to. “But, you know what? Gee’s way better than me.”

Gerard stared at his own nails, playing dumb. “I’m not that good. And I’m tired, plus I’ve gotta sing tomorrow and I already sucked  _ you  _ off, so…”

Frank leaned forward, burying his fingers on Gerard’s hair to tug it, making him hiss in pain and surprise, but also press his lips together to contain something else. “Why do you think you have a choice, you fucking slut?” he said, a few centimeters away from his face, twisting his hand on his hair, enunciating every word as if he really felt that disgust Gerard found so arousing. “You’re sucking his cock until he comes, you hear me?”

He could see in Gee’s eyes how much he was enjoying it, but if that wasn’t enough confirmation, the side of his mouth began curving up too when he said: “Or what?”

Frank never thought he would have to physically force Gerard to give Bert a blow job. Weird how the tables had turned. The irony wasn’t missed as he pulled Gerard’s hair harder, guiding and taking him until he could push his face on Bert’s crotch, who was fascinated by the sight in front of him.

“You’ll fucking do as I say,” he commanded, way more in charge than before. He put his other hand on Gerard’s face and used his thumb to spread his lips. “Open your whore mouth, now.”

If he doubted for a second he might have crossed the line with that one, Gerard confirmed he hadn’t by sticking his tongue out and licking Frank’s fingers. He supposed Gee had some kind of fantasy in his head he wanted to recreate and that was why he gave Frank a reason to act like that. Frank didn’t care. He was too relaxed now, enough to not even worry about finding his clothes or going back to their room or asking Gerard if he was really tired. They wouldn’t get out of there until everyone was satisfied.

“You guys are hot,” said Bert, which also made Frank feel good. It was true. He wanted to put on more of a show for Bert, guiding Gerard’s mouth to his cock and pushing on the back of his head to make him take it deep. He pulled on Gerard’s hair to take it out and pushed again; he was choking him on Bert’s dick.

“Isn’t he doing a good job?” Frank asked, softening his grip to caress Gerard’s hair, like he was congratulating him. It couldn’t all be rough, so he let Gee set his own rhythm and got appreciative noises out of praising him. Bert licked his lips and brought Frank into his space, putting a hand around his neck to kiss him with lots of spit, just like he liked it. 

“Why don’t you join him?” he suggested without losing his smile, his breath hot against Frank’s wet lips. “Finish the lesson on sharing.”

He had no idea how Bert could still be so coherent and forming sentences when Gerard was deep-throating him, so impressive. Frank wished he could be like him. He had gained a whole new sense of respect for Bert, although he just now noticed how it had been him leading the situation and decided to push it to the back of his mind so he could empty it again, because he did want to help Gerard learn how to share.

He left a long lick on Bert’s lips, making eye contact with him as he settled himself next to Gerard, pulling his hair again to lift his head and kiss him, as sloppy as he could, spit dripping down both of their chins and inevitably into Bert’s crotch. He made sure they put on a show by sticking their tongues out of their mouths and rub them together; Gerard was panting again. Frank took the lead in going back to lick Bert’s cock, pushing then on Gerard’s head so he would do it too. They were getting him wet by licking all over, their tongues running into each other while they did it, and Frank went from staring at Bert’s face to Gerard’s; he looked beautiful like this. Yeah, maybe it was dumb to fixate on it, but he did. Frank had never seen him sucking dick, not from that angle and someone else’s, and he looked so fucking pretty. His lips were plump, reddish and wet, his mouth so used already, and his cheeks still flushed from all they had done. 

Maybe it’d be better to focus on the task at hand. Cock at hand. Frank wrapped his fingers around Bert’s dick and went down on it, only then thinking about how thick it was. He felt his lips stretched around it and closed his eyes for a moment, just enjoying the sensation. Bert had a nice cock, Frank would rate it as so. And they finally got some moaning going on from Bert’s side, it felt like perfect teamwork when Gerard went down to suck on his balls and his hips jerked up into their mouths. They traded places after a while, being Frank’s turn to explore down, making sure to run his tongue everywhere, and feeling really satisfied at Bert’s breath getting faster and his thighs spreading, although he still had his pants on. Actually, Frank was the only one completely naked, but he’d have to re think his life choices later.

Gerard focused on teasing the tip of Bert’s dick and Frank licked the base, finding Gee’s tongue again while going up. Now it was his turn again to welcome Bert inside his mouth and he just went for it, displaying the skills he was so proud of, relaxing his throat to let him in deep, moaning around him. He kind of liked choking a little, and maybe Bert realized, because he placed a hand on his head and made him stay there. It was good. Even if he had already cum way too hard just a while ago, it still felt good, enough to just let Bert thrust into his mouth while Gerard stared. 

Bert pulled out a little as he came, filling his mouth, again. Frank felt it on his tongue and couldn’t think of anything better than grabbing Gerard’s face to kiss him and share it, making sure to push Bert’s cum in with his tongue. Perhaps Bert thought it was hot, or just wanted to seal their time together with a triple kiss, because he leaned in and stuck his tongue out too. It was a mess of spit, cum and tongues, but it worked somehow. 

Frank sat back, running a hand through his sweaty hair, laughing just because he couldn’t think of what else to do. 

“That was something,” Bert was the first one to talk, raising his eyebrows. Frank bit his lip ring, nodding suggestively. 

He looked over at Gerard, who was kind of quiet again and staring at his own hands on his lap. Frank noticed he had a boner again and thought he was trying to hide it. “You wanna go again?” he offered, stretching one leg over the bed to touch with his foot, but Gerard batted him away. “You sure?” Frank insisted. “It’s kinda late to be shy, Gee. Bert and—”

“Mordor,” Gerard pronounced, looking at Frank in the eyes.

This time it felt serious. It felt real, nothing like the time he had used it before. They had to stop.

“Okay,” Frank nodded and looked around for his clothes.

“I’m guessing this is good night?” Bert asked. 

***

Walking down the hotel hallway after Gerard had safeworded out of the situation wasn’t just awkward, it was flat out uncomfortable. Frank was pretty sure he had been wearing underwear but couldn’t find it and of course he had to rush to follow Gee out of the room, so now his dick was grazing, chafing against the hard denim, way too sensitive after all of the action it had gone through. And since we’re on the topic of uncomfortable, his asshole still felt kinda wet; Bert had gone way too deep and used too much tongue and of course Frank wouldn’t complain about that in the moment, just now it made every step feel really weird. Also, his own mouth tasted like cum, and dick, and ass. 

Gerard wasn’t better at all. His hair was wilder than usual, sticking up where Frank had pulled it, and there was dry cum all over his black shirt, the one he used in concerts. There was a big chance of him wearing it just like that on their next one. 

Well, this was new, right? Doing the walk of shame with his best friend. Frank wished the mood were light enough for him to make a joke about it.

“Dibs on the shower,” he said once they were in their room. Gerard had been staring at his phone and barely looked up, his face all  _ ‘have you just met me?’  _ and okay, fair. There was no need to call dibs, ever, but he didn’t know what else to say.

While he looked for his bag to pick some clean-ish clothes, he noticed Gerard was walking back to the door and had to look up. “Dude, it’s like 4am. Where are you going?” he asked, unable to keep it to himself.

“I—Mikey…”

Frank dropped his bag, not sure whether to laugh or scream or what. “Would you fucking stop running away?”

“I’m not, I just…” Gerard looked nervous, twitchy, like he was searching his brain for something to say and Frank was so sick of it he didn’t let him talk.

“No, Gee. What the fuck?” he said, walking over to him. “Don’t you think we should talk about what happened?”

“Isn’t it part of the threesome etiquette to never bring it up?” 

“Fuck threesome etiquette, dude.” Frank never thought that sentence would come out of his mouth, but it did, and there was no time to delve on it. “Why did you use your safeword?”

Now Gerard seemed angry at the question, like he was about to say it was also safeword etiquette not to mention if you had to use it. It didn’t matter though, Frank needed to know where they stood, how this left them, if he had messed up too badly or if this had been his best idea until now. He couldn’t tell by himself.

“I was tired,” he said. Although it sounded like an excuse, he looked tired enough right now. “And I didn’t know when it’d stop if we kept going, it felt like a fucking domino chain, someone had to call it a night.”

Frank couldn’t tell if he was believing him because it was the truth or because it was harmless enough that he wanted it to be true. “Okay, but before that,” he had to ask, no matter how pathetic it made him feel. “Was it good for you?”

“Yeah, of course,” Gerard scratched his head and tugged a strand of hair behind his ear. It looked stiff, like maybe someone’s cum had somehow ended up there. “I would’ve left if I wasn’t into it, you know? But yeah, it was…” his mouth curved a little and his eyes were wide open. “Pretty awesome, right?”

“Yeah,” Frank nodded, finally smiling, biting his bottom lip and ring without noticing. “It was.”

But maybe it had come with a price. That awkward pause right after made Frank wonder if this was the line they shouldn’t have crossed. They had never been so uncomfortable with each other, not even after the you-know-what incident. And it especially scared Frank when Gerard asked: “Anything else or can I go now?”

His tone wasn’t cold per se, just rushed and tired, but if made Frank’s chest tighten again. There was a lot ‘else’ he needed to ask, like why had he gone looking for Bert? Was Gerard tired of him already? Had he chosen Bert over him? Was he ever going to be enough? 

“I need you to talk to me,” he managed to say, holding back the doubts in his mind. He was trying to sound firm, but knew his voice had cracked a little, so he had to fix immediately for Gerard not to get the wrong idea of what he was implying. “You have to tell me next time you want to try something. Bert told me you didn’t have a great time before I joined, right?" Frank's face was hopeful. "Gee, I can make it better, I can help you. I can be there to make sure you get what you want, be your… buffer or whatever.”

“More threesomes? Is that what you’re saying?” 

“Sure, if that’s what you want.”

“Like, if I want to sleep with whoever, I should tell you so you can join and dominate me?”

Crass way to put it, but Frank couldn’t argue. That was exactly what he was offering. “Maybe. I don’t know, all I’m saying is talk to me, alright? If what you want is Bert and me, you can have it. You can have both of us. Don’t run off.”

There was a trick hidden in there. Gerard had never said he wanted Frank, only Bert, but Frank was desperate to be paired in the same category and was now forcing his way in. He would make Bert scoot over and give him room to sit in their relationship. 

“Are you really fine with that?” Gerard asked, and his face was a mixture of intrigue and understanding.

“Of course, that’s what I’m saying.”

“Yeah, I get it,” he nodded. Frank thought he would be more surprised. “I’ll think about it. Anyway, I really have to go check up on Mikey, he’s drunk and freaking out because he sexted the wrong person or some shit.”

“Oh,” Frank blinked a few times, the realization of Gerard not escaping on purpose just hitting him. “You want me to come with you?”

“No, it’s okay,” he ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “One of us should get some sleep. Just wake me up in the morning, please.”

“Sure, no problem.” Frank saw Gerard’s back, reaching for the door, and just had a wild thought. “Want me to blow you to wake you?”

Gerard turned to him and gave him a look like it was the craziest thing he had ever heard. Gerard, who still had Frank’s cum on his shirt. “No, throw some water at me if you need to.”

“Okey-dokey!”

Gerard left the room and Frank wondered who the fuck said okey-dokey anymore.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I wrote 9k words for a threesome but it was REALLY important for the plot. I ended up cutting this chapter in half because it was already too long and I've kept you waiting and I'm sorry. Hope it was fun to read! Also: Bert. <3 
> 
> Can you believe [this](https://i.ibb.co/FbgFBY5/Whats-App-Image-2021-01-23-at-18-08-22.jpg) and [this](https://i.ibb.co/Bzq5HYh/Whats-App-Image-2021-01-22-at-23-02-38.jpg) were sent to me? Wow. Anyway, let me know what you thought of this first half!


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